Chuck Norris is So Weak He’s Terrified of ‘Gay Anarchy’

Fresh off his role as the punchline to Gov. Mike Huckabee’s presidential bid, Chuck Norris is taking a fresh stab at politics by weighing in on Proposition 8 protests. In an op-ed called “If Democracy Doesn’t Work, Try Anarchy“, he cries “Where are the hate-crime cops when religious conservatives need them?”

The whole piece is a gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage that form a sort of Greatest Hits list of Yes on 8 talking points over the last week. Even though we’ve disproved these things half a dozen times already, we’ll break it down again, because if there’s one thing public education has proven it’s that endless repetition can reach even the dimmest of minds:

“Protestors [sic] of Proposition 8 in California (the marriage amendment) shoved aside a 69-year-old woman who was bearing a cross. They reportedly spit on her and stomped on her cross. They then aligned themselves in a human barricade, blocking the media from getting to or interviewing the woman.”

Only the first sentence of that is factually true. Meanwhile, at a protest last week at the Mormon Church, one man was punched in the face by a Yes on 8 supporter and three other women were hit by Mormon supporters. Violence is uncool, no matter where it comes from, but Prop 8. supporters have been as violent, if not more so.

“Letters containing white powder (obviously mimicking anthrax) were sent to the Salt Lake City headquarters of the Mormon church and to a temple in Los Angeles. (Thankfully, the FBI said the substance was nontoxic.) “

Unless the Texas Ranger has a hot line to the FBI, he’s jumping the gun on this. The FBI investigation is still ongoing and nobody knows who sent the envelope. Some have suggested that, like a similar case involving Scientology, the envelopes may have been sent by someone within the church.

“The 25-year artistic director of the California Musical Theatre, who also happens to be a Mormon, was muscled to resign because of his $1,000 donation to the campaign to ban gay marriage in California. “

Scott Eckern offered up his resignation of his own accord.

“A pro-homosexual, pro-anarchy organization named Bash Back marched into the middle of a church service and flung fliers and condoms to the congregants. They also hung a banner from the balcony that featured two lesbians in provocative positions at the pulpit. “

Well, yeah, that part is pretty true.

“Lastly, the tolerance-preaching activists also have taken their anger to the blogosphere, where posts have planted ideas ranging from burning churches to storming the citadels of government until our society is forced to overturn Prop. 8”

Does that mean Chuck Norris is a Queerty reader? If so, “Hi Chuck! How are you enjoying this post so far? I can’t wait til I tear into your statement about how evil it is for minorities not to follow the will of the majority. Stick around!”

“You even can find donor blacklists online. The lists include everyone who financially backed Prop. 8 — even those who gave as little as $46”

Chuck Norris thinks the Los Angeles Times is part of the evil gay anarchy agenda with their database of names provided by the California Secretary of State.

“What’s wrong with this picture? Lots. First, there’s the obvious inability of the minority to accept the will of the majority. “

Damn those pesky majorities being upset by the “tyranny of the majority”! Norris might want to read Plato’s Republic, Alexis de Tocqueville’s Democracy in America, John Stuart Mill’s On Liberty, Federalist Paper No. 10, or any of the other hundreds of foundations of democratic thought which argue vehemently against what James Madison called “the violence of majority faction”. Seriously Chuck, do you know the first thing about American democracy? I’m serious. You’re a moron.

“What’s surprising (or maybe not so) is that even though 70 percent of African-Americans voted in favor of Proposition 8, protests against black churches are virtually nonexistent.”

We’ve got a big story coming up on this, but as we’ve pointed out again and again, a.) the statistic is inaccurate and b.) there have been protests all over the country, not just outside Mormon temples– and the Mormon Church (if not all Mormons) was a direct and active supporter of Prop. 8, so protesting them is both moral and justified.

“There is a difference between respectfully advocating one’s civil rights and demanding public endorsement of what many still consider to be unnatural sexual behavior through cruel coercion and repression tactics.”

Who knew Chuck Norris was such a big baby? Marriage equality advocates throw a few protests and boycott a few business and they’re guilty of “cruel coercion and repression tactics”?

Norris is absolutely right that people are allowed to vote and donate money as they see fit, but they are also responsible for their actions. If you run a business and donated to Prop. 8, knowing full well that your donation would be public, you put your employees welfare at risk. People are free to spend their money as they please, but people are also free to withhold their money as well. While there have been scattered incidents of violence and arrests on both sides, the protests, while angry and defiant, are remarkably peaceful for their size and spontaneity.

The fact is, the only argument bigots like Norris have is, “We don’t like you.” The fact is, you’re down to calling us “terrorists”, “anarchists” and “fascists” and it’s pretty laughable. As Gandhi once said, “First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win.”

That’s right Norris, you just got your ass handed to you by Gandhi.