This isn’t the first time Dear Abby has shown her sufficiency in handling social issues in her advice column, but the simple logic she used recently to a mother of a maybe-gay teen is worth sharing.
“Modern Mom In Maryland” wrote:
Dear Abby,
My 17-year-old son told me he has finally had his first kiss, and it was with another boy. I’m not sure what to think.
When he was in the eighth grade, he had a crush on a girl named “Lisa.” She rejected him because she had a girlfriend. Then he dated a girl, “Annie,” but it didn’t last because he said he felt only friendship for her. Then he became friends with this boy “Joey” in high school, who spent the night several times. He told me from the start this boy was gay (this is the boy he kissed). Now Joey has a girlfriend.
To say the least, I’m confused. I know that in this generation, everything is acceptable. I have no problem if my son is gay, and I will love him no matter what, but I honestly think he is just confused. (He says this, too.) Is there anything I can do to help him through this?
— Modern Mom In Maryland
Related Post: Dear Abby Comforts Lesbian Grannie With Jerk Son
Abby’s response is brief but succinct:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Yes. Tell your son you love him and all you want is for him to be happy. Then let him figure this out for himself. Trust me, he will. Things will be clearer in the future.
Here’s how it appeared in the paper:
Related posts:
Dear Abby Comforts Lesbian Grannie With Jerk Son
Dear Abby Comes To Defense Of Gay Man Harassed By Amorous Female Co-Worker
Reader Asks “Dear Prudence” About Standing By Her Man As He Transitions
h/t HuffPost
David
. I read an article about a devout Christian woman on her way to her daughter’s gay wedding. She was asking her god what could be worse. In her head, she heard the words, “You could be on your way to your daughter’s funeral.”
– Wynter Marie Starr
Saw this a few days ago in the comments section of Dear Abby. The letter was asking what to say when asked about your mixed race child. Best laugh I had all week.
“The best retort I ever heard about this was from a caucasian dad who was walking with his daughter (adopted from China) in a stroller. An idiot stranger had the temerity to ask “Is your wife one of those?” and he responded, “Good God, man, of course not! My wife is a grown woman, not an infant!” and walked away. “
polarisfashion
Sounds like these kids are bisexual or queer. Hopefully they can figure out who they are sooner rather than later.
Mike G
I love it! To this 50 year old, it’s pretty amazing that even a small number of today’s HS-age kids feel free enough to publicly explore their identities so readily. Hopefully, society will continue to change quickly enough so that by the time they’re living independent, adult lives, it won’t matter so much how they or anyone else feels the need to label them – no matter whom they fall in love or have sex with, at whatever point in their lives.
Low Country Boy
Nicely said.
Ladbrook
What’s great is that one piece of advice probably changed more minds in our favor than a year’s worth of nasty, bible-thumping emails could ever do to turn back the clock to the “good old days” of closets, prisons, and gay-bashings. The Tony Perkins crowd must shit their pants every time they see one of these.
Dakotahgeo
I grew in the 50s and 60s, always following Dear Abby’s and Dear Ann’s advice. Hasn’t hurt me yet and I’m in my 70th year! Never steered me wrong! OR my Mom!
SteveDenver
@David: Thanks for sharing, those are wonderful. My friend Laurie and her husband Todd adopted three kids from Vietnam when they were toddlers. When her oldest daughter Karen was 16, she hurt her leg on a ski slope and went to a medic tent. The young medic helping her turned to Laurie and asked, “Does she spoke English?” Todd spoke up and said loudly, but politely: “Just ask her your question and you’ll have your answer.” Laurie said the guy turned beet red. Karen whispered to him, “It’s okay. If my dad hadn’t stepped in I would have f*cked with you a little.”
Alan down in Florida
@Mike G: Well said.
jwtraveler
@David: Unfortunately there are some religious fanatics who’d rather go to their daughter’s funeral.
GayEGO
@Dakotahgeo: Me too!
GayEGO
I figured it out and I was brought up as a Mormon in Idaho back in the ’50s. Of course I left the church when I was 16 because I disagreed with some of its teachings.
Myself
While I do appreciate the sentiment of the question and answer, I feel strongly that this was not the most responsible reply.
When gay and “just confused” are the only options mentioned, a world of sexuality is ignored in favor of a false dichotomy. Anyone who identifies with a sexual orientation other than strictly “gay” or “straight” has felt the pressure to pick one at some point. While some are being (rightly) vilified for calling homosexuality a choice, many are being vilified for not making one. A group of people are being told they are confused, selfish, s1utty, greedy, attention-seeking wh0res; and no one bats an eye.
If we praise this mother and Dear Abby in this situation we are not doing this boy (or anyone) any justice. Maybe his is simply gay, maybe bi, pan, etc. (I would say straight, but people rarely go around kissing boys if they aren’t attracted to them); it’s really not a big deal if he doesn’t pick. He does not owe anyone, not even his mother, a firm label.