dark realities

Daniel Newman speaks more openly than ever about his sexuality and the unique struggles bi men face

Actor Daniel Newman has been a vocal member of the LGBTQ community since coming out as bisexual in 2017. In a recent pride interview with Metro, the 39-year-old breaks down some of the most common misconceptions people still have about bisexual men.

“You don’t have to be one thing or the other,” he says. “You don’t have to be promiscuous, you don’t have to be polygamous. People define bisexuality in so many different ways. I personally define it as taste and preference.”

“You can completely have monogamous relationships. It doesn’t mean you’re straight if you’re with someone of the opposite sex, or that you’re gay if you’re with someone of the same sex. It means you made a choice to be in a monogamous relationship.”

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Newman came out publicly three years ago on Twitter. Since then, he says tons of other bi guys, many of whom are still in the closet, have reached out to him.

“I still get hundreds of tweets and social media messages from guys all over the world saying ‘I’m so happy we have the LGBTQ but I don’t see anybody I relate to, so I feel like we don’t exist’,” he says.

“I had this huge outpouring of support. But sadly, when I replied to these guys, 95% of the guys weren’t out. They said ‘well, nobody thinks I’m gay so there’s no point bringing it up’.”

Going even deeper, Newman talks about the different struggles traditionally “masculine” men and more “feminine” men within the LGBTQ community face:

Speaking about the people who had ‘no choice’ but to come out. They’re visible every day, they walk, talk, live and breathe their identity so proudly and so beautifully and have built this army of LGBTQ representation. The problem is, the silent, invisible majority of men. They don’t have to live out and proud because they’re bisexual and they don’t come across as gay.

“Feminine” men were demonized and brutalized throughout history, but they are the strength and they define gay culture, because they had to. And all the “masculine” men were the silent ones, because they could live in the closet and nobody would ever know they were gay or bisexual.

It’s a lifestyle convenience. If they choose to get married to a gay man or another man, at that point they’ll be out and proud. But for now, they can stay under the radar because they still date women. So they’ll keep quiet to not ruffle feathers, not have trouble at work, not have trouble with their families. It’s a convenient closet but it’s so deadly, it’s so depressing.

Even though he’s out publicly, Newman says the process never really ends and that he still finds himself coming out over and over again.

“Especially as a bi man, everybody just assumes you’re straight and anybody who doesn’t know me as a celebrity and meets me and is getting to know me, after a couple of months when I mention my sexuality, it’s like ‘oh, you like guys’? There’s still this process of having to come out. It doesn’t stop.”

Asked what advice he has for people, especially bisexual men, who are still struggling to come out, Newman says:

I would say just know for a fact that when you see all of these beautiful, incredible, wonderful LGBTQ people visibly and publicly, know that there are even more bisexual men that are exactly like you, that you are 100% perfect the way you are, and that if you want to see more people you identify with and relate to, be that person. Be out and be visible and know that you’re perfect the way you are. You don’t need to question your sexuality.

Related: Daniel Newman shares his personal cellphone number, promises he’ll respond to all of your sexts