Dad disowned me for being gay. Now I’ve found his Grindr profile. Help!

A shocked man looks at his cellphone
Posed by model (Photo: Shutterstock)

A caller to a hit radio show in Australia has an unusual dilemma. The man, identified only as ‘Jacob’, called the popular Kyle and Jackie O Show and explained the situation.

Jacob, who is gay, said he was scrolling Grindr one day when he came across a headless torso shot. The torso seemed a little familiar, but what set off an alarm in Jacob’s head was the background.

“They have one of those ensuites that are through the walk-in closet. I thought that looks sort of like my parents’ house,” he said.

“I clicked through the profile to see if it could be my dad,” he said.

He said his mom and dad had been together 27 years. He’d never had any reason to suspect his dad was anything but heterosexual or unhappy.

“I have never seen any signs of a rift between them,” he said.

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Jacob, who also has a headless profile pic, decided to message the profile to find out if it really was his dad.

“I wasn’t flirting with him, I just engaged in normal conversation, told him I liked his picture and asked where he is from,” he said.

“Then I asked for a picture of his face – when he sent it through it was my dad.”

Jacob was torn over what to do: confront his dad or tell his mom?

“I am very open and forward-thinking, I don’t care if he is gay I just don’t want him lying to my mum,” he said.

To complicate matters further, Jacob says his dad reacted particularly badly when his son came out as gay.

“He was super against it when I was coming out – he hated me – he was super angry and didn’t want anything to do with me in his life,” he said.

“The older closeted men are often homophobic,” he added, saying it had taken them years to get back to good terms with one another.

Listerners urge ‘Jacob’ to speak to dad

Host Kyle wondered if it was better to let sleeping dogs lie, suggesting maybe Jacob’s mom might already be aware of the situation. However, listeners messaged with their own advice. Most thought that Jacob needed to talk to his dad. It also turned out the situation was far from unique.

“My partner had a similar thing happen,” said one. “His dad had six kids, was a construction manager and appeared happily married.”

“Your dad will be happier if he can be true to his real identity. And your mum deserves the chance to be happy too,” he said.

Another caller said he’d discovered his dad was gay in later life, too.

“I found gay magazines in the back of his car and followed him after work where I found out what he was doing in the evening,” he said.

“I spoke to my siblings about it and we realized he had been doing it our whole lives.

“My parents are still together. We had a sit-down chat about it, after all we all need to be able to feel proud about who we are.”

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Jacob remained undecided by the end of the segment. However, he told Kyle he had no plans to call his dad live on air about the matter.

You can watch some of the exchange below.