Dancing With The Stars Premiere Recap: Chaz Is Hot to Trot, Carson Glitters And Kristin Cavallari’s “Not A Bitch”

The highly anticipated  13th season of Dancing with the Stars  premiered last night with co-host Tom Bergeron introducing a cast filled with “icons of sports, television, movies, music and headline-makers”—the last title paired with a not-so-subtle camera focus on Chaz Bono.

Yeah, ABC, we get it.

The presence of Bono, a New York Times-bestselling author and trans activist, caused bigoted  viewers to threaten a boycott. But for those of you who overlooked the airing for reasons other than being a transphobic twat, here’s what you missed:

*Bergeron pointed out how the ballroom was “crawling with Kardashians,” who turned out for brother Rob’s boring hetero antics with former mirror ball winner Cheryl Burke. Is Kardashian a venereal disease—and is there a cream for it?

* Hairspray: The Original alum Ricki Lake and DTWS closet case veteran Derek Hough set the floor fire—kind of like Ricki did to that Malibu home she was renting last year. Go Ricki!

*Kristin Cavallari’s first line, “I’m Kristin Cavallari and I’m nota bitch!”, made her seem like kind of a bitch. But the California blond actually kind of turned it out!

*Professional goofball David Arquette actually seemed earnest, incorporating dance into his newly found sobriety. Soon-to-maybe-be ex-wife Courteney Cox showed up in support. Hey, when does Cougar Town return, anyway?

*Elisabetta Canalis, the gorgeous Italian George Clooney cast-off, jumped out of a prop bed with Val Chmerkovskiy, brother of fellow DTWScompetitor Maksim Chmerkovskiy.

*And for the glitter, Queer Eye alum Carson Kressley channeled the gay ’70s with fiery Russian redhead Anna Trebunkaya. The chemistry was dead fish but the energy was totally funky chicken.

*Iraq War veteran-turned-actor J.R. Martinez earned a standing ovation for his moves with Karina Smirnoff. The dancer with a story, whose body was badly burned in a land mine accident, impressed all three judges.

*Nancy Grace showed that fierce prosecuting doesn’t always translate to fierce moves on the dance floor. But that didn’t stop her hunky Irish parter, Tristan MacManus, from tearing it up with a salsa number.

* The L.A. Laker formerly known as Rob Artest was “all sizzle, no sausage,” according to judge Len Goodman. Sporting a sparkly vest, the towering Metta World Peace was stiff in more places than the dance floor. Standing next to co-host Brooke Burke, he creepily admitting how good it felt to be next to her. Ew.

*The debut episode ended with its most controversial contestant: Chaz came out as a trans man right away—in contrast to Carson Kressley whose affinities were only alluded to. (Although, c’mon.) The 42-year-old Bono and partner Lacey Schwimmer looked like they were enjoying themselves and although he was a bit stiff, Bono definitely had rhythm despite having iced his knee that morning.




Dancing With The Stars airs Monday at 8pm on ABC, with a results shows on Tuesdays.

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  • Dave

    There is a video ad on this page that autoplays. I can only assume you’ll be adding some kickin’ MIDI background music and blinking animated GIFs, maybe even a couple marquee tags, ASAP.

  • Juhnuppi

    Just to let you know, the very first dark skinned member of the parliament in our country, and who happens to be opendly gay etc., is taking part of the local Dancing with the stars.
    ( I almost typoed “tarts” )

  • Stark

    I think you mean Ron Artest, unless it’s a pun of some sort.

  • Pedro

    Chaz is obese and needs serious weight loss, he can hardly move, and his hand kept resting on his large gut! It was disgusting to watch. He needs a complete life makeover, because obviously he doesn’t like himself very much to turn himself into such a disgusting blob! Obesity is a symptom of deep emotional problems, and I’m sorry but fat people disgust me! It’s one of my phobias or something…

  • Michael


    How ironic that your attitude is the same as a homophobes the only difference is they are disgusted by people who are gay and you are disgusted by people who are FAT.Unbelievable that some in this community STILL dont comprehend what tolerance means.Some people are big some people are little some are some are short some are tall thats how life is .Chaz also seems very happy and its sad that you cant be happy for him you’d rather focus on his weight when in all honesty ive seen people BIGGER then he is.Theres nothing wrong with him but your intolerance towards people who are big boned or as you called them FAT IS wrong.

  • jason

    The sad thing about Carson Kressley is that he has become the appeaser of straights, surrendering to paradigms that have contributed to our oppression. If he had balls, he would have danced with a man.

  • derp


    Shallow and sad. You don’t have a phobia, you just don’t really have much depth. Depth of thinking, of empathy, of consideration. You’re a waste of oxygen. To think that you spent time to write your little diatribe, all of that hate and hurt to people you don’t even know, which is exactly what people do to us queers all the time. If I were you, I’d be thinking a lot about how my life is going, why I’m so hateful, and maybe considering life from a few more different point of views. Meanwhile, you’re the perfect example of the fact that just because we’re gay and most CERTAINLY have hated for it at some point, doesn’t teach you compassion. You have to work for it. Good luck.

  • Juhnuppi

    No.7 – Derp

    For some reason my email provider decided ur post is spam…

  • Juhnuppi

    Funny how much hate there is..
    Someone says with not so nice words how overweight people doesn’t seem attractive, and Baam! that someone is hate monger.

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