David Archuleta talks of struggle to replace feelings of shame with pride

 

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Former American Idol contestant David Archuleta has posted a lengthy message to his Instagram followers, a year after he publicly came out.

Prompted by Pride Month, Archuleta, 31, has a simple message for everyone: “Dare to be you.”

Last June, the Mormon-raised singer, who came second on the seventh season of the show in 2008, publicly came out via an Instagram post. He said then he was uncertain of his sexuality and thought he might be bisexual.

He has since talked about the challenges he faced accepting his sexuality, due largely to his faith and the messages he received from those around him.

In his latest post, he talks at length about his attempts to be straight, including considering marriage with three different women.

“A year ago I was pulling weeds and felt in my heart I needed to open up about something that before I always considered unthinkable. Unimaginable. Always considered my greatest fear,” he began.

“But that day I felt peace with myself. I wasn’t afraid anymore of who all of me meant. Even if that meant I liked guys.

“I didn’t plan to come out during pride month. It was just the natural flow of events the days prior coming to terms with myself and deciding to say it out loud after ending an engagement I had to a great and understanding girl just a couple weeks before.

“I didn’t want to hide anymore. It was causing a lot of turmoil inside. Running from yourself when you’re always stuck with yourself. Isn’t the way to solve things.

“I thought marrying would solve it. She was one of three that I came close to marrying. Each time inside I knew something was wrong and I wasn’t being fully honest with myself or to the girls I was dating.

“They always thought it was them. I hope they know it was just me not understanding why I was the way I was. Why I couldn’t connect with them or like them more. Why I couldn’t have feelings you should when you’re in love with someone when it comes to that chemistry of physical attraction sufficient enough.

“I didn’t want to pretend just to have everyone think I looked like I had a picture-perfect life with a beautiful girl.”

Related: David Archuleta says he used to pray to be straight and is still saving himself for marriage

Archuleta continued, “A couple months before I ended the engagement one of my friends told me her story how she married someone who was part of the lgbt+ community. He tried to hide it too until he couldn’t anymore and she found out over a decade into their marriage. The anger and hatred he felt. The way he acted out on that. I felt sorry for her. But related to her ex-husband so much.

“I felt that same anger and hatred and resentment building and growing inside of me already. I didn’t want to be that. I knew the way to find peace was to let all of me come forward and not judge or despise myself. It’s made all of the difference.

“It was scary. Terrifying. You consider ending your life as a better option than coming to terms with being gay or lgbtqia+. I just want to let any of you going through that struggle know that it’s beautiful to be lgbt+ even if others don’t understand.

“Dare to be you. If those around you still don’t understand you will draw people to you who will love you for all of you! Not only for the parts they want to see and not just under conditions of you hiding your queerness because they don’t understand what that experience is like.

“If you’re queer, being queer is beautiful. Let yourself blossom.

“I was pulling weeds again when I wrote this lol. So decided to sit in the same spot I did last year. Even if it’s a day early.”

Archuleta included a photo of himself from a year ago and from this past weekend.

“They call it pride month,” he continued. “I’m learning what that means for me. To have pride in who all I am is. Including being gay or bi or queer. Idk what word to use I think queer is a good broad term lol. But I’m not too worried about picking either. I’m letting myself figure myself out with time.

“I spent 30 years trying to disregard it. I imagine it’ll take time to fully understand myself. I never thought it was something to be proud of but rather ashamed and why I tried so hard to change. I see why they encourage pride when we’ve always associated queerness with shame.

“But it really is something that is beautiful. So I hope you strip that shame and hate you may feel for yourself and replace it with love. Happy pride 🏳️‍🌈”

Related: Dave Bautista’s Pride Month message: “F**k you if you don’t like it”

The posting has prompted hundreds of comments. Many agreed that gay people marrying people of the opposite sex never works out well.

“I got married, had a child and still could not come to terms with my feelings,” said one. “I had to divorce when my daughter was 1. I could not continue to live with that ‘secret’ and have my daughter grow up with me having this ‘secret’. But I never left her without a Dad. I tried my best. Her Mom and I are now very good friends, my daughter loves me very much. My husband (30 years together) and I have been married for 6 years come July 1. It does work out once the ‘secret’ is released from you.”