DOUCHE OF THE WEEK

Daniel Avila’s “Satan Makes Babies Gay” Idea Is Too Crazy Even For Catholics

Each week, Queerty picks one blowhard, hypocrite, airhead, sanctimonious prick or other enemy of all that is queer to be the Douche of the Week. Have a nominee for DOTW? E-mail it to us at [email protected].

Massachusetts attorney Daniel Avila once served within the Subcommittee for the Promotion and Defense of Marriage within the Policy Advisor for Marriage and Family to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

He served, that is, until he wrote “Some Fundamental Questions on Same-Sex Attraction,” a column for the nation’s oldest Roman Catholic newspaper The Boston Pilot. In the column he said that Satan messes with pregnant women’s hormones and turns their unborn babies into homogays.

Yes, he actually made that argument. Funnily enough, it goes against Catholic Church teaching. When readers and the public became justifiably outraged, The Pilot retracted the piece and Avila and apologized. Now Avila has resigned from The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops.

His Satanic snafu started a slow-motion theological train wreck so entertaining that it’s worth replaying bit-by-bit—mostly because it reveals just how unintentionally progressive both Avila and the Boston Catholic Church really are!

In his piece, Avila—who has no apparent medical or scientific training—stated:

“…the scientific evidence of how same-sex attraction most likely may be created provides a credible basis for a spiritual explanation that indicts the Devil. Any time natural disasters occur, we… people of faith look back to Scripture’s account of… angels who rebelled and fell from grace. In their anger against God, these malcontents prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. They continue to do all they can to mar, distort and destroy God’s handiwork.

Therefore, whenever natural causes disturb otherwise typical biological development, leading to the personally unchosen beginnings of same-sex attraction, the ultimate responsibility, on a theological level, is and should be imputed to the evil one, not God.”

Avila actually says that LGBTs are born that way—a pretty progressive view for a Catholic leader. It’s just that Avila also thinks that Lucifer and his minions somehow alter the spiritual content of amniotic fluid in such a way as to produce “evil gay hormones” that turn the souls of unborn fetuses gay.

Magic! Satanism! Unborn children! Gay babies! This guy should go to Hollywood.

Wayne Besen of Truth Wins Out railed against Avila’s article:

“Avila’s bizarre theories are unscientific and defamatory… Telling Catholic mothers with LGBT children that Satan entered their womb and caused their child’s homosexuality is spiritual abuse of the highest order.”

Truth Wins Out’s Director of Communications and Development John Becker added:

“It is outrageous for an official advisor to the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops to make such an appalling statement at all, much less in the approved newspaper of the Archdiocese of Boston. The USCCB and the Boston Archdiocese must unequivocally condemn Avila’s bigoted remarks, or explain to LGBT Catholics and their parents why they refuse to do so.”

Immediately after the article ran, the liberal Catholic Paulist Center of Boston sent The Boston Pilot an open letter asking other Catholics to boycott the newspaper:

“The highly questionable theology of this writer… directly and intentionally causes pain for gay Catholics, their families, especially their mothers, their friends and their worship communities. The article has no scriptural basis, vague Catholic theological constructs, and no connection with the Gospel of Christ.

We have removed this issue of The Pilot from the Paulist Center and will not be offering the next issue with part II of this article. We do not want to support Mr. Avila inflicting unnecessary and undeserved pain on members of our congregation.”

Avila’s laughably pathetic apology reads like he just got spanked and forced to do it by The U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops themselves:

“Statements made in my column, ‘Some fundamental questions on same-sex attraction’ of October 28, do not represent the position of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops and the column was not authorized for publication as is required policy for staff of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops.

The teaching of Sacred Scripture and of the Catechism of the Catholic Church make it clear that all persons are created in the image and likeness of God and have inviolable dignity. Likewise, the Church proclaims the sanctity of marriage as the permanent, faithful, fruitful union of one man and one woman. The Church opposes, as I do too, all unjust discrimination and the violence against persons that unjust discrimination inspires. I deeply apologize for the hurt and confusion that this column has caused.”

It should come as no surprise that Avila is also a shill for the National Organization for Marriage who once wrote of gay protestors at a picnic, “This is what Hell must be like.”

Avila resigned from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops today without a word.

No words necessary, dude—well except for maybe three.

All together now: What a douche!