Oh NOZE! College is supposed to be the place where, forced to share a dorm room with others who share your genitalia, young people find it easy to “experiment” with the same sex. And maybe give your roommate a helping hand every now and then! But now Columbia University’s student government wants to join some two dozen other colleges nationwide and let underclassmen choose to live with people of the opposite sex! Supposedly it’s out of a crisis in available housing for students, but we suspect more nefarious intentions: Eliminating the god given right for all college students to see their same-sex dorm mates in a state of undress. Luckily, the proposal, which students hope takes effect by next fall, wouldn’t apply to freshman — you know, when sexuality is most malleable.
(Oh, this is about giving gay students the option to live with non-threatening females? And letting transgender students get away with not having to check a box on their gender? And letting those annoying straight couples shack up together? Fine. Sounds good to us!)