Cold Bitches II: Ice Queens!

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We love the gays, of course, but not unconditionally. As we established in our beloved – and equally loathed – Cold Bitches, a collection of some evil homo mofos, not all the homos are deserving of praise. In fact, some are downright deplorable. Thus, Cold Bitches II: Ice Queens!

Like all sequels, this one’s got more blood, guts and even more frosty flamers, like porn stars-turned-alleged-killers, Harlow Cuadra and Joseph Kerekes. Find out all about their bitchery – and others’ – after the jump!


[Watch as Cothran describes being seduced by labia loving ladies. The horror!]
Charlene Cothran: Out and proud African-American lesbian. Staunch GLBT activist. Editor-in-Chief of Venus Magazine, a national publication catering to the black queer community community. Once upon a time, Charlene Cothran was an indisputable same-sex loving leader – until that fateful, flip-flopping day when she was, as she says, rescued from a “sinking ship,” found Christ and renounced her lesbianic ways.

Then, as if that’s not cold enough, Cothran lent her voice to the ex-gay movement and encouraged her former comrades to “turn their lives around.” She even gave interviews to such quality new sources as The 700 Club and Christianity Today, yakitty-yakking about exorcising the devil from her life. The kicker? She still doesn’t identify as straight. When asked how she views her sexuality post-“seeing the light,” Cothran told Christianity Today, “I view myself as celibate.” Girl, who do you think you’re fooling?

Larry Craig: We know Larry Craig’s hardly the first – or last – Republican to be caught trolling for dick, but the Idahoan Senator deserves special ridicule for his queenly hypocrisy. Despite being dragged through the mud after his arrest in a Minnesota men’s room, Craig still found time to co-sponsor the recent Senatorial Federal Marriage Amendment, a measure opposed even by fellow Republican politicos like John McCain and Rudy Guiliani! Craig’s sponsorship of this legislation – even after his queer controversy – proves he’s straight up despicable.

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Countess Elizabeth Báthory: Don’t be fooled by her regal appearance – bisexual Elizabeth Báthory had the instincts of a common killer! Born in 1560 to an aristocratic Hungarian family, Báthory followed the socially acceptable line by marrying young and living the life of the well-to-do. Upon her husband’s death in 1604, however, all hell broke loose and Báthory began spending her time kidnapping, torturing and murdering young girls. Descriptions of her torturing included beating her victims over extended periods of time, burning or mutilating their hands, faces, and genitalia, biting the flesh off their various body parts, freezing them to death, starving them, and performing “bad” surgery. It is also alleged that Báthory bathed in the blood of her victims to retain her youth and promote beauty.

At first no one cared about the slew of missing lasses, because Báthory stuck mostly to the socially disabled. When low-class resources ran low, however, Báthory started going after the upperclass women, a crime that simply could not be overlooked. Though convicted on 80 counts of torturing and killing, some historians put her count closer 600 total victims. Still, the Countess’ social standing saved her hide – rather than sending her to jail, Báthory’s family simply bricked her up in an isolated wing of their castle, where she went mad and died.

Allan Grimson: “You are a highly-dangerous serial killer who killed two young men in horrifying and appalling circumstances.” Thus spoke Winchester Crown Court Judge Peter Cresswell when sentencing Grimson to life in prison. Grimson has what we call “serious fucking issues.” He beat 18-year-old sailor Nicholas Wright to death with a baseball bat and slit his throat after Wright rebuffed Grimson’s advances. Then, after killing him, the twisted Grimson had sex with the dead body before hiding it in bushes. Grimson’s second victim was also a strapping young man, Sion Jenkins, a 20-year old bartender Grimson lured to his apartment, where poor Jenkins was raped, tortured and later killed. Speaking later of the Wright killing, Grimson remarked, “It was such a feeling. I have never, ever had that feeling. It was a feeling of power. I would say it was better than sex.” Taking a life for kicks? That’s cold, grim shit, son.

Harlow Cuadra and Joseph Kerekes (pictured on page one): This dastardly duo definitely give porn stars a bad name. Currently on trial for the murder of Bryan Kocis, Cuadra and Kerekes allegedly stabbed the porn producer twenty-eight times, slit his throat and set him aflame to destroy the evidence. It didn’t work. So, why did they go through all this bloody trouble? The most commonly accepted story claims that the men, who ran an oh-so-classy company called “Norfolk Male Escorts,” offed Kocis to liberate gay porn star Sean Lockhart from his contract with Kocis’ Cobra Video. With Kocis out of the way, they allegedly thought, they could then work with Lockhart, who fucks by the name Brent Corrigan. That’s definitely not a business model we’d advise. But, you know, cold bitches have their own standards.

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J. Edgar Hoover: A reader called us out for not including J. Edgar Hoover in the first Cold Bitches rundown, but we had a good reason: there’s no proof that he dug dudes.

While some historians play down his relationship with fellow spook Clyde Tolson (pictured, left, with Hoover) others have “confirmed” the two men were lovers.

The fact that Hoover left Tolson his entire estate only fueled the flame-licking rumors.

In addition to chumming about for over 40 years, even going on vacations together, Hoover and Tolson also led many a scare – red, lavender, black, you name it.

It’s under Hoover’s nearly 50 year reign that the FBI began keeping files on civil rights leaders and targeting gay activists, began counter intelligence programs against enemy groups, downplayed mob activity and, as the Senate found, bungled the investigation in President John F. Kennedy’s assassination.

Gay or not, Hoover’s incendiary witch hunts definitely garner him some cold bitch points.

Tinky Winky: As if we need to explain this one! The religious right were right to target this fictional children’s character. Together with the other Teletubbies, Tinky Winky disseminated incoherent songs, alien emotions and perpetuated ideals of Utopian future. Worse than that: their sun was a baby. A burning baby! Oh, the humanity!

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