Conservapedia Knows The Gays

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Conservatives are just as frugal with their words as they are with their federal dollars. Some pedological ideologues over at Conservapedia – the “trustworthy” encyclopedia – have penned a fairly concise and oh-so-balanced definition of homosexuality:

Homosexuality is an immoral sexual lifestyle between members of the same sex. It is more than simply a sexual act, it is going beyond the boundaries that God has setup for marriage; one man and one woman.

They’re so afraid of sodomy, they can’t even use a colon, except when it comes to allegedly anti-gay biblical references, which they list directly after their definition.

The scribes go on to tackle a number of subjects, including “cultural effects of an immoral lifestyle”, which includes diseases like HIV and intestinal parasites, “homosexuality and creationism” and “homosexual public indecency tolerated in San Francisco”. Better watch out San Fran, you’re looking like the next Sodom. Or Gomorrah, whichever you prefer…

And of course no homo-related study would be complete with a thorough examination of homophobia:

Opposition to homosexuality has been branded as irrational and hateful with the use of terms like “homophobia”. However, this term itself can also be a form of intimidation against opposition. Rather than attack their arguments they use a personal attack, labeling the opposer simply afraid.

Now, now, Conservapedia, that’s not true. We have plenty of other labels for you: ignorant, backward, degenerate, blasphemous and dumb fucks.

In case you at Conservapedia are confused as to what we mean by “dumb fuck” (we noticed you don’t have the term your system), we’ll employ an urban dictionary definition, “a person is so incredibly stupid that it is not even funny any more”. This description, of course, should not be confused with the next entry, although they’re not mutually exclusive: “the current occupant of the White House”. We’re sure you kids over at Conservapedia know all about him, right?