it gets better?

Dan Savage + Terry Miller’s Son Would’ve Been Their Bully

If anything, we joke, that we’re raising the kid who beat us up in grade school. If he didn’t have us for parents — he’s a little thuggy snowboarder-skateboarder dude — and I like to think that he’s blessed to have us as parents because you can see in him the capacity to be a bully. But he’s sensitized to the issue from being from a different kind of family.

—Dan Savage, who LOLs about what he and Terry Miller’s 13-year-old son D.J. would have become without gay dads [via]

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  • Enron

    What a hot couple!

  • Johnny

    They both are fugly

  • Erica

    I’m so over Dan Savage.It gets better is a load of shit especially in gay male culture.Gay men are so super fiscal and only care about what people look like.We on the other hand in brace all of our lesbian sisters,but my gay guy friends tell me how being around other gay men is like being bullied in high school.

  • Jeffree

    Erica: Thanks for show ing your pro found know ledge of gay men. I “in brace” the depth of thin king that you have plus your child dish use of stereo types. Yes, many of us are “super fiscal” because we care about the eco nomy and other import tent top icks.

  • JusticeontheRocks

    @Erica: Thanks for writing that!! It’s not every day we get comments from a person with doctorates in both English and Sociology. We are honored by your wisdom.

  • Erica

    All of you know what I wrote is true.We can lie to other people but shouldn’t lie to ourselves.

  • TheRealAdam

    @Erica: Yes, Erica, you’re right. All of us gay men know in our heart of hearts you’re correct. It’s just un-PC to admit what is obvious.

  • JusticeontheRocks

    @Erica: What you wrote isn’t even coherent, let alone true.

  • Franky

    @Erica: Superficial.

    @Justice, Jeffree: You know it’s true. The gay community is extremely superficial. Hell I realised it at 17 when I first moved back to the city so I’m pretty sure you both have noticed it too. 4 years later and I’m noticing that even the guys away from the gay ghettos can be just as superficial. It’s slightly better but still quite present.

  • JusticeontheRocks

    @TheRealAdam: It’s not a stupid point. But I know a lot of dykes who certainly do not “in brace” all their lesbian sisters. And I know a lot of gay guys who are far from bullies. Overly broad generalizations can ruin an otherwise valid argument. When the argument comes from someone who seems to be challenged in using the English language, so much the worse.

  • Franky

    Add-on to my comment: I’m only talking about gay men. Can’t speak for lesbians at all. The lesbians I’ve talked to are few and far between. It’s like they disappear after they hit a certain age in this city or something…

  • Shannon1981

    Erica, IDK what planet you come from, but I know lesbians who are superficial,too. That is, I believe gay people in general, not just the guys. I also know lesbians who cruise(until a few years ago I was one of them) and the other things people pin on gay men. It’s just that since straight dudes find lesbian sex hot(and because they think they’ll be let in on the action) that kind of behavior is sometimes ignored more than it is with gay men. But, at the end of the day, you cannot generalize like that. And take an English class before you comment again, why don’t you?

  • Jeffree

    Is the topic here really superficiality or is it on gay parenting or bullying? I may disagree with Dan on a bunch of subjects, but he’s been writing his column for a long, long time and has been willing to address things that Dear Abby wouldn’t touch.

    @Erica: Trans lay shun: This is not a bout weather Dan is super fiscal. Its a bout bee ing a pair ent and bull ee ing. Less beings can be super fiscal two, jest like strait peep hôle sum times are all sew not all ways so deap eye there.

  • MTiffany

    @Erica: Yes, yes, and all lesbians are cheap. And man-haters. And they like cats. And they’re all handy with tools. And they all wear flannel. And work boots. And all lesbian couples move in with each other on the second date. And they all have bad haircuts.

    @Franky: ‘The gay community is extremely superficial.’ If that’s how you feel about YOUR friends, get better friends.

  • dvd

    @Johnny: Nice way to ignore the issue and bully people for their looks. Why don’t you post your own pic for us to comment on.

  • sam

    Any comment saying “gays are superficial” is hilarious when people fail to address the RAGING superficiality in heterosexuals

  • Brian Miller

    Oh, c’mon, *Americans* are superficial and fickle. Just look at the sixty-something men wanting hot twenty-something girlfriends, and at the women in their forties and fifties who pay quacks thousands of dollars to burn layers off of their faces with acid and slice flaps of skin off and stitch up the gaping wound to stretch out the wrinkles.

  • TheRealAdam

    @sam: The difference is that heterosexuals have many diverse “cultures” to choose from. Gays really don’t. There is really only one kind of mainstream gay culture, and if you don’t fit that mold, then you’re an outcast.

  • Brian Miller

    @TheRealAdam: heterosexuals have many diverse “cultures” to choose from. Gays really don’t. There is really only one kind of mainstream gay culture

    Let me guess: you live in the Castro or Chelsea.

  • Brian Miller

    Oops, sorry, I forgot to add WeHo in there… my bad!

  • Armand

    There’s nothing I frown more (I don’t frown a lot, it causes wrinkles) than a gay couple using children as trophies to declare to the rest of the gay community they are above them and somewhat equal to heterosexuals.

    Dan Savage says, “I like to think that he’s blessed to have us as parents because you can see in him the capacity to be a bully. But he’s sensitized to the issue from being from a different kind of family.”

    Puh leaze. You guys are the ones blessed to have a son such as D.J.

  • TheRealAdam

    @Brian Miller: Curse you.

  • Armand

    @Erica: says, “my gay guy friends tell me how being around other gay men is like being bullied in high school.”

    Girl. Your gay friends speak the truth.

    That’s why I surround myself with Oprah-esque gay friends; the ones who re-inforce the goodness in me and value me not as a commodity but as a person with a unique soul (shaped as blueberry muffin and sprinkled with unicorn rainbow pixie dust).

    You also said, “It gets better is a load of shit especially in gay male culture.”

    Yes, it is a pile of sh!t. I sometimes wish they had Oprah saying it instead. At least I can smile while looking underneath my sofa wondering if there’s a gift of new sparkly undies scented with the Swiss alps and the flowers of India.

  • TheRealAdam

    @Armand: I’ll tell you this now: You’re one of my new favorite posters.

  • Armand

    @TheRealAdam: Thanks sistah from another mother.

    I-like-you-too! (in a non-sexual way. Think: agape *Greek love*)

  • greenmanTN

    Yeah, there’s an element of bragging going on here, not that different from what straight parents do in that, “Yeah, heh heh heh, he’s ALL boy!” sort of way. But they’re also acknowledging that with proper parenting their son, despite his interests or mode of dress, their son isn’t a bully. If you look at some of Dan Savage’s college talks on Youtube he says several times that when young their son used to insist that he was gonna be gay too like his dads, but just as with gay children who eventually have to acknowledge their inherent sexuality, it became apparent DJ was straight.

    But what’s this BS about there being only being ONE way to be gay? Even if you just stick to the stereotypical gay archetypes there are subgroups, and then there are people who don’t really engage with the visible gay community while still acknowledging their homosexuality. To claim otherwise is to buy into the whiny claims like those of so-called “ex-gays” who claim that being gay was so AWFUL because it was all drugs and fucking indiscriminately. No, that’s what THEY did by their own choice, not something imposed upon them by those shallow, evil gays.

  • T9r7u2t0h1


    The enormous, glaring problem in your posts is that your assumptions are superficial as well. They are also sexist and abusive.

    Most people have read the research on how girls bully, sweetie, and recognize your nasty game for what it is.

    “Some characteristics of a girl bully are jealousy, feelings of superiority, poor impulse control, and lack of empathy.”

    Please take your hatred of gay men off to a Fundie picnic, it should go down well with the limp jello mold salad with the canned fruit cocktail, the miracle whip potato salad, and the bitchy, pointless gossiping. Don’t forget to wear a Stepford wife flowered dress and floppy sunhat to go with your redneck prejudices.

  • Erica

    Thank you for the truth.

  • ryan

    Are people on here really trying to argue that straight men aren’t as superficial as gay men? Wow. That’s why women have been objectified since the dawn of time, and until very recently the onus has always been on them to make themselves appealing for the man, and never the other way around. That’s changing now, in part because of the growing acceptance of gays and in part because of women being allowed to express themselves sexually. Now men are being objectified, too. Soon we’ll all be equally. Don’t listen to illiterate homophobes like Erica, or trolls like Adam. His personality literally changes from post to post.

  • TheRealAdam

    @ryan: Bitch, please. You know nothing about my personality. Who says I have to be what you think I should be in each of my posts? You’re not the boss of me.

  • ryan

    I’m just pointing out that your posts contradict themselves. You’re an idiot and a troll, and deserve to be ignored.

  • ALEX

    @Erica: I love Dan and Terry (the books Dan wrote, “The Kid” about adopting DJ and “The Commitment” about their marriage are brilliant) but I agree with some of what you say. Gay men are bullies to other gay men. The older I get (and the less time I spend in the gym) I really see it. We really could do with a good long look at ourselves as long as we are looking at everyone else.

  • JusticeontheRocks

    @ryan: Whoa cowboy. He’s not a troll and certainly not an idiot. And, for better or worse, he’s pretty much the same all the time.

    If you don’t like someone’s ideas or opinions fine. But taking a strong dislike to someone you “know” only through a cyberspace reality is kinda crazy.

  • UpInTheGallery

    @Armand: Yes, it’s obnoxious to say your child is blessed to have you as a parent. They should be celebrating him, not calling him a thug, save for their influence (as many have noted, we all have the capacity for thugish behavior).

    Savage Love is entertaining, and I support the It Gets Better Project, but DS isn’t all peace and love.

    In Episode 341 of This American Life defends verbally abusing children à la the “rude little pig” rant Alec Baldwin directed at his daughter (45 minutes in for the start of Dan Savage’s piece, 49 minutes in for the part about Alec Baldwin):

  • DonLakeside

    The truth is that gay men are vicious to each other, especially to those of us who have lovehandles and gray hair. I was NEVER bullied by straight people. The only verbal abuse I have ever experienced has been from other gay men. Isn’t it interesting to see Dan Savage with his younger boyfriend….now there’s something you don’t see everyday in the gay world! What a joke! Hard to believe this guy has made a living at this, but I guess being a professional gay man pays off.

  • JT

    *yawn* more egomania and self absorbed drivel from that media whore Dan Savage.

  • DonLakeside

    Erica is absolutely correct. Gay men drove me back into the closet for the rest of my life, not the straights.

Comments are closed.