A married father of two on Reddit is in a serious bind. He’s trapped in a loveless marriage that doesn’t fulfill him emotionally or sexually.
“I’m a 42 year old male and I’ve been married to my wife for 12 years now,” the man’s post begins. “The kids are 11 and 8. My family has no idea at all that I am secretly gay.”
“My wife and I rarely have sex, but she doesn’t seem to mind too much,” he continues. “The truth is, every time we make love, I have to imagine I’m having sex with a man to make it remotely enjoyable for me.”
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The man goes on to say that he sees his wife more as a friend then a companion or lover.
“When I wake up in the morning and turn around,” he says, “I secretly wish there was a man lying next to me in her place.”
To keep himself happy, he must resort to gay porn and fantasizing about sleeping with guys.
“I try to keep myself satiated by watching gay porn in secret whenever my wife and kids aren’t around (which isn’t very often),” he writes. “I can’t stop thinking about trying to hook up with another dude for one night without the wife and kids finding out. I get a near instantaneous hard-on when I think about it.”
But lately that hasn’t been enough.
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“The desire for gay sex is becoming overwhelming for me,” he confesses. “Just watching gay porn isn’t enough for me. Are there any other men out there in the closet who are married with kids? How do you deal with it?”
Naturally, his fellow Redditers have lots of advice.
“You sit her down and come out to her,” one person orders.
“You made your bed, now lie in it,” someone else says. “Come out to your wife.”
“I feel more bad for your wife and kids than you to be honest,” a third person adds.
Other people are a little more compassionate.
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“I came out to my wife,” another person says. “It was hard, but not that hard. I don’t think she was very surprised, and I bet your wife might be the same.”
“You can still be a good dad to your kids even if you are divorced,” someone else chimes in.
“I was married to a wonderful woman when I came out,” a third person adds. “You’re probably going to get laid constantly if your halfway decent looking… Everyone goes through a “Making up for lost time” slut phase. You’ll have to calm down quickly and try to find a man however, cuz you’re not a spring chicken any longer.”
Then there was this: “Your wife probably deserves someone who loves her physically and romantically. If you can see her dating again, younger is always better than later for women. It would be even rougher to wait until she’s in an older age category and ejecting her into the dating world then. Young kids can make dating for a woman tough, but age makes it even tougher.”
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And this: “You can just leave your wife without telling her at first. But the thing is that everyone is going to want to know the reason for the divorce and they are all going to find out anyway after you come out.”
Oh, and also this: “I’m a BDSM master and I play with quite a few married guys or men in long term relationships with women whose partners know we play. In many case part of the deal is that we all go out to dinner first and the partner gets to know me and gives her approval. It ultimately depends on your wife.”
What do you think this guy should do? Sound off in the comments section below…
Paco
Wow. Some of the comments made me shake my head.
——
““You’re probably going to get laid constantly if your halfway decent looking… ”
“You’ll have to calm down quickly and try to find a man however, cuz you’re not a spring chicken any longer.”
——
So pretty much, please just stay in the closet if you are ugly, old or both. Sheesh.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
Whittling or jigsaw puzzles is the way to go
Tobi
@PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Priceless. 🙂
Chris
You have one chance at this life. Don’t throw it away; and don’t ask your wife to do so with hers. The kindest thing is to cut her lose to find someone who can return her love and affection.
People might think that he has to come out first; but the truth of the matter is that he really doesn’t have to, unless/until he’s ready to do so. He can get a divorce from her, set up whatever responsibilities he has, and then get on with his life.
A conversation starter might be: “Are you happy in this marriage/relationship? Because the truth of the matter is that I’m not.”
Now where’s my copy of that Paul Simon record, “50 ways to leave your lover?”
Malcolm Forest
Those hateful answers given to this desperate man is why I would advise any person who is GLBT.
Stay the hell away from the toxic Scene.
Lestar
Women fear men who are attracted to other men because men are…lol, I’m kidding. I’ll leave that to Brian.
MyDadPulledOut
Closeted fathers make me sick! They have literally destroyed not only their own life, but the life of their wife as well.
Nothing could be more selfish, and self centered.
gaym50ish
I see no reason to “come out” to the wife — just end the marriage. Wives can be very vindictive, turn the kids against the dad, make visitations difficult, etc. Why go through that? Once he’s on his own he can have the life he wants and still not be open about it with the wife and her friends.
Matt1961
I was married for 22 years before I couldn’t take the hiding any more. I am now divorced 5 years, have a boyfriend of 4 years, and am very happy. It’s never too late to be yourself.
zooby
@MyDadPulledOut: EXACTLY x 100000
Nothing angers me more than these selfish closeted cowards trying to have their cake and eat it too – a public straight life (while dragging an innocent women with them) and a private gay life. It’s so disgusting. Good thing karma and the truth catches up to these people eventually. And the way they blame their decision on society or their religion… SMH. *YOU* chose to do it yourself.
zooby
@gaym50ish: Um, because it is the truth and he owes it to her… especially after the coward did this to himself by dragging his poor wife through his problems. He should’ve thought about that before he CHOSE to marry a woman.
zooby
@gaym50ish: Also, comments like THAT are the reason so many stay closeted (ie “why tell people? You can have a gay life without telling your friends and loved ones!”) Yeah, see how THAT works.