Actor Daniel Newman has been a vocal member of the LGBTQ community since coming out as bisexual in 2017. In a recent pride interview with Metro, the 39-year-old breaks down some of the most common misconceptions people still have about bisexual men.
“You don’t have to be one thing or the other,” he says. “You don’t have to be promiscuous, you don’t have to be polygamous. People define bisexuality in so many different ways. I personally define it as taste and preference.”
“You can completely have monogamous relationships. It doesn’t mean you’re straight if you’re with someone of the opposite sex, or that you’re gay if you’re with someone of the same sex. It means you made a choice to be in a monogamous relationship.”
Newman came out publicly three years ago on Twitter. Since then, he says tons of other bi guys, many of whom are still in the closet, have reached out to him.
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“I still get hundreds of tweets and social media messages from guys all over the world saying ‘I’m so happy we have the LGBTQ but I don’t see anybody I relate to, so I feel like we don’t exist’,” he says.
“I had this huge outpouring of support. But sadly, when I replied to these guys, 95% of the guys weren’t out. They said ‘well, nobody thinks I’m gay so there’s no point bringing it up’.”
Going even deeper, Newman talks about the different struggles traditionally “masculine” men and more “feminine” men within the LGBTQ community face:
Speaking about the people who had ‘no choice’ but to come out. They’re visible every day, they walk, talk, live and breathe their identity so proudly and so beautifully and have built this army of LGBTQ representation. The problem is, the silent, invisible majority of men. They don’t have to live out and proud because they’re bisexual and they don’t come across as gay.
“Feminine” men were demonized and brutalized throughout history, but they are the strength and they define gay culture, because they had to. And all the “masculine” men were the silent ones, because they could live in the closet and nobody would ever know they were gay or bisexual.
It’s a lifestyle convenience. If they choose to get married to a gay man or another man, at that point they’ll be out and proud. But for now, they can stay under the radar because they still date women. So they’ll keep quiet to not ruffle feathers, not have trouble at work, not have trouble with their families. It’s a convenient closet but it’s so deadly, it’s so depressing.
Even though he’s out publicly, Newman says the process never really ends and that he still finds himself coming out over and over again.
“Especially as a bi man, everybody just assumes you’re straight and anybody who doesn’t know me as a celebrity and meets me and is getting to know me, after a couple of months when I mention my sexuality, it’s like ‘oh, you like guys’? There’s still this process of having to come out. It doesn’t stop.”
Asked what advice he has for people, especially bisexual men, who are still struggling to come out, Newman says:
I would say just know for a fact that when you see all of these beautiful, incredible, wonderful LGBTQ people visibly and publicly, know that there are even more bisexual men that are exactly like you, that you are 100% perfect the way you are, and that if you want to see more people you identify with and relate to, be that person. Be out and be visible and know that you’re perfect the way you are. You don’t need to question your sexuality.
Related: Daniel Newman shares his personal cellphone number, promises he’ll respond to all of your sexts
Black Pegasus
“Struggles Bi men face?”
Maybe it’s because you’re actually GAY Daniel.
Donston
You don’t really have the right to dictate identity. If he sees himself as “bi” and very much “not gay” then that’s his business. I will say that Daniel is known for constantly chasing “straight” dudes, overall hetero-leaning dudes and men who are in relationships with females. So, his view of the “queer community” is skewed. And no matter his relationship ambitions or where he fits in the romantic, sexual, emotional investment, relationship ambition spectrum he’ll perhaps never be comfortable being too associated with “gays”. A lot of overall homo-leaning “bi guys” who chase after “straight” and hetero-romantic dudes are like that. They are more concerned with remaining attached to those types of dudes and keeping a political and sociological distance from “gays“.
inbama
Sexual orientation is a biological trait. You can “identify” as anything you like, but your actual attraction to males, females or both is verifiable through testing.
Donston
Inbama, you need to stop pushing that same old trope. Whether someone is inherently hetero, homo, bi are not choices but identity and lifestyle are indeed choices. People continue to identify as whatever they wish and live whatever life they wish, and that’s not gonna change. Furthermore, there is not any test to determine orientation. There’s been plenty of experiments and studies throughout the years. But the results tend to be inconsistent and contradictory. We can’t even answer basic questions like whether attraction is the same as arousal. It’s also difficult to test people’s technical orientation because of fluidity, paraphiliacs and fetishes, and whether someone is actually horny at that time or not. That doesn’t even take into account sexual enjoyment, sexual passions, sexual comfort, sexual preferences, affections, romantic leanings, emotional longing and investment, relationship contentment. There is no test that can determine the types and rates of that stuff. Identity and orientation will never be as technical as some want. And people will always embrace or choose not to embrace whatever they want for whatever reasons. That’s an agenda folks need to move on from.
Beachman
And I care because….
SFMike
What a dreamboat!
Prax07
Unfortunately I’ve known Many bi men throughout my adult life. Monogamy was never in their vocabulary. Neither was being out in any way as a bisexual. And they Always chose straight relationships with a lot of secret gay sex on the side as a way of life.
Donston
Hooking up with a bunch of random DL guys is not a reflection of everyone. You also need to keep in mind that many men, even many out and 100% homo in every way guys, aren’t interested in loving someone of their sex and committing to someone of their sex. While even today, homophobia, internalized homophobia, hetero pressures, confusions about who you are what you want, and the fragility of the male ego are all omnipresent and assist in guiding the decisions of many.
Daniel makes some needed points in this interview. However, he does fall prey to some annoying “bi cliches”. How many times are we gonna read variations of “just because of with someone of my sex doesn’t mean I’m ‘gay’, and just because I’m with my opposite sex doesn’t mean I’m ‘straight”? The bi agenda needs to be about bisexuality instead and educating people instead of being so much about “Don’t see me as ‘gay’ or ‘straight” or indirect whining about “gays” and trans people taking too of the spotlight. A lot of them don’t seem to realize this obsession with identity politics and sociology is part of the problem and contributes to divisions. People who are inherently bi, who contend with fluidity and/or who have contradictions when it comes to romantic, sexual, emotional, relationship spectrum do face some internal struggles and external that are particular us. But too much of “bi pride” focuses on identity politics and ego rather than diving into more nuances issues. That’s an issue with the “queer community” as a whole.
I do appreciate him defending more overtly “queer” and effeminate males and giving them the props they deserve.
zealot
Fun fact…Daniel is a Gemini.
Kenny C
Good job @zealot
Countervail
Who exactly is asking him about his opinion or want to know more about this? I didn’t know who he was before he came out. And the only reason I do now is because he posts shirtless pictures that the gay press squirts in their knickers about. Washed out of Yale, bounced around NYC as a musician, small role on a cable tv serial several seasons in but OMG HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF, LET’S GET HIS OPINION ON…STUFF.
doodymofongo
ew. everything about him smells of desperation. Again, I ask, who is he schtupping at Queerty that he gets ANY coverage AT ALL?
Dear Queerty. About this loser…….WE DON’T CARE.
enlightenone
Who is Daniel Newmann? Really!
doodymofongo
Donston’s boyfriend, obviously…
Donston
Daniel makes some necessary points. But he’s also one of those “bi guys” who talks in circles, never really seeming to talk about himself or confront issues in a direct way. He wants to educate people and combat hate, but he also wants to remain an enigma, and he’s too focused on identity politics. I think a lot of that comes from his preference towards closeted, “straight” and overall hetero-leaning dudes.
If you are inherently bi but you chase after homo dudes, gay-identifying dudes and guys who have unabashed homo preferences and relationship ambitions then you are more likely to be comfortable with “gay”. If you are inherently bi but chase after women and have hetero relationship ambitions there’s a pretty good chance you’ll never be fully comfortable with “bi” outside of when it’s convenient. If you’re inherently bi and you only chase after “straight” dudes, guys who in relationships with females and dudes who don’t have unabashed same-sex ambitions there’s a pretty good chance you’re never going to be comfortable with “gay”. Sociology and ego play a big role in how people present themselves. And that’s not going to change, and that’s something he doesn’t talk about here. Who you want and don’t want to be associated with plays just as big of a part of identity as things like homophobia, trans-phobia, sexuality, paraphilacs and fetishes, fluidity, mental health struggles, dynamics in gender, where you fit in the orientation spectrum. Daniel is known for being a sugar daddy to “straight” and hetero-leaning guys and guys who are in relationships with females. He keeps closeted “bi guys” in his DMs because those are the dudes he wants attention from the most and the dudes he’s always trying to convince to hook up with him and date him. Guys like Daniel tend to see themselves as very different from “gays” even if they have homo-leaning affections, sexual passions, comfort, romantic love, emotional investment and relationship ambitions or sometimes even if they’re homo in every way.
All of that is fine, but don’t feed people bs and act like you’re being open. That’s why everything he says sounds so cliche and needs to be taken with a grain of salt.
Jared MacBride
Too many words, as always.
Chrisk
It never ends. I get to one of Donstons posts and it’s scroll-scroll-scroll, repeat-repeat-repeat. Lol
Prax07
@Donston If it was just a handful I might agree. But since I turned 18 twenty years ago I’ve known much more than a handful. Friends, acquaintances, hookups, and boyfriend’s. There may be the elusive unicorn bi guy out there but in twenty years I’ve never come across one.
Donston
I’m not discounting your experiences. The majority of men with some bisexuality/fluidity in their orientation don’t have unabashed same-sex ambitions and will not indulge public and longterm same-sex relationships unless status/money/clout are involved. Sometimes it comes down to things like homophobia, internalized homophobia, toxic masculinity, religion, family pressure, self-misandry, a ton of fluidity and/or confusions. But a lot of times they just prefer getting persistent passions, affections, affirmation, love, commitment from a woman. You also have to take into account the type of guys you’re attracting and you’re attracted to and going after.
Things are slowly changing. Daniel interested in any revolutionary change because like too many “queers” he’s more focused on pushing the repressed “bi guy” narrative and appeasing closeted and overall hetero-leaning guys. Those are the guys he wants to fit in with and those guys are his preference. But more people are expressing their struggles. More people are aware of things like fluidity and the affection, romantic, sexual, emotional, relationship spectrum. More men are being “out” than ever. Less people feel the need to adhere to identity politics. And there’s more famous guys than ever saying that they’re not homo but they see themselves as “gay”, or they’re in same-sex relationships, they’re at least willing to let people know that they have someone same-sex attractions and passions. There is still a ways to go for people to truly be honest, truly be with who they want to be with and not be so driven by sociology and ego. But you ultimately can’t make people do what you want them to do or present themselves the way you want.
skeldare
If it weren’t for Queerty this guy would fade into obscurity.
rocknstan
One’s sexual identity is NEVER a choice.
Sexual identity chooses you.
Donston
He said he sees himself as “bi” because he had an emotional connection with his ex-gf from years ago. If he wants to embrace “bi” and see himself as “bi” for that reason it’s his choice. Identity is indeed a choice. You can’t control what words people wish to or not embrace. Fluidity is real. The orientation spectrum is wide and diverse. And people have many different motivations for doing whatever they do. I would let him live if there wasn’t some hypocrisy in his words. He presents identity as a choice and yet he’s talking about closeted “bi guys” and how he wishes they’d be out and identify as “bi”. It doesn’t add up. While despite being out and seeming to have overall homo preferences and ambitions he stays obsessed with attaching himself to closeted dudes, overall hetero-leaning dudes and dudes in relationships with women. Those couple of things make him look suspect and makes it difficult to find him appealing.
rocknstan
Dude has honed this fine body to attract all the ladies out there, right?
G R
He’s cute but the raised-shirt selfie is TIRED and boring. Points deducted.
Bromancer7
Please, anyone that listens to him talk knows immediately he’s gay.
Donston
That’s another thing I’m not getting. He’s bigging up his masculinity. And yet, he’s very obviously “queer”. He wants so bad to attach himself to conventionally masculine, “straight-passing”, overall hetero-leaning dudes. During this interview he’s talking mostly about experiences of other guys and not his own. It really looks bad because he’s already been exposed as someone who chases after “straight” and closeted guys and guys in relationships with females.
This interview is more about appeasing his type of guy than anything about his own dimensions and struggles.
Yooper
So be bi and be done with it. Jesus, it’s not a calculus exam.
Neoprene
Daniel. Stop whining. You provide no insight into anything. Just take your selfies and be cute. That’s all you have to offer.