Forgive us, A.A. Milne.
The English author who first welcomed the world to the Hundred Acre Wood nearly 100 years ago is likely turning in his grave now that Winnie-The-Pooh is in the public domain.
With copyright lapsed on the original books, Pooh and friends are fair game to anyone out there who decides they’d like to make “art” featuring the beloved characters. Which is exactly how we end up with something as sick and twisted as Winnie-The-Pooh: Blood And Honey.
In this horrifying new movie from schlock-maestro filmmaker Rhys Waterfield, Pooh and company are re-imagined as axe-wielding slashers, gone absolutely feral in the years since their human friend Christopher Robin left them for college. After seeking revenge on Robin, the honey-mad bear and his pal Piglet head off on a killing spree, eventually setting their sights on a group of young women renting a cabin on the wrong side of the Hundred Acre Wood.
We reported on some first-look images earlier this summer, which had Twitter exclaiming, “Oh, bother!” But now there’s a full-length trailer, and the thing looks even more gonzo than we might have dreamed/feared. Take a look:
But our depravity doesn’t stop at turning children’s characters into merciless murderers—oh no. Because, unfortunately, our main takeaway from watching the trailer? Christopher Robin is pretty cute!
Is it so wrong to be thirsting after him now that he’s all grown up in Winnie-The-Pooh: Blood And Honey?
From the looks of it, all is not well when Robin and his new girlfriend return to his childhood happy place—they might even be Pooh and Piglet’s first victims. Still, he makes an impression in the clip, looking all cute and cozy in that big knit sweater… before he’s running for his life.
Christopher Robin, here, is played by Nikolai Leon, a Ukranian-born actor/model based in London. From the looks of his IMDB, Leon is a newcomer, but the fact that his other upcoming projects include yet another Rhys Waterfield film called Demonic Christmas Tree tells us he has great taste. And, from the looks of his Instagram, we can confirm he’s just as cute off-screen.
View this post on Instagram
View this post on Instagram
We look forward to seeing Leon in more projects where he’s not being hunted by homicidal imaginary ex-friends!
And we’ll have you know that we’re not the only ones who feel this way:
Christopher Robin cute though
— Costco Hotdog (@gayspud) August 31, 2022
Of course, the takes have been flying on Twitter since the full trailer dropped this morning, and the thirst is just the tip of the iceberg. Below and a few of our favorite reactions:
Imma be cheering for Pooh and his friends through the whole movie. Fuck Christopher Robin that dumb twink! https://t.co/qWonaYt5Mv
— mike (@mschredz) August 31, 2022
“Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey”looks like it might be the worst movie ever made. That said, I plan to preorder tickets and be there opening night. pic.twitter.com/SOo7MhXWbt
— laney (@laneymakesstuff) August 31, 2022
No matter how this movie turns out, I just love the fact that as soon as Winnie the Pooh went public domain, this is the first new movie we get! https://t.co/iulQcjTY7H
— HalloweenYear-Round (@HalloweenYrRnd) August 31, 2022
WE WILL BE WATCHING ON OPENING NIGHT!! pic.twitter.com/vg8u6CAs9l
— RickyRee🐝🦦 (@rickyree209) August 31, 2022
Just because you CAN, SHOULD you? https://t.co/bgQdtN4c0E
— the big cat™? (@artxcore) August 31, 2022
— jruss (@jruss072) August 31, 2022
Umm… yes please. pic.twitter.com/GQ51fKi2Lg
— Tommy Pistol vs トミーピストル (@TommyPistol) August 31, 2022