What do you do when the cute guy you’ve been chatting with on Grindr shows up at your front door and looks nothing like his profile pic? That’s what one young man on Reddit wants to know.
The man, an 18-year-old college freshman, explains:
I meet this 26-year-old guy who has a blurry pic of him but he looks good. He talks to me and he’s a gentleman. Super respectful and all. We text. He’s really nice. Really proper, so we agree to meet. Something about this guy felt kinda weird though. I invite him over to my dorm since my roommates were gone.
A few hours later, the trick finally shows up. The two meet in the parking lot of the young man’s dorm.
I walk towards him. He sees me and starts walking towards me, but he looks weird. So I stop walking and I wait for him to walk into the light. He was, in fact, the same person in the only photo he had. But he wasn’t 26 years old. His hair looked healthy in the front, but in the back you could that it belonged to an old man. The guy was tall and was at least 35-years-old. He could even be in his forties.
At this point, the young man says he started to feel uncomfortable.
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He continues:
I ask the guy how old he is. He replied he’s 26, and he looks super weird. I tell him he doesn’t look like he’s 26 and he repeats he is. I ask him if he can show me his ID to prove me that he’s 26, since I feel uncomfortable. He tells me it’s not possible. The guy was being nice but still weird, so I tell him that I feel uncomfortable and that I don’t wanna go through with what we agreed.
The trick left without incident and, looking back, the young man says he feels like he put himself in a very awkward and potentially dangerous situation. He concludes by reminding his fellow Reddit users that “it’s okay to reject Grindr hookups in person. If the person is not what they said they were, or it doesn’t feel right, you can reject them.”
The post has received over 220 responses in less than a week, and people seem to have a lot of opinions about the matter.
“In these types of situations we often feel obligated or compelled to ‘be nice’ but in reality you have no obligation to do anything for any stranger,” one person responds. “It is in fact okay to say no.”
“Stay sexy and don’t get murdered,” another adds.
“This is exactly what people not using current pictures are counting on,” a third writes. “They’re counting on someone being too polite/non-confrontational to reject them to their face.”
Some are absolutely furious about what happened to the young man.
“I never understood those who send fake pics,” one commenter laments. “I mean, why waste your time and anyone’s else time?”
“No one is obligated just because they exchanged photographs and agreed to meet,” another says. “It’s not a contract! Don’t be manipulated! It never leads to anything good!”
“He was the douche for lying,” a third person adds.
Others say they’ve had similar experiences.
“OMG I have a similar experience,” one man says. “As soon as I got there I didn’t wanna do it anymore. I had an awful time but it was my fault for not having a plan B.”
Another writes, “I did it once. Just a BJ, but after that I thought about it and realized that the other guy was a total jackass for doing what he did. It’s not shallow to be upset when someone is intentionally using pictures that misrepresent themselves.”
“I’ve had this happen several times,” a third guy comments. “When I was early 20s, I’d made a date with a guy I’d met online. He’d said he was 23 and sent pics but when I turned up he was nothing like them. Easily 45 if not more.”
Then there’s this thoughtful response:
I had a situation where the other guy I met for a hookup just wasn’t that into me, for lack of a better phrase.
It kinda hurt my ego a little bit, not gonna lie, but I respected his boundaries and told him to have a good night.
No matter what though, everyone has the right to end a situation whenever they feel the need to end it. I’ve done it before, and had it done to me before, and every reasonable person needs to respect that.
How do you handle it when you no longer want to follow through with a planned hookup? Share your strategies and experiences in the comments below…
Brian
I smell a Pulitzer for Graham with this hard hitting expose.
Jared MacBride
I thought it was an Onion article. Then I saw who was on the byline.
marion
I think Graham might be paid per article and if so must be short of cash. 220 responses within one week wowee. This is the first time I have read an article about someone lying on a dating app, what is this world coming to?
michel_banen
Oh my, **** shock **** that still happens ? People not looking like their photo ? Oh, the horror. Sigh…..
dean089
LOL! Yeah, it would be more of a news item if the person showed up looking exactly like their profile photo.
Vince
“you could that it belonged to an old man. The guy was tall and was at least 35-years-old. He could even be in his forties”.
OMG. He was 35 yo. Maybe even 40. That’s totally ancient. That statement just stands on it’s own. Lol
1898
yeah i had to cringe at that one. what does “his hair looked like it belonged to an old man” even mean? was it white? i’ve seen guys in their 50s and 60s who have fantastic heads of hair and you wouldn’t know their age if you viewed them from behind. and calling a 35 year old an “old man” is ridiculous
having said that, when someone lies to me about their age, it’s an absolute deal breaker, period. if he lies about something as trivial as that, he’ll lie about everything else.
if a guy’s pic is more than two years old, it’s false advertising. if the pic is 10+ years old, it’s a blatant lie and very creepy.
rikard_pearson
keep your sense of humor about it and be careful. anyone who says “people tell me i look young for my age” is suspicious. at my age the ones who are lying about their age are teen age boys looking for a daddy. they say they are 19 or 20 but don’t like being questioned about it.
Jared MacBride
I have a friend in NYC who made an online date with a guy who was supposedly a blonde surfer. An Hassidic showed up instead. We all had a good laugh about it.
inbama
They can be hung like donkeys.
tjack47
35 and 45 years old are too old? Have mercy for these shallow young men. Still, he was an asshole for the pic. You don’t ever know who is really on the other side. It’s a risk.
Vince
Yes. The problem was that they both preferred twinks.
topshelf
The problem was not that they were 35 or 45, because that’s a perfect age range for a lot of guys. The issue is that they were about 20 years older than they claimed. It’s creepy AF, because either the guy intended to be a total fraud, or he was delusional.
darklight413
TBH, I’m always a little surprised when they DO look like their pics. I’ve had more than one incidence of the person not looking the same decade as their pics. I make it clear before even making plans that if either one of us is uncomfortable when we meet in person, no hard feelings and we part ways. I’ve left several “dates” that were not who they appeared to be. It’s also why I insist on meeting in a public place first. Even if it doesn’t work out, you can still have a drink or whatever and then take off. No harm, no foul and you can even be nice and no need to feel obligated to go any further.
Gary Q VV
Smartest comment I’ve read. Thanks for giving sensible advice.
1898
exactly, same here. i always meet in a public place with other people around. it’s more comfortable AND much safer than the alternative.
winemaker
Wow, this guy had a bad experience on a ‘hookup’ site., who da’ thunk. Well, welcome to the real world. Sad to say, there are people out there who feel the need to misrepresent themselves for whatever reason, body issues, low elf esteem, the reasons are endless.. One thing i’d have cautioned this young man against: never, never never, ever agree to meet at yours or his place the first time you meet face to face.. Common sense tells you this without it having to be put into words. if you don’t get along for whatever reason, he misrepresented himself and doesn’t look like anything in his photo, (he’s already lied to you so this should be a red flag) or he’s not your type etc, it can be difficult to get rid of him. Always, always meet in a public place, like a bar or restaurant, take your own transportation to and from and if you feel uncomfortable, just say, ‘thanks but no thanks’, tout sweet. Turn around and leave. This might seem cold and rude but why waste time on something that’s not going to work out. You’ll be doing the both of you a favor. Trust those who’ve been there many times in the past and unfortunately this will keep occurring due to the anonomity of such sites.
Chrisk
I guess it all depends on whether you’re weak or strong. yeah if I was like 5’7 and weighed 100 pounds then yeah I’d probably be wanted to find neutral ground myself..
Brian
That’s the thing, sometimes it will work out. If someone is horny enough they might just say screw it and go through with the hookup anyway. And the guy with the fake pic ends up with someone cuter than he thinks he can get with real pics. It’s the same principle as going after straight guys, sometimes they’ll give in. It’s really just a numbers game.
Heywood Jablowme
How was a “potentially dangerous situation”? (1) They met in the parking lot. (2) Is an ancient, decrepit 40 year old somehow MORE dangerous than a guy in his 20s? No, generally the opposite.
If it had been a guy in his 20s who looked exactly like his profile photo, our Redditor would have simply drooled and invited the good-looking serial killer up to his dorm room. No doubt!
1898
bad things happen to people in parking lots all the time. he said it was at night and it was dark. people get assaulted and abducted in dark parking lots. i don’t blame him for being scared
theron maas
I’m sick and tired of these narcissistic a**
H***s . Just because a guy is iver 35 you’re going to be a jerk ?
Just wait boys you are not going to be 20 something forever !
Karma is a bitch and she will bite you !!!
Chrisk
If this story is to be believed then he would technically be an asshole. Why would somebody at 26 call somebody 35 – 45 an “old man”. 20s to the 40s happens in a blink of an eye.
man5996853
Oh, please. If he used a current picture, told told the kid his real age and then the kid sent him away for looking his age, you might have a leg to stand on. But that’s not what happened.
It’s hardly narcissistic to expect a 26 year old when your hookup claims to be 26.
nitejonboy
Amen!!!
whirlaround
I don’t get it. Why is this story better than the thousands of other similar ones you can find on Reddit?
Chrisk
Graham got exactly what he expected from this. You did notice that this is getting a lot of clicks didn’t you?
Prax07
Guys lie, it’s not cool but thankfully a lot of times it is actually easy to tell just by their pic, especially if they’re just plain dumb about it. The area I’m in has a lot of closeted married men, recently divorced men, and loads of college guys. Sooo many guys list their ages as ten or even twenty years younger than they actually are. If a guy posts his age as thirty-five but his pic looks like he’s in his late fifties…ugh…like so many do, it’s an automatic block. I don’t know why they do it when it’s blatantly obvious they’re much, much older than they’re claiming. If age is such an issue for them at least be realistic if you’re gonna lie. If you look sixty-five don’t think you’re ever going to pass for forty.
1898
especially the guys who are heavy smokers and have deep lines and creases. no one looks like that at 35 unless they started serving a lifetime prison sentence at 16
Creamsicle
Graham is probably the worst offender when it comes to Queerty scooping “stories” from reddit.
This post reads like an Onion article on top of it.
justgeo
Ageism Ageism all the kid has to talk about is his disappointment poor baby. Go get a job.
1898
it’s a free country, he’s allowed to express his opinion. and he’s allowed to expect people to not lie about their age or use a 10 year old photo
iamru2
I had an early 20 something guy hitting on me recently and I told him I was into guys over 35 but the look on his face was priceless it was like I had said I only f*ck sheep, he then kept trying to convince me to hook up the more I resisted the more persistent he was!
iminheatlikeacat
I’m 33 and have been told I look late teens, it’s so frustrating. Personally I don’t think I’d care on Grindr and to make it easier would probably just shave 10 or 15 years off my profile but trying to date seriously and being rejected for looking too young, ugh
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
I had been chatting with a very good looking guy on BOTH Scruff and Grinder. I very rarely contemplate anything more than a hook up from apps. But we had so much in common and he seemed like a genuine nice guy. I began to consider that maybe this could lead to an actual relationship.
Cut to like two months later he finally suggests we meet and I was actually excited about seeing him. He said he had a hot tub and pool out back as well as a boat out back. The area he lived in has canals in the back and I was thinking could be a nice romantic evening. I get to the house and the freaking Crypt Keeper answers the door!!! He had to be pushing 90. I thought it weird his Grandpa was answering the door. I asked for Jeremy and he said it was him, and he was sorry, the pics he sent were ” a few years old”…I was afraid of being convicted of elder abuse and thought it best to leave. He was telling me the hot tub was the “perfect tempature” as I was getting in my car….
Gary Q VV
Before using the internet websites, the “cruising/hookups” sites we used were the old dial-up bulletin boards which replied on profiles only and no photos. Wow, you really took a chance in those days. But, I was never disappointed with the hookup. Every guy, and there were several, were exactly as described… just luck I guess. Maybe it was the honor system back then…HA!!. I’m revealing my age, that was way back in the late ’80s & early ’90s. But, I prefer the ‘new’ websites, just be honest and true to the other guy and especially to yourself.
fingertrouble
No pictures, no expectations, and most people are honest if you ask.
I agree, the newsgroup times were better (I wouldn’t be here if wasn’t for alt.sex.bears), Grindr et al just encourage people to be more clone-like and the same, and impossible standards of youth and/or muscles.
chip_in_ga
I don’t meet anyone in person unless I can see them live on cam first. Now days most phones have cams, no excuse not to be able to.
nitejonboy
Someone got paid to write this shit ?