Advice columnist Abigail “Dear Abby” van Buren was certainly ahead of the curve in 1979.
Her hilarious response to an uppity advice seeker has to be seen to be believed.
Written by “Up In Arms,” the letter writer voices her vast concerns about her new neighbors:
“About four months ago,” she writes, “the house across the street was sold to a ‘father and son’ — or so we thought.”
Imagine her shock and chagrin to discover “it was an older man about 50 and a young fellow about 24.”
This was a respectable neighborhood before this ‘odd couple’ moved in. They have all sorts of strange-looking company. Men who look like women, women who look like men, blacks, whites, Indians. Yesterday I even saw two nuns go in there!
They must be running some sort of business, or a club. There are motorcycles, expensive sports cars, and even bicycles parked in front and on the lawn. They keep their shades drawn so you can’t see what’s going on inside but they must be up to no good, or why the secrecy?
We called the police department and they asked if we wanted to press charges! They said unless the neighbors were breaking some law there was nothing they could do.
Abby, these weirdos are wrecking our property values! How can we improve the quality of this once-respectable neighborhood?
In a brilliantly dismissive gesture, Dear Abby deems the letter worthy of only three one-syllable words:
“You could move.”
Here’s the whole letter: