Dan Savage’s Model Husband Says Marriage “Didn’t Really Change Anything”

Screen shot 2013-04-18 at 3.54.31 PMIf you’ve managed to pick your jaw up off the floor after flipping through Terry Miller’s Mr. Turk swimwear photoshoot yesterday, be prepared to let it drop again. If you’re single, do not read any further.

In an interview with The Underwear Expert, this Grade-A DILF said his relationship with hubby Dan Savage is totally foolproof:

“[Our relationship is the] same as it was before. Nothing’s really changed. We’ve been together 18 years, so marriage didn’t really change anything except our tax status.”

And as in every great relationship, Dan is Terry’s biggest fan. “He didn’t come to the shoot, but he came for drinks after,” he told UX. “I’m assuming he likes the pictures—he posted a bunch of them on Twitter!”

Just Twitter? We would have opted to post them in every single picture frame in the home.

Check out Terry Miller’s photoshoot with Mr. Turk here.

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    Wow, 18 years. That’s a long time…longer than a lot of heterosexual couples nowadays. Their marriage is more like a marriage than many of the bigots’ marriages…ironic.

  • Mr. E. Jones

    And that irony is lost on those same bigots.

  • balehead

    I wonder how the charity is paying for this?

  • Katbox

    It’s not as if they’re monogamous.
    They’re basically just living together and fucking around.

  • Homophile


    Marriage isn’t about sex, it’s about love.

  • marc sfe

    @Katbox: @Katbox: And you know this to be true how? You watch their every move and follow them around to see who they’re sleeping with?

  • darkmoonman

    As one-half of the 2nd same-sex couple to exit Seattle City Hall on May 9, and whose photos have gone round the world, I too have found little change thus far in my life after being marriage to my partner of 20 years, so our lives were already as settled as possible. We’ve been out as a couple since 1995. We had our religious wedding in 1997. The only people connected with out lives who didn’t already know we were a couple where those who refused to admit it. Thus, we already had in effect (and still do have) the plethora of legal documents to guarantee that we each would have say-so over the other’s medical decisions & treatment, finances, property, and funeral should he die or become incapacitated. Without said documents, we weren’t recognized as a couple despite our years together and despite being registered domestic partners in Washington state since 2007 (no, separate but equal wasn’t, not even here in Seattle).

    I will mention that:
    1. I still get a rush when I identify us as spouses on legal documents – e.g. bank accounts, loans, auto insurance (for 19 years, our auto insurance deigned me the position of “other driver”, and then dropped my information at year-end), our 1040’s.
    2. The federal government now has public record that we are a same-sex couple through our IRS 1040’s.
    3. We’ve been cut from some local resources because, as a married couple, we make too much money. As registered domestic partners, we had no trouble qualifying for the same resources. (So much for the separate but equal fantasy of some straight people).

  • bledoutcolor

    I see where Katoix is coming from. It is kinda judgey the way its phrased, but really what is the point in marrying if you are still gonna sleep withe other people. You haven’t committed to anything. Like he said, just roommates who have sex. I just don’t think people in an OR can actually form a deep bond with their partner like monog couples can. For one too much jealousy, for two if you still need to sleep with someone else then they really aren’t enough for you and aren’t really that signifigant of an other are you. People should he able to do what they want tho. But it does further propagate the notion that gays are all sex driven animals willing to hump anything with a hole or shaft. Even though straight couples have open relationships too, they don’t have years of stigma and stereotypes so they aren’t under a microscope. Plus ORs have an inherently higher risk than monogamy for std spread. Just saying.

  • Homophile


    Sex is sometimes just sex, it’s not always some super duper magical thing that only happens with “The One”. Maybe that’s important to you, maybe that’s important to Katbox, but it doesn’t make it “Truth”.

    Anyway, what does it matter to you or Katbox or anyone else what goes on in Dan Savage’s marriage, or my marriage or your neighbors marriage? Who are you or Katbox or anyone to decide who is really married or what behaviors are required to constitute a “real” marriage?

    If you and your husband/wife/spouse wish to have an open marriage or a monogamous marriage, that’s between the two of you. I will keep my nose out of your business and I respectfully ask that you keep your nose out of mine.

  • brooklyn

    Terry and Dan were doing amazingly well as exceptional role models. I genuinely respect both of the. BUT…am I the only one who wonders why it seems to be a peculiar goal to be an underwear “model” at all, much less
    for an obscure (at least to me) company? Is there a point that no matter what you achieve in life, it all comes down to being photographed either naked or close to it? Yes,
    he looks good, but it all seems unnecessary. I’m honestly very disappointed by this.

  • Katbox

    @marc sfe:
    Dan Savage has addressed that multiple times.
    He’s state that he’s not perfect- he’s ‘cheated-‘ if you can even call such openness cheating.
    Dan is rich and keeps terry in pretty clothing.
    Simple as that. Very common in Los angeles.

  • unclemike

    @Katbox: Except that Dan and Terry live in Seattle.

  • danonce

    Together 18 years, yeah right! coz they allowed each other to fuck around. Dan Savage and Terry Miller must really enjoy their “monogamish” relationship. If u look at Miller’s twitter and instagram, u can see he flirted and played around with other guys all the time.

  • Homophile

    Total shocker the pro-sex sex columnist and his husband enjoy sex.

    So many puritans here. You sticking your noses in their bedroom is no different then the Christianists/GOP that want to regulate your sex lives and the lives of straight women.

  • MMDD

    Marriage is about both love AND sex.

    My husband and I have been together for almost 18 years too, and we have had sex only with each other the entire time. And for those who say that the flame dies down after being together for so long or that it gets boring just being with one other man, that has never applied to us; in fact, we actually have MORE sex now than when we first got together; and I still get excited every time he slips off his underwear. To quote Dan, “it gets better.”

    What I can’t understand is this: Dan gets to sleep with this incredibly hot man with a super-hot body, yet he STILL wants to sleep with other guys? I mean…really???? That’s the part I just can’t wrap my brain around.

  • danonce

    @Homophile: It’s not about judging their open or “monogamish” relationship. To each their own.
    But i don’t like the way Queerty and other websites introduced and praised them as a perfect couple having a great relationship. And using them as role models.
    To me if u re in an open relationship, u re slut. End of story.

  • Homophile


    “To me if u re in an open relationship, u re slut.”

    Key words: “To me” ie opinions are like assholes. How do you know whether their relationship is “great” or not?

    @MMDD How wonderful it must be for you, high upon that pedestal you’ve put yourself on. Everyone is not you. Your marriage isn’t any better or anymore of a marriage because you and your husband are monogamous. It’s what works for you, and that’s wonderful, but what you think of it, or what you believe it to be isn’t truth.

  • Katbox

    @danonce: Yup. And those 18 years were most likely on and off again.
    You know what they say…it’s all about the Benjamins.

  • Dresden

    I’ve been in a relationship which has not only always been open, but has lasted for close to twelve years now; and you couldn’t possibly find any couple more committed to each other than my boyfriend and I.

    Now, I’d be the first to tell you that an open relationship can be complete hell to navigate at times. It takes a whole hell of a lot of communication… enough so that each partner is able to feel that they can truly trust the other and that’s just not that easy to do. It takes a lot of work… there will sometimes be issue of jealousy and insecurity and they have to be dealt with in an honest and upright way. But for those of us who are willing to be honest with ourselves and each other and willing to do what needs to be done, the pay off can be wonderful.

    I’m not saying that it’s right for everyone; I’m not saying that it’s any better or any worse than a monogamous relationship. I’m saying that, just because it’s different than what society dictates as “normal” doesn’t mean that it’s automatically an illegitimate type of union. As far as I’m concerned, I’d rather see a couple successfully pull off an open relationship, than one maintaining the front of a monogamous relationship, while one or more of them are screwing around behind their partner’s back.

  • MMDD

    @Homophile: Please take your condescending sarcasm and shove it sideways up your ass. I have a feeling there will be plenty of room. Nowhere in my post have I put down anybody else’s relationship. My question is, and still remains, that if you have a hot, fulfilling sex life with a hot, desirable sex partner, and the two of you are also lucky enough to have a loving, committed relationship, then I don’t understand why you would want to have sex with someone else.

    If I put my relationship up on a pedestal in any way, it’s only to express my own appreciation for the fact that I found that “one” so many people yearn to have in their lives. My relationship is no more superior or inferior to anyone else’s. I am simply GRATEFUL for what I’ve been lucky enough to have.

  • the other Greg

    “We’ve been together 18 years, so marriage didn’t really change anything except our tax status.”

    So marriage isn’t about love OR sex, it’s about real estate and taxes?

    Plus, either feeling sanctimoniously superior to single and/or “monogamish” guys, or (like MMDD #20) admirably reminding oneself not to do so?

  • the other Greg

    @Dresden: I’m always puzzled when guys in relationships brag about how “it takes a lot of work,” it’s hard work, etc. You do realize that’s not much of a sales pitch for relationships, don’t you? :)

    I hear that phrase all the time; it’s very strange. I think more often it’s the guys in non-open relationships who say that, so it’s a little stranger to hear it from someone in an open one.

    I bet it’s intimidating to a lot of young guys coming out, who get the impression that gay male relationships are a constant struggle and an uphill climb. The relationship I’m in is pretty easy (or we wouldn’t be in it!), so I always wonder what the attraction is for so many guys to describe their relationships as a sort of psychological boot camp or marathon?

  • Dresden

    @the other Greg: I wasn’t bragging, because there’s simple nothing to brag about; nor was I trying to sell anyone on my relationship. What I wrote here was merely my (perhaps feeble) attempt to describe the pros and cons of being in a long term, open relationship from my own personal perspective. I’d rather be honest about it than try to sugar coat it, as if it were some sort of cakewalk.

    The fact that neither my boyfriend nor I had ever been in an open relationship before, meant that, in the beginning, we had to figure out what works for us and what doesn’t. Yes, that took work. And yes, it was sometimes hard. That being said, my relationship is well past the point of being difficult in any way, otherwise I would not still be party to it.

    The point I was trying to make is that open relationships can be just as loving, fulfilling and committed as their monogamous counterparts. As MMDD wrote, my relationship is no more superior or inferior to anyone else’s and I’m also very grateful for what I’ve got.

  • Homophile



    “What I can’t understand is this: Dan gets to sleep with this incredibly hot man with a super-hot body, yet he STILL wants to sleep with other guys? I mean…really???? That’s the part I just can’t wrap my brain around.”

    Nope, not a lick of judgement in that statement.

  • MMDD

    @Homophile: You clearly enjoy being a dickhead…and not the kind that’s fun to play with either.

  • steeldrago

    Heterosexual marriage has included sexual partners outside the relationship for over a millennia. Even if it was a passing nod type of thing. Regardless of how we as a society recognize the pairing of a couple it is ultimately up to that couple to decide what works for them. To allow a never existing Ozzie and Harriet fantasy to deny you a genuinely connected honest life is foolish and worthy of great ridicule. If the persons in that relationship cannot handle such a thing then they don’t belong in anything worthy of being a social institution like marriage- not because they don’t deserve that commitment but because they lack the ability to make such commitment. The specific behaviour of the couple and the persons in it are theirs alone to define. It is hubris for the rest of us to make any judgments.

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