Last month, 19-year-old Villanova University swimmer Ryan Murtha (pictured) gathered his teammates together before practice to share a secret he had been living with for years, OutSports reports. It was a secret he had didn’t think he could ever tell anyone, given his Roman Catholic upbringing, his work with the Boy Scouts of America, and the fact that he was on a college sports team.
Standing in front of the entire Villanova men’s swim team, Murtha pulled out the letter he had written beforehand. After nervously clearing his throat, he read:
So this is tough for me and I apologize for taking so long to tell you guys this, but it took me forever to admit to myself and then it’s been really hard to work up the courage to say it.
I’m gay. I’ve tried to bury this part of myself for a long time but slowly grew to accept it over the past year and a half. I want you guys to know that this isn’t something that I chose. I was just born with it.
Anyway, I want you to know that I’m still the same person that I’ve been. I hope you guys don’t see me any differently because of this. I don’t think it should define me totally; it’s just one of many parts that make up who I am.
But if for whatever reason you don’t like me because of this, I guess I can’t blame you because for a long time I hated myself for being gay, too. I made myself believe that living with this shame was worth not losing any of my friendships. But I don’t want to be ashamed anymore. And I’ve kind of felt like I wouldn’t be able to 100% accept myself and move on until I could be truthful with my friends. That’s you guys. So if you’re down to stick around and still be my friend, I can’t even begin to say how grateful I would be.
If you have any questions or if you want to talk to me about it, feel free.
When he was finished, the room was absolutely silent.
“I was pretty terrified,” Murtha tells OutSports. “Forever I had played this in my head over and over again. That little pause after I finished speaking, all of the worst-possible scenarios played through my head. What if they didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore?”
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Much to his relief, none of those scenarios happened.
Moments later, one of his teammates broke the silence by clapping. Then another one joined in. And another. Soon, everyone was applauding, offering Murtha’s hugs and high fives and letting him know that his sexuality wouldn’t have any impact on how they felt towards him.
“Obviously, it turned out well in the end,” he says.
So well, in fact, that the whole team decided to hit Chipotle for a burrito-infused, post-coming out fiesta.
At Chipotle, his teammates again reassured Murtha that everything was cool and that they accepted him no matter what.
Murtha says that since coming out to his teammates, he’s also found the courage to come out to his parents, though he admits they are still struggling with it. He also had to quit the Boy Scouts, since the organization bans openly gay people from working with youth.
“It seems hypocritical not letting gay leaders into the Scouts,” he says. “The Scout Law lays it out pretty clearly. ‘A Scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent.’ The policy prohibiting gay people goes against a lot of those points.”
But he’s not letting that get the best of him. Murtha says he hopes that by sharing his story will help encourage others to do the same.
“I want to be able to help people going through the same thing that I did,” he says. “If sharing my story can help just one person, then it will be worth it.”
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rand503
Just reading that brings bqck a lot of memories, and a few tears. Good for him!
polarisfashion
His parents are still struggling with him coming out. I’m glad he has an awesome group of friends. One of my best friends is a young straight guy in his mid 20’s. I wish this guy well and I hope one of his friends fixes him up with a hot date!
GG
“I’m gay. I’ve tried to bury this part of myself for a long time . . .”
I’m not quite where this young man is at yet.
I still keep burying the gay part of myself into a deep dark hole.
About twice a week.
redcarpet30
Well we know for sure he didn’t bottom that night. What with the Chipotle.
JaredNorthcutt30
But look at those titties!
sesfm
How brave. A good-looking athlete, in a world that values good-looking athletes above anyone else, came out as gay, thus joining a community that also values good-looking athletes above anyone else. Life must be so tough for him.
When is someone going to give a shit about anyone besides hot athletes coming out? That’s all Queerty covers. Oh, and hot non-athletes coming out. And hot athletes who aren’t out. Imagine people who face actual hardships greater than just “I thought it would be hard but it wasn’t!” There are people who were treated horribly by the rest of the world for rejecting gender norms. Not this guy. There are people who, by becoming out “LGBT” individuals, joined a community far more hostile and hateful than any they could have imagined previously. Not this guy.
What a horrible fucking community I’ve found myself a part of. Just fucking horrible.
blackberry finn
@sesfm: May I offer you some comfort by sending you a news article about a really good-looking guy whose face was marred in an accident? You might enjoy it.
Clark35
@redcarpet30: Hahaha exactly.
JaredNorthcutt30
@sesfm Well, at least I feel less alone. That’s the modern gay for you. “We are very inclusive.” Uh huh. When are you getting around to addressing the classism, racism, lookism, ableism and all the other isms. But we can pretend, can’t we? Now back to looking at those tits! Do not address the wizard behind the curtain.
jockjack5
Bravo!
And what a hottie!
Finally a cute slim white guy, an athlete in a major college sport, comes out.
Nothing against the big-n-tall burly linebackers or power-forwards, but I could NEVER identify with those huge guys.
This guy, a cute twink-like swimmer… yea. Wish we had a better photo of him in those speedos!!
Speaking of speedos, I’m sure that “it’s been really hard to work up the courage to say it” was not the ONLY thing “hard” in that locker room for him.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
In High School my best friend Jeremy and I were on the wrestling team. Both very closeted. A bitter ex of his outed Jeremy in a very public way. Most of our teammates didn’t have a problem (it didn’t hurt we were both county champs :p) except a few loud mouth jerks who demanded a team meeting in an attempt to force a vote to ban us from the team. The coach reluctantly agreed.
As the meeting began the Coach asked just what their concerns were and why we should be force to quit the team. The biggest mouth jerk of the three began by stating how “uncomfortable” they were that they were sure we would be “checking them out in the showers” To the most loudest outburst of supportive laughter we could have ever hoped for Jeremy replied “You guys have absolutly nothing to worry about, we only check out the hot guys” Meeting pretty much ended there with every single other member of the team voting fully support us…….
NoCagada
@sesfm: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! YOU NEED A WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMBULANCE! CALL 911!!!
It’s called the human species, little one. You think str8’s are so loving to each other?
GROW UP! GET A LIFE! If you’re in your teens, twenties or even thirties life hasn’t even BEGUN to F U C K you yet!
sesfm
@NoCagada: Guess I haven’t reached the level of maturity that you display, lol. But in all seriousness, to paraphrase, the whole “life is shitty” argument isn’t a counterpoint to the argument that life shouldn’t be shitty.
Actually, nevermind. After rereading your crazy comment, caps and all, there’s no way you’ll be able to wrap your head around what I just said.
jockjack5
tee hee
jockjack5
@PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS:
I wrestled for over 6 years (middle & high school) at one of the premier prep wrestling schools in western Pennsylvania (Trinity) back in the 1970’s. It was a long time ago and I was deeply in the closet at the time.
Sports commentators sometimes use the term “contact sport” in referring to football. Basketball also involves some “contact”, and baseball hardly any at all. Swimming would have non-existent contact between participants.
Now wrestling is the ultimate contact sport.
Setting aside the locker-room-shower issue, wrestling is essentially two guys rubbing against each other during the entire event (match), and, as such, poses a unique set of problems for the true homophobe. I’m surprised that none of the “loud mouth jerks” on your team didn’t raise THIS issue.
I’m very happy that your coach had enough self awareness to have kept the decision at the team level, and to have not involved the school administrators.
Few sports are more grueling than wrestling, and the unique combination of strength, agility, and stamina are not for the faint of heart. It’s nothing like the “rassling” that you see on TV, which is all fake of course.
This concludes my comment on your particular situation.
On a side note however, I must admit that, while never getting aroused during an actual competitive match in front of a crowd, I myself, and other boys, did occasionally get a hard dick during after-school practices while scrimmaging with other boys in the privacy of the practice room and away from the gaze of our coach(es). It didn’t happen often, but I had a crush on one of the younger, smaller boys on our team, and I think the feeling was mutual. I was rather smallish for my age and wrestled in the 127 weight class and Jamie wrestled at 112. If nobody was looking, he and I had a little extra fun during practice, especially on Saturdays when the gym was empty!