A woman is at a loss for how to handle her trifling boyfriend, so she’s seeking advice from “no-nonsense agony uncle” Brian O’Reilly.
In her letter, the woman explains that she and her boyfriend have been together for about five years, though they recently split up for a time after she made a shocking discovery on his computer.
“One day when I was cleaning his email inbox for him I discovered emails between him and another man,” she says.
OK. Let’s pause right there for a moment. Cleaning his email inbox? Is that even a thing?
How about we take this to the next level?
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The woman continues:
“It didn’t take long reading them to figure out him and this man had been having sex. I was shocked and heartbroken. There were emails going back at least two years, back to the start of our relationship.”
As she read on, she was stunned learn the man her boyfriend had been chatting with wanted to introduce him to his family. Clearly, he had no idea she even existed!
But it doesn’t end there.
As she continued her sleuthing, er, “inbox cleaning”, she made another truly heartbreaking discovery.
“He had joined countless dating websites describing himself as gay on his profiles and had been posting messages looking for gay sex on forums.”
When she finally confronted him about everything, she says her boyfriend insisted he’s straight and that he no longer sleeps with men.
“I know this to be nonsense,” the woman says. “I’d forgiven him countless times for cheating with women but this was too much. He has never had any remorse for his actions.”
Now she wonders: “Do I keep trying to make things work?”
Brian’s response:
“Short answer–no, dear God no.”
He, too, takes issue with the woman’s “cleaning the inbox” claims.
“You were snooping, plain and simple. And you shouldn’t have been,” he writes. “You didn’t stumble into his email inbox while attacking the laptop with your feather duster.”
Of course, that doesn’t excuse her boyfriend, who Brian calls “a serial, compulsive cheater and liar” and “toxic”, or his bad behavior.
“He sounds like a classic case of wanting his cake and eating it–he wants to have sex with anything with a pulse, but expects you to be the perfect housewife waiting loyally at home for him?”
Related: Woman shocked to discover husband has been soliciting online sex with men, wonders what to do
Brian continues: “There is nothing to salvage here–his behavior shows he has no respect for you, and he probably never will. This has been dragging on for a tortuously long time, you need to move on with your life.”
What do you think? Should she stick around and hope things get better, or is it time to kick this guy to the curb? Share your thoughts in the comments…
Josh447
I think she needs to decide whether she can handle being married to an active gay or bi guy. When she realizes no, then let this guy go so the next one can majicly appear. What’s really going to toast her tomtoms is when she finds out the cat and dog have been sleeping together, and they’re gay. Psychic break I magine.
Donston
No matter where his orientation lies he sounds like another egocentric, manipulative sexual megalomaniac. And the fact that she needs re-assurance to stay broken up reveals why they were a couple to begin with.
crowebobby
If she’s no longer in love with him, what difference does it make who’s right or wrong or by how big a margin? It’s over; move on.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
He sounds hot and in demand and best suited to being free to peruse his adventures. Some people are just not constitutionally suited to settlling down.
Donston
I actually agree (though being “hot” and “in demand” has nothing to do with monogamy as many not appealing in any way type of people get plenty of sex. It’s not that difficult to get some whenever and with whatever type of person you wish). No matter inherent orientation, if your urges and instincts are so varied and constant and you can’t or don’t wish to fight them then you need to stay single or build an honest understanding with whoever you’re with.
Donston
However, many people aren’t interested in living such an honest way because they want to retain some social norms and also because they get off on manipulating people and keeping secrets and feeling subversive.
Juanjo
So she is a snoop, looking on his computer and he is a dog, out looking for action whenever possible. Sounds like a perfect relationship.
THAT Steve
He’s cheated extensively. Forgive but not forget seems to be her credo and considering what she found it’s a good one!
Paco
Sounds like two toxic people found one another. She is a snoop and he is a cheating liar that will never stop until he has wilted and will have to pay for sex or only get it once a year from the wife because no one will be willing anymore.
They should stay together.
Jaxton
So the wife is prepared to forgive her boyfriend for cheating with women but not with men? What a hypocrite she is!
I’m not surprised, actually. Women find male bisexuality threatening because it removes from women the power of consent. Men thus tend to hide – rather than advertise – their bisexuality when they are in relationships with women.
Cheating is always wrong but I blame women for the fact that many men hide their sexuality from their girlfriends or wives.
Jack Meoff
More made up stories. I’m surprised it’s not from reddit.
kent25
I can’t stand men who think they can have it both ways. be a husband to your wife, She didn’t sign up for that bull sh*t. Be a man and handle your business and quit lusting after other men
Jaxton
He’s entitled to find men hot even if he’s married to a woman. Sexual feelings don’t change because of monogamy.
Of course, he has no right to cheat on her but he has every right to feel whatever lusts take his fancy.
She has no right to be pissed off with him if he’s not cheating on her.
Luna1979
If you get to the point where you feel the need to break into your partner’s email, the trust in that relationship is already gone. When I was young, I spied on my first boyfriend like a psycho maniac and anything he did was suspect. I was miserable and so was he. Then I grew up. I decided to be happy and trusting. If something set off my alarm, I just left and found someone who treated me better. No fights, no drama and no snooping.
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Corey
Straight up; just let go.
robt
Maybe he’s bisexual? Maybe he’s gay? Maybe he’s queer? Take a Xanax with a martini: she ain’t a Syrian refugee. #givemeabreak
Evji108
Considering what this guy was up to, you could hardly blame her for “cleaning” out his inbox. Now she seriously needs to sanitize her lady-box after all the manpussay he’s been porking.