As colleges around the world fill up to the familiar sounds of sliding dining trays, bags of wine being slapped and an omnipresent symphony of clicking keyboards, it got us reminiscent of our campus days.
But college years tend to be romanticized when you look on them. Of course, if you’re the adorable Dan Levitz, hooking up in the dorms and maybe finding that special someone may come easily. For most, it’s a turbulent period of self discovery specked with the ups and downs that come with finding yourself away from the comforts of home.
We asked the team at Whisper to give us a snapshot of what it’s like for college students as they begin a fresh school year. Here’s what they found :
To see more confessions about being gay in college, check out Whisper.
money718
Awwww. The best days of my life.
nowliveit
WTF There’s a stray leg that’s the wrong color and pointing in the wrong direction in the pic with 2 guys under a blue blanket: “I’m gay and I’ve hooked up with 2 guys already and it’s only been 2 weeks into college”
Blackceo
Oh man those quotes bring back some amazing memories of college. I went to a huge university with over 25000 students and if there is one period of my life I wish I could go back and experience again it’s college. Not that I have any regrets, but because it was so fun and amazing I would love to experience that again. Some “Str8” boys definitely didnt mind getting experimental and they didn’t always need liquor for it. I went to an all male secondary school before college so that actually prepped me quite a bit for dorm life and fraternity life. I’m just so thankful for making it out of those years without contracting anything tho cuz I was quite slutacious and not always safe. But wow those were some of the best years of my life and I have maintained connections with some great people.
Tommysole
The joys of living in a college town. lots of hunky college guys, they always need a bj, most love to have their feet licked, a few of them I have met are VERY kinky, and many of them say they are Straight, but I know otherwise and I get plenty of sex.
n1spirit
@nowliveit: You’re mistaken. Legs are all in the right places and there is a shadow. It isn’t photoshop’ed if that is what you’re suggesting.
jimstoic
My first college roommate was gay, but neither of us know about the other until we ran into each other 15 years later in a bar. Guess what we did then?
SteveDenver
I remember guys being so horny all the time. I was older and had a massage table. Funny how many guys didn’t mind helping me “study” for my certification. I knew when they were hard and flipped them over it was GAME ON.
Bulls Eye
Guys in college are notoriously sexual. So there’s no surprise that they hook-up with gays and gay-curious all the time.
And these things pass for “secrets”?????
Salacious titles do not interesting articles make. Keep it up, guys. I’ll start junking the emails and delete the link.
asby
The strength of Jason Collins?…..U mean u want to come out almost 10 years after college and when u are jobless?
tdx3fan
I proudly commuted, and I feel better off for it. Of course I also went to regional campuses and paid half tuition. I got to grow up without having to blow my life on the college years. One of my step kids commutes, and the other lives on campus many states away. Our college fund pays out the same amount for both, and the one that gets to use all that extra money on whatever he wants has a much better life overall.
tdx3fan
It also never ceases to amaze me that the same ones that normally bitch about relationships do things like limit their potential mates based on nothing more than the wrong hair color, skin color, height or weight then bitch about how they haven’t found the right one when if they only started looking for people for who they are and how they make you feel instead of your ideal of what your mate should look like you would have much better odds.
Paco
Interesting how many are lusting after straight guys to the point of lamenting about it online. There must really be a difference between gay and straight men, from the gay point of view. I wonder why gay men aren’t good enough for them.
michael
@Paco:
Gay men do like other gay men, and they are plenty “good enough.”
However, when a gay man seduces a straight man,
that “proves” that we are all “equal” (at least sexually) –
and that gay men are not “sick” or “less than” because we like to swap head-
because – guess what! – straight guys sometimes like to swap head too!
Seducing a straight guy can be very enlightening and self-affirming,
particularly to less-experienced college-age guys,
because it demonstrates the fluidity of sexual experience
and teaches one that their personal sexual desires (gay, straight, bi, other)
are actually well within the norm.
Paco
@michael: I’ll have to take your word for it, because I made it through my college years without needing sex with “straight” guys to affirm my sexual identity. There were many hot gay men for me to lust after that required very little effort or games to bed. The closest to bedding a straight guy I have ever been were with self-identified bisexuals and I felt no more enlightened with them as I did with the out and proud gay men. My point was, why lament about it on Whisper if there are many attractive and worthwhile gay men to lust after and hookup with? To say that having sex with a straight guy is self-affirming, means that having sex with a gay man wouldn’t have the same effect? Why not go for something more readily available, especially in this age of easy internet hookups? Why base you sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men?
smodda
I was gay-bashed (even though I didn’t identify as gay) within my first month of living on campus. It was hell for the next 4 years. I didn’t finally come out until I was well into grad school. Every time I get a fundraiser letter from my university, I ask them why I was the one that was forced to move from my dorm instead of the perpetrators.
wpewen
The visuals here are contrived. It’s as if an entire generation’s been seduced by Photoshop or whatever it is. The dialog is set-up, virtually no mention of academics and socializing other than sex. I’m much older probably than most here, but I have my doubts about some of the sex stuff. Went in the 80’s lived in Men’s dorm, was surrounded by straight men. My friends were straight guys who were older than the undergrads generally, when I wanted action I went off campus. Was offered sex once by a close straight friend and said no. What is this fascination with straight men? I’m 56 and always found plenty of available guys when I wanted who were gay and masculine. I wouldn’t BE some straight guys chick.
enlightenone
@asby: Was wondering if anyone would catch this. He was such a coward until last year with a live-in girlfriend, engaged for several of the 9 years “together,” even his TWIN didn’t know until a year ago! Now he is getting much attention for being a proud gay man. Those who were out, proud gay men had bottles and rocks thrown at them, spat on, beaten, jailed, lost jobs, thrown out of their rentals, fired for being a “pedophile” as teachers, etc!
enlightenone
@michael:”Why base your sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men?” Waiting for your insightful, affirming response!
enlightenone
@smodda: Tragic! Not that it making up for it, but I hope graduate school was better as well as your life now?
enlightenone
@wpewen: “I wouldn’t BE some straight guys chick.” That’s because you are a prideful, respectable, gay MAN! Your full comment alone was sexy and so reassuring. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!
Rusty Alcorta
Times have changed. In my time everyone was closeted and I went to a college in a small town for two years. Making a pass at another college boy who was not gay might mean you had to move and go somewhere else, but fortunately I was in a long term relationship since high school and I didn’t like college boys. I liked soldiers, sailors, mechanics and construction workers. I don’t like them feminine but I don’t like them straight and believe me there are plenty of hunky gay guys to choose from. I saw too many straight guys use gay boys for sex and money then dumped them for a girl. A lot of gay boys don’t understand that while they are blowing a straight guy or the straight guy is humping them, the straight guy is thinking of a girl. If all you want is sex, that’s fine because if the the guy is straight you’ll never change him just like you can’t change a gay guy to go straight so a relationship is out of the question. I wanted the guy who was having sex with me to think of me and not a woman. Long term closeted relationships in those days were a must.
Rob
@asby: The “strength” I suppose, to be a mediocre player and garner Oprah’s love and adoration (whatever that’s worth). Plus, he contributed to the spank bank for the sexuality = identity crowd.
drumstick
I when to university from 1983-1987…what a lousy time to “come out”. AIDS was barely being talked about, and no one knew exactly how you could catch it – or protect yourself. Many “safe sex” pamphlets said it could be spread by “deep kissing” and there were newspaper reports that it could be spread by mosquitos (they would carry blood between victims). It was impossible to get accurate information. Condoms were nowhere to be found. The only way to survive was to assume that it was “someone else’s problem”, i.e. a slutty people problem.
Nevertheless, I got a handjob from my roommate and a blowjob from my first “boyfriend”, who lasted 1 week. I was totally freaked out each time.
To my surprise a lot of the “sluttier” gay boys I knew in college, still survive to this day. Many, many are gone. But there are a few of us who still made it through. And for that I am very grateful.
So, if I could go back to college with everything we know now…it would be a different story!
michael
@Paco: Why base you sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men?
@enlightenone: ”Why base your sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men?” Waiting for your insightful, affirming response!
I grew up in a small country town and started college in 1973. There was still plenty of debate at that time about whether or not being gay was a mental illness or perhaps a failure to psychologically develop past adolescence, etc. These theories were proposed by supposedly learned men and other role models (teachers, coaches, clergy, etc.) Nonetheless, I was fairly well read at 18 (and had discovered a few gay books including The Lord Won”t Mind and Naked Came I) and I was questioning the validity of those theories – in part because I thought I might be gay and I really did not feel like I was “damaged.”
While I understand that times have changed and there is much more awareness and acceptance of diverse sexuality today, there are still many young men from conservative small towns going off to college and feeling excited about re-inventing themselves.
I was a good student, believed in education, and welcomed college as a learning experience – not just in terms of the curriculum but also in terms of living on my own, making new friends, developing my adult personality and discovering who I truly was sexually. At 18, my sexual experiences consisted of masturbating, jacking off with a few guys down at the creek and feeling up my senior year girlfriend under her clothes. Yeah, I know that most guys have more experience at 18 today, but in my town in 1973 my experience was fairly normal.
I lived in the dorms my freshman year and was well-liked enough to hang out with the other guys in their rooms smoking dope, drinking beer and listening to music. Some of these friendships became sexual by showering together late at night, playing guitar in our underwear, giving each other “shotguns” (which is almost kissing) and falling asleep together and cuddling. A few of them went further with touching, j/o and – a few times – oral. I did not “seek out” straight men to seduce – this all happened naturally, and was actually very sweet.
What I learned was that some guys liked intimacy/sex with other guys. Many of these guys did not (and do not now) identify as primarily gay. What I learned was that sex between men was not unusual or shameful (at least between us 2.)
What I learned was that I was not damaged, that I had the same desires as many men do, and that some men act on these desires. What I learned was that the “experts” and their developmental theories were wrong. I learned all of this in about 9 months during my freshman year, and was free of those societal constraints from then on.
I have had sex with many lovely men since then, the vast majority of them openly gay. But I do still enjoy intimacy with hetero guys occasionally, when the situation is right. Not because I feel like I am “getting over” on them, but because I think it gives the hetero guy an opportunity to experience something that he likes to do but, for whatever reason, does not often get the opportunity. It is the gift of intimacy between men. And, if you trust the Kinsey scale, most men are somewhat sexually fluid anyway.
Why base my sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men? Those are not my words. I am clear on my sexual worth and have been since I was 18. I am not worthy of only other gay men, I am worthy of all men who care to share emotional and sexual intimacy.
And yeah, I want the approval of hetero men. I also want the approval of all of society – male, female, gay, straight, bi, other. Isn’t that a part of what gay liberation is all about… being accepted as an equal? Who doesn’t want love and acceptance?
enlightenone
@michael: “What I learned was that I was not damaged…What I learned was that the “experts” and their developmental theories were wrong [DUE TO CERTAIN INFLUENCES AT THE TIME]…I…was free of those societal constraints from then on.” Your eloquent writing, self-awareness, where you grew up, and edge of eighteen mind gave much power to “base my sexual worth on the approval of heterosexual men” to certainly NOT being the case though they were NOT your words.
What a gift: Your “9-Month Journey” how you learned to embrace the gift of your sexuality as a gay MAN!!!!!!! A journey that pretty much mirrored my own except, the damaged part. The “disorder” was removed from the DSM by the time I turned 18 and attended college. Fortunately, the book The Best Little Boy in the World affirmed and validated my sexuality long before I stumbled upon these “wrong” theories, and then later James Baldwin’s “Just Above My Head!”
Paco
@michael: Many of us grow up feeling damaged because of our sexuality. Most of us are taught to be heterosexual and any deviation from that is not acceptable. However, most of us accept ourselves as normal without the need to try and seduce our oppressors for some kind of validation. We seek each other out for that validation. Gay liberation is about, at least for me, having our relationships seen as just as valid as heterosexual relationships. We demand our homosexuality be accepted and the boundaries respected, yet some of us can’t respect the boundaries with heterosexuals. My liberation doesn’t include trying to make heterosexual men sexually available to me. I spent a good portion of my life trying to be pushed into sex with women, I am not going to spend my life trying to do it to men that aren’t gay just because I want to get off no matter what. If a man tells me he is straight I respect that the same as I expect him to respect I am gay.
I just find it funny that the “sexual fluidity” straight men are supposed to have, hardly ever applies (in my experience) in the reverse with gay men. Funny how one way it tends to be, yes? While those men you seduce may never choose to be in a gay relationship, they are most certainly bisexual and no amount of mental gymnastics on your part to keep them “straight” while they enjoy screwing you will change that. You have a fetish for the unobtainable I think. Nothing more than that.
michael
@enlightenone:
Unfortunately, we don’t all get to be raised in a liberal, white suburb.
Ask a young man raised in a Tennessee Southern Baptist Church, or a Mormon dude raised in Salt Lake City, or a black guy raised on the south side of Chicago how easy it is to come out in HS – there is just too much to lose.
This is why the It Gets Better project and others like it are so important.
We need to help these guys make it through HS and into college so that they can have a chance to become somebody.
It’s no surprise that some young men are confused, nervous, lonely, etc. at first (see Tyler Clementi.)
They haven’t yet developed the confidence that they are actually ok just the way they are.
However, college is the big opportunity to discover who you (and others) are without too many people looking over your shoulder and judging you. The freedom to just be yourself (or even to try on various identities) is very liberating, and (at least in my experience) it did not take me long to “come into my own.”
And, yep, for the college-bound (or for those not going) there is a wealth of good literature out there to help young people understand themselves – if one is a reader.
AtticusBennett
Dear College Gays, COME OUT. right away. join your school’s LGBT group(s)
the point of college/uni is not just education – but to finally BE WHO YOU ACTUALLY ARE.
so, don’t tell all the lies you told back home in high school. present yourself, as soon as possible, as the gay man you actually are. don’t hide. don’t lie. don’t wait. and don’t get stuck repeating your old patterns of trying to “pass for straight” and playing up to the “i’m not gay” act. just come out. that’s WHY you went away to school. don’t waste time.
michael
@Paco:
“My liberation doesn’t include trying to make heterosexual men sexually available to me.”
I suppose that some gay men do try to “make heterosexual men sexually available…”
However, that was never my thing.
Sometimes (not often, maybe 10 times in the past 40 years) a self-identified hetero guy and I will just click psychologically and emotionally, become close, and some form of intimate sexual expression then naturally comes to pass. It has always been quite nice for both of us and cements our friendship even more (although it may not happen more than once.)
BTW – In my posts I am not referring to drunken fucks in the alley behind the bar. These men are friends that I have actual relationships with. A totally hetero guy (a Kinsey 1) would have no interest in being physically intimate with a gay guy -unless they are masochists or violent in some way. Needless to say, I have no interest in that.
“While those men you seduce may never choose to be in a gay relationship, they are most certainly bisexual and no amount of mental gymnastics on your part to keep them “straight” while they enjoy screwing you will change that.”
No mental gymnastics, my friend. Of course they are bisexual (or somewhere else between 1 and 6 on the Kinsey scale.)
That is the sexual fluidity I am referring to.
It is interesting that self-identified hetero men will sometimes be sexual with another man but self-identified gay men rarely (but not never) have sex with women. I don’t know that this proves anything – perhaps most gay men strictly identify as gay (a Kinsey 6) as opposed to the “hetero” men who are more of a 2-5?
enlightenone
@Paco: Agree TOTALLY with “Many of us grow up feeling damaged because of our sexuality. Most of us are taught to be heterosexual and any deviation from that is not acceptable. However, most of us accept ourselves as normal without the need to try and seduce our oppressors for some kind of validation. We seek each other out for that validation. Gay liberation is about, at least for me, having our relationships seen as just as valid as heterosexual relationships.” The rest off-the-rails in whole and part as it pertains to Michael. Reading comprehension is fundamental!!!
vive
I didn’t even have sex for the first time until after college. I was pretty sure I was the only gay person there.
vive
@n1spirit, there is an extra foot. Count them.
vive
@n1spirit, sorry, I was wrong and you were right about the legs and feet. Still, something is not quite right with the length and proportions of at least one of the legs and one of the feet in the drawing.
jockjack5
Why do Queerty’s visuals, ie photos, invariably only feature muscle-bound weight-lifters or other extremely jock-looking guys?
How about an occasional twink?
Not all gays are attracted to these type of builds. Clearly, Queerty has a bias towards these types, at the unfortunate exclusion of more “real” gay guys, ie, nerds, geeks, and twinks.
Love the site though… just sayin’
Clark35
What’s with queerty and gay men in general obsessing over “straight” men or the fantasy pipe dream of being with an actual “straight”/hetero guy? It’s as though they’re ashamed to actually admit that if a guy has sex with other guys he’s not hetero/straight at all and is really bisexual, or gay, and that there’s something wrong with being bi or gay and out. If a guy is actually hetero/straight he’s not going to “experiment” with men, or have sex with a guy even in college.
Alex94
I’m starting university in the fall at a campus of 50,000+ students. I’m bisexual and honestly am anticipating this more than anything…
Lycas7x
@drumstick: I went to school in 87. I transferred in after I worked my way thru jr. college. The College freshmen are like 19 and somehow they just new I was a few years older and I had a tough time making friends. I almost dropped out because they were so distant. A roomer started that I was in the military for a while before I started college, that I had kinda of a tough life, and I did compared to some of those kids. we were all kind of “safe” we use to call it around some people. None of us really had anything at that little school really to speak of. Everybody was kinda of your friend once the door closed too. You had to get out in the hall w/out being seen sometimes which room you were leaving. I use to get tested every three or four months and only had one or two partners. It was called a window. The months in between your tests.