Shocking news: Among the Alabama police force are some seriously bad apples. OK, not so shocking.
But Madison County Deputy Jeff Graves is a special kind of horror show, the kind who uses the tragic death of a bullied, queer 15-year-old boy to crack a homophobic joke.
Unnecessary doesn’t even begin to describe Graves’ decision to comment on the WZDX Facebook page linked to a story that featured student Nigel Shelby, who died by suicide, reportedly after being bullied for being gay.
The witticism Graves deemed appropriate to share?
How about we take this to the next level?
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That’s my kind of LGBTQ movement
Oscar Wilde he is not.
And it didn’t even stop there. Here’s how it looked on Facebook:
“I’m seriously offended there is such a thing such as the movement,” Graves continued. “Society cannot and should not accept this behavior. I have a right to be offended and will always be offended by this fake movement which requires no special attention but by persons with an altered ego and fake agenda.”
Graves is indeed correct that he holds the right to be offended, but so too does the Madison County Sherriff’s Office have the right to hold its officers to a standard somewhere above human trash heap.
And while this is in no way an endorsement of that particular police force — who knows what other injustices are hiding underneath its weight — in this case, for either the proper reason of human decency or for a more calculated PR move, the right thing was done.
“The Sheriff’s Office holds all its employees to high standard, and the public can be assured that a thorough and complete audit will be conducted and appropriate action will be taken,” said Madison County Lt. Donny Shaw, a sheriff’s office spokesman, in a statement. “The involved employee has been placed on administrative leave pending the outcome of the audit.”
In the same statement, sheriff Kevin Turner offered “his condolences to the family and friends of Nigel Shelby whose young life was lost to suicide last week.”
“Bullying of any group or person in or outside of schools is unacceptable, and I welcome any and all efforts to raise awareness to bullying and bring bullying to a stop,” Turner added.
Here are warning signs to watch for if you fear someone is suicidal and resources that can help those thinking of harming themselves or who fear a loved one might harm themselves, via AL.com.
WARNING SIGNS
- Threatening to hurt or kill oneself or talking about wanting to hurt or kill oneself.
- Looking for ways to kill oneself by seeking access to firearms, available pills, or other means.
- Talking or writing about death, dying, ”ending the pain” or suicide.
- Feeling hopeless.
- Acting reckless or engaging in risky activities – seemingly without thinking.
- Feeling trapped – like there’s no way out.
- Increasing alcohol or drug use.
- Withdrawing from friends, family, social support and society.
- Feeling anxious, agitated, or unable to sleep or sleeping all the time.
- Experiencing significant mood changes.
- Seeing no reason for living or having no sense of purpose in life.
- Feeling rage or uncontrolled anger or seeking revenge.
HOW TO HELP
- Ask the person directly if he or she is having suicidal thoughts, has a plan to do so, and has access to lethal means.
- If you think the person might harm him- or herself, do not leave the person alone.
- Take seriously all suicide threats and all past suicide attempts, even if he or she minimizes your concerns.
- Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.
- Be willing to listen and be non-judgmental. Don’t debate whether suicide is right or wrong, or whether feelings are good or bad. Don’t lecture on the value of life or whether suicide is viewed by some as a sinful, selfish or angry act. Respect that suicidal feelings are most likely related to ending emotional or psychological pain.
- Get involved. Become available. Show interest and support. Take into account other trusted friends, family members or allies who can be a part of a supportive team.
- Don’t dare him or her to do it.
- Don’t act shocked. This may translate as criticism or judgment and weaken trust between you.
- Don’t be sworn to secrecy. Acknowledge that all suicidal risk is to be taken seriously and firmly and gently explain that you are seeking support.
- Offer hope that alternatives are available but do not offer glib reassurance.
- Take action. Remove means, such as guns or stockpiled pills.
- Get help from persons or agencies specializing in crisis intervention and suicide prevention.
Source: The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Brian
Calling this a joke seems like a stretch. It’s a pretty standard sounding dumb comment by a ‘Murica guy.
lovethyneighbor
Jeff Graves is a coldhearted and narcissistic ass. Do you realize that this 15-year-old child killed himself? His parents are mourning, and your hate-filled ass is writing derogatory comments. Where is your human compassion for the death of this young person?
The tides will turn, and the things you ebbed out into the vast sea of a complex world will eventually return to you. One day, you may face this dilemma with a child of your own or a close relative, who decided to kill him/herself because of bigots like yourself. I can only hope your hatred does not spread and make people callous toward the deaths of our young people, who kill themselves. Suicide is no laughing matter or one to create a sick joke. Because God knows ALL each of us endures in life, perhaps he has taken this young gay youth into his bosom to protect from the judgmental, narcissistic, and hypocritic individuals such as yourself. I know I’ll be praying you will see the errors of your ways!
draven
This so sad. This actually broke my heart. This little guy was hurting deep inside and no one caught it. Folks be nice to people each and everyday. My condolences to his mom and dad and family and friends. Nigel Rest In Sweet beautiful peace and play in heaven for all eternity. I’m sorry you didn’t get a chance here on earth but your pain is gone now……..gone to soon but touched the world and will never be forgotten. Parents hug your gay children all children please…….
domen8r
I just can’t except this
draven
That cop is a loser. Especially because of the sad circumstances and also it was a 15 year old child.
Black Pegasus
Disgusting detestable bastard! He’s been placed on “administrative leave” but he should be terminated!
enlightenone
A “man’s” uniform can, and in this case, deceive! May this child’s soul rest in peace. For anyone, especially the young, no matter how dark it seems, where there is darkest there is light, reach for it and hold on. Light draws light!
Kangol
I mourn Nigel Shelby and every other LGBTQ child and teenager who is being bullied and pushed over the brink by homophobes. We have to show to and support and affirm our LGBTQ youth, because so often still they do not get this unconditional support and affirmation at home, at school, or anywhere.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
I for one won’t be mourning when Graves is put in a grave and is sent directly to the darkest corner in the bowels of Hell to burn in agony for all eternity
whateverokok
There’s that lovely tolerance and acceptance that gay people expect to receive from others. I think what graves did was in poor taste obviously and shouldn’t have been done. However, I will defend his right to do so per the constitution. I may not like what he’s doing or saying, but I don’t have to. That’s the thing about the constitution and the bill of rights. Nowhere does it say I have to like it. I can express my distaste and still defend his right to speak his mind.
I only hope he does not lose his job over this. The reason being that equality and equal rights works both ways. If gay people believe that no one should be fired for being and or expressing being gay then no one should be fired for being homophobic or expressing it. Within reason of course. Should graves be reprimanded? Of course. Fired? No. Burn in the darkest corners of hell? Absolutely not. I tolerate because I want to be treated the same.
Kangol
Kangol
@whateverokok, you seem not to grasp what the First Amendment says and permits. It forbids the government from abridging or preventing public speech. It does not stop a private company from sanctioning an employee for speech or actions that that company, the general public, the laws of this country, etc., consider harmful to others, especially children. He has every right to proclaim hate speech (that is not inciting violence) on a street corner, and then must deal with the consequences, but he does not have the right to go on a private platform (Facebook, Twitter, etc. are private companies, remember?) and mock a child who committed suicide, and then expect that whatever private entity employs him will not fire him. It’s up to them, and they may feel his continued presence compromises and harms their business mission and success.
Second, you make a serious logical and material error in conflating sexual orientation and speech. They are not the same in any kind of way. Two people might have a gay sexual orientation but that is innate and does not correlate with either person’s public speech, ideas or ideology. You are basically saying inborn traits, like being gay, or Black, or tall, etc., are equal to expressing hateful speech against a child who was bullied to the point of suicide. I hope you think about this, because really, making that equation is repugnant. Whatever our sexual orientation, race, etc., we have have intrinsic and equal value as humans, but that is different from espousing ideas that are cruel, heartless and harmful to others.
Vortece
@whateverokok – I think we’re all in favor of freedom of speech and individual ideals, even when they’re offensive to us, but I want you to consider who this man is and what he said. Madison County cannot keep a police officer on their staff who states on a public forum that he is offended by the existence of GLBT citizens precisely because those GLBT citizens might find themselves in need of protection by said officer when they’re bullied or beaten by people who think like him. Officer Graves might be big enough to do his duty and protect GLBT people like Nigel if he was ever called upon to do so, but if Nigel, or someone like him, knew about Officer Graves feelings after reading his post online, he might believe calling the police was worthless, or even dangerous, when he needed to be saved from anti-gay attackers. If those were the words of one of their officers, then the Madison County Police Department cannot keep that officer on their staff. And don’t confuse this with a freedom of speech or equality issues! If a gay public servant created a post on a public forum claiming offense to the very existence of Christians, or straight people, he’d be fired, too. You don’t see quite as much of that, though.
DCguy
And he’s the guy who shows up if an LGBT person is attacked by a bigot. What do you think he’d do in that situation?
youcant_handlethetruth
I find it interesting that Queerty didn’t run an article on the death of this teenager sans the police officer.
whateverokok
Kangol,
Yes, that may be. However, the cop works for the city. Which is a government. So, no they could not fire him.
rarediel
They actually can fire him.
Dwik27
And the cop can’t even spell “accept” correctly.