Advice columnist Abigail “Dear Abby” van Buren was certainly ahead of the curve in 1979.
Her hilarious response to an uppity advice seeker has to be seen to be believed.
Written by “Up In Arms,” the letter writer voices her vast concerns about her new neighbors:
“About four months ago,” she writes, “the house across the street was sold to a ‘father and son’ — or so we thought.”
Related: Guess what Dear Abby thinks you should do with your antigay wedding guests
Imagine her shock and chagrin to discover “it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24.”
This was a respectable neighborhood before this ‘odd couple’ moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!
They must be running some sort of business, or a club. There are motorcycles, expensive sports cars, and even bicycles parked in front and on the lawn. They keep their shades drawn so you can’t see what’s going on inside but they must be up to no good, or why the secrecy?
We called the police department and they asked if we wanted to press charges! They said unless the neighbors were breaking some law there was nothing they could do.
Abby, these weirdos are wrecking our property values! How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood?
In a brilliantly dismissive gesture, Dear Abby deems the letter worthy of only three one-syllable words:
“You could move.”
Here’s the whole letter:
Berkleyguy
Perfect answer!!!!
corasteele45646
Start making more money weekly… This is a valuable part time work for everyone… The best part ,work from comfort of your house and get paid from $100-$2k each week …•••••••??
ROMIG
HAhahaHA!! Hats off to our Dear Abby…and such a hilarious but flawless answer in just 3 words!! LOL!! Thanks Queerty — you just made my day!!
Queerlover69
That’s exactly an expected Judge Judy response! LOL Nosey people need to mind their own bloody business, pray for them to give their lives to Jesus, orrrrr MOVE!!! ????<3
captainburrito
Blacks, whites AND indians? Well holy sh1t… those were different times if that was something to write home about.
chip_in_ga
And even two nuns…LOL No doubt from the Ladies of Perpetual Indulgence chapter.
However, if they are creating a lot of traffic in the neighborhood, and being a general nuisance, they do need to take it down a notch or two. As responsible gays we have a duty to be examples of a what a good neighbor is.
mujerado
No. We have a duty to BE good neighbors, but not to be anyone’s example. Our lives are our own, not the neighborhood’s. It’s clear from the first part of the letter that the mere presence of the “odd couple” was the problem. The complainant watched the place closely enough to know “They keep their shades drawn…” It was the complainant’s problem, end of story.
Jaeger
Well Gladys, I’m so glad you’re keeping track of the neighborhood, making certain that none of them undie-zir-ables get in the neighborhood. Why don’t you go running off to tell Abner about it. It will all be gone when he looks out the window.
Goforit
Jaeger. The same thing happens to me every time I ask my husband to look out our Kravitz window. Admit it Jaeger, you have a Kravitz window too.
Tête Carrée
chip_in_ga
No, as “responsible gays” they had a duty to sh*t on Mrs. Crabtree’s lawn so as to lower her (husband’s) property value. Otherwise she’ll be a liar and go straight to Hell.
(“responsible gays”…Geez, who crammed that lemon up your butt?)
dinard38
Damn Jaeger, you beat me to my post. I was just about to make the same comment about Mrs. Kravitz. LOL.
Great minds think alike, I guess. ?
Silent_Joe
Classic bit.
fur_hunter
As the song goes….”Chicka Boom!…Chicka Boom!…Don’t ya just love it?….Chicka Boom!… Chicka Boom!… Chicka Boom Boom Boom!
Jaeger
Years ago we actually had 2 nuns visiting our gay abode, when the perfectly coiffed and dressed Mor(m)ons came a-calling I pointed out that the woman in the dirty T-shirt and messy jeans was a nun, they ran right off.
Roan
Well, since this was a letter from 1979, I’m guessing the letter writer or the neighbor has either, moved, killed one another, died, or become friends. I guess we will never know.
Maximiliano5458
May be the person that complained in 79, by now has a couple of nephews, and nieces, plus a couple of her own grandchildren that are LGBTQ…lol What’s going around, come around…..
kevininbuffalo
Maybe she got over her self loathing, dumped poor “Abner”, and came out herself!
Hey ya never know!
pattygale
She may be a punchline, but over the years she and her sister have given some solid advice, like this passive aggressive put down. Of course, my all time favorite was, “If you meet a man in a bar, don’t be surprised that he drinks.” Nothing earth shattering, just useful.
Richard 55
The scariest thing about this story is that the man who was about 50 back in 1979 is almost 90 today.
ChrisK
His little sugar boy would be in his 60’s today.
trusgold
lol thats funny
natekerchel
Nothing has changed really in the years between then and now – the same right wing christian idiots making the same thinly disguised attacks on gay people. That was a pretty snappy and bold response for 1979 though, but it shows that the fight for the right to exist has been a long one. I find it almost hilarious that the homophobe is shocked by the interracial nature of the guests turning up and how it is devaluing her property. The only thing devalued is their position as a human being. If that person is still around its a fair bet they voted for trump.
Donald Dork
Unfortunately, most people who write to advice columns don’t really want advice. They just want the advice columnist to agree with them.
mezzacanadese
I think the lady was missing an opportunity to get to know some fabulous neighbors. Her loss.
Snicky
I love it! Go on girl.
silveroracle
Excellent advice.
He BGB
Honey, when gays move in, the property values actually go up up up (esp since these guys have money by the show of expensive cars), so either move to another place with bigots like yourself or get over yourself. I have seen it many times. The “bad” neighborhood is taken over by gays, fixed up nice, then the straight yuppies move in because it’s a cool place and still affordable then, like Midtown Atlanta is becoming, gays move out, and start somewhere else.
He BGB
Remember the homophobic neighbors who beat up the gay man across the street (in the 90s?). It was all over TV and the neighbors got so harassed they eventually moved and hid never to be heard from again. The young man beat the sh** out of the gay guy and the whole redneck family came over yelling gay slurs. I was visiting a friend in Alabama once and his neighbor came out and started yelling queer, etc and then her son joined in.
trusgold
these type of people old bitter women who’s family has deserted them and unable to keep a friendship. i lead a very low key life my lover of 27 years younger plus my boy is 25. the boy and his friends party in the game room we had designed to keep him home and not on the sreets
throwslikeagirl
I’ve read this answer before, replying to several such letters over the years. It used to be amusing, now I find it annoying and promoting stereotypes. This sounds fake.