Dear Queerty: You Write, We Answer

We’re having our site redesigned soon, which will add a “comments” feature on each post–so to warm up, why don’t we give folks a bit of practice and print some of our letters? Read below:

Dear Queerty,

I really hope that the “we” isn’t supposed to be the royal “we” referring to gays, and thus including “I,”
because I honestly have no idea how most of your posts represent anything whatsoever relating to the realities of being gay. I hope Cooper Creek paid you a helluva lot for that plug, but don’t kid yourselves for even a second into thinking anyone reading Queerty doesn’t realize it’s now become little more than a platform for paid advertising, however irrelevant the products might be to the purpose of the site.

It’s really a shame that an idea with so much promise and potential altogether fails to even make an
effort to do anything more than live up to the stereotype that gays care more about fashion and hot dudes than anything substantial, except they can kinda get teary-eyed if you tell them a sad story about a gay being beaten.

–Angry Dude

Dear Angry Dude,

Plugs? Who’s getting plugs? Can we get people to pay for plugs? That would be awesome! Seriously, no we don’t write about anyone because they pay us. We write about the gays being beaten because we think it’s important to remind everyone that just because Will & Grace is on TV, it doesn’t mean that things have changed. Because really, things haven’t changed at all. And it’s not like we obsess over those stories; we mention them in case someone wants to read. Please keep in mind we come across these stories every single day–no joke–but we focus on stories that reflect a larger issue of national significance. Try finding just a touch of compassion, please.

But it’s also important to not dwell on such indelicacies, life goes on; so we take a positive view. We write about wine because (a) wine is cool, (b) lots of gay people we know enjoy wine but don’t know how to choose what they like, and (c) Americans don’t know as much about wine as people in other countries, so why not educate? (There is lots of bad wine out there, so we point people in the right direction when we can.) And we write about shopping because, well, some gays (and some of the straight people who read us too) like to shop. Sorry that we implied that you are a pansyweight poof who shops all the time. And stop feeling embarrassed, it’s okay to be a bottom, you don’t have to be angry about it anymore. Rock on, bro.

Dear Queerty:
I have digested your criticism and that of others declaring the Caribbean hostile towards gays and encouraging a boycott. You suggest we spend our tourist dollars in places more welcoming.

Granted, there is crime in paradise and it is sometime directed at gays and lesbians, and local authorities don’t always act with the diligence that we’d want or expect. But I don’t think you are being fair to the people of the Caribbean.

I live in Los Angeles, home of the entertainment industry, far-left politics and Scientology, and yet crime against gays and lesbians is rampant here too! It happens everywhere. Hiding in a hole at an all-gay, clothing optional inn in Palm Springs will do nothing to make the world a better place. It might however just make it necessary to refill that penicillin prescription.

I’ll continue visiting the Caribbean, enjoying my peace and rest, and praying that I don’t meet a violent fate. Just as a I pray for that every day when I commute to work in Los Angeles.

–Well-Traveled Angeleno

Dear WTA:

Actually, we agree with you. Perhaps something got lost in our choice of language; we aren’t saying a boycott is a good idea at all. Actually, we have been approached a few times about boycotting places like St. Maarten and Jamaica, but we don’t really see it as our place to be rallying the hordes of the gay Internet against a tourist destination. We do, however, feel it is okay to express the opinion that we would not feel safe travelling there. It is not a political statement. FYI: in the case of St. Maarten, it’s not so much the anti-gay violence that is the problem, it’s the fact that the police did nothing. NOTHING. That’s not a “lack of diligence,” that is a blatant failure. And that is scary, because you know it must happen all the time.

We love the Caribbean, but we’d rather go to Puerto Rico. San Juan and Vieques are fantastic, they are very gay-friendly, the tap water is totally safe to drink, and they are far from an all-male, clothing-optional resort in Palm Springs. Which can also be fun, mind you. Not that we would know. Shh.

Dear Queerty:
You are a cock-sucking ass-fucking faggot and you are going to burn in hell why don’t you just shut up

Ah, it takes us back to high school.