So, you’ve heard the term demiboy but don’t know what it means? That’s totally understandable! This is a term that isn’t often talked about, and there’s not a lot of information out there on it. But don’t worry, we’re here to help! In this post, we’ll define what a demiboy is and talk about some of the characteristics associated with this identity.
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What Is A Demiboy?
First, let’s get one thing out of the way – the difference between sex and gender.
When we talk about a person’s sex, we’re talking about whether they’re assigned male or assigned female at birth. This is often determined by a doctor based on one’s external sex characteristics.
Gender identity, on the other hand, is defined by the Human Rights Campaign as your “innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither”. In short, it’s how you see yourself.
So what does this have to do with the demiboy definition?
The word “demi” means “half” or “partially”. And so to be demigender means to identify partially with a particular gender. A demigirl may feel partially like a girl, but not to the point where they identify as a woman. Similarly, demiboys may feel somewhat like a boy, but not entirely.
Demiboys and demigirls fall under the non-binary umbrella. Non-binary people are those who do not identify exclusively as male or female. In fact, they don’t subscribe to the gender binary – that is the classification of gender into two distinct categories. For non-binary people, gender is more like a spectrum. They can identify anywhere in the spectrum or even outside of it.
With that being said, demiboys may or may not express themselves in overtly masculine ways. Some demiboys may feel comfortable wearing clothes you can typically find in the men’s section, while others choose more androgynous clothing. Others may even mix and match feminine and masculine clothes and accessories.
Is Being A Demiboy The Same As Being Genderfluid?
The demiboy/demigirl identities may sound similar to the genderfluid identity. But it’s important to note how they are distinct.
A demiboy may feel like they have a masculine element to their gender identity or have a partial connection to the male gender. On the other hand, when a person identifies as genderfluid, it means that their conception of their gender identity is constantly changing. A genderfluid person may connect with one gender today and identify as another gender tomorrow.
What’s The Difference Between Being A Demiboy And A Trans Man?
Demiboys identify with some aspects of masculinity – regardless of their assigned sex or gender identity. Trans people, on the other hand, feel like their assigned sex at birth is in conflict with their gender identity.
Sometimes, this disconnect can create real physical discomfort and psychological distress. This phenomenon is called gender dysphoria. For many trans people, the best way to relieve their dysphoria is by changing their appearance, name, and pronouns to reflect how they truly feel inside. As such, many trans people elect for hormone replacement therapy and gender-affirming surgery.
It should be noted that some demiboys, non-binary people, and people with genderqueer identities may also experience gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria is not a prerequisite to being trans.
Can you be trans and identify as a demiboy? Yes, you can. As noted in the Trans Youth Equality Foundation’s terminology page, transgender people may identify within the gender binary, along the spectrum, or even outside of it. As such, you can have trans people who identify as non-binary, trans masculine, trans feminine, demiboy, demigirl, etc.
Demiboy Pronouns: What Should You Use?
Whether you identify as a demiboy, a cisgender man, or a trans man, you can use any pronouns that feel right for you.
Some people may also use pronouns interchangeably, going by both he/him and they/them pronouns. If you’re not comfortable with he/him or they/them pronouns, you can also use neopronouns like xe/xem, ze/zir, or ey/em. It’s completely up to you!
What Does The Demiboy Pride Flag Look Like?
While there is no official demiboy flag, a few flags have cropped up from a handful of Tumblr users. One of the most famous demiboy flags is the one designed by Tumblr user Transrants in 2015.
Transrants’ demiboy flag colors include dark gray, light gray, and light blue, and white, all represented by horizontal stripes.
The blue stripes represent masculinity, the gray stripes represent partial connections, and the white stripe represents non-binary identities.
How Can You Support A Loved One Who Identifies As A Demiboy?
If someone close to you partially identifies as a boy or comes out as a demidude person, here are 4 examples of ways you can be a better ally and friend:
1. Listen And Learn
Though it may sound simple, most of the time, people just need someone to hear them out and to see them for who they really are. If your friend comes out to you, accept them with open arms, listen to what they have to say, and assure them that you’re always there for them.
2. Use Their Preferred Pronouns
It may not seem like a big deal to some people, but hearing other people use their correct pronouns can be a validating experience. For those who experience gender dysphoria, being called the wrong pronouns can be triggering.
If you’re unsure what pronouns to use, just ask! But remember to do so in a respectful way. It’s also better to ask about someone’s pronouns in a one-on-one conversation, so that they don’t feel like they’re put on the spot.
And if you ever mess up someone’s pronouns, don’t make a big deal of it or apologize profusely. Just correct yourself and move on.
3. Educate Yourself
It can be difficult to be the token queer person in the room. That is to say, the one queer person in a roomful of straight people who has to answer each and every question about the LGBTQ+ community. It can also be exhausting to have to correct people all the time, especially when another person is dismissive or disrespectful about your gender identity. As such, queer people appreciate allies who can help demystify stereotypes and stand up against prejudiced people.
4. Be Respectful
It’s okay if you don’t completely understand what it means to be transgender, or if you can’t wrap your head around what it’s like to be non-binary. It’s okay if you still get gender identity, sexual orientation, and gender expression confused. What’s important is that you try to understand your queer friends and that you treat them with dignity and respect. Don’t make jokes about how many letters there are in the LGBTQIA+ acronym, or how demiboys aren’t really boys. Treat LGBTQ+ people the same way you want to be treated!
The Bottom Line
Demiboy is a term describing someone who experiences feeling partially connected to the male gender identity. Despite this partial connection, demiboys don’t feel completely male. As such, demiboys (and demigirls) fall under the non-binary umbrella, alongside genderfluid and genderqueer people.
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Myself, I am a quadroonboy. I identify one quarter as a boy.
But I suspect as more of us announce “our innermost concept of self”, as authoritatively defined by HRC, some will start to claim that this inner sense of gender is like the religious concept of a soul — a speculative claim that an atheist or agenderist asserts does not exist in either themselves or others.
I remember when Queerty and some other sites were pushing the label “Hetero Flexible” too.
Can’t wait for the usual suspect to become hysterical over this one. Who new the defining trait of masculinity was being so very fragile.
“It’s completely up to you!”
I’m sitting here, shaking my head in utter disbelief. Reminds me of that adage, be open minded but not so open minded that your brain falls out.
I don’t imagine you have to worry about that pea rolling out of your skull.
There is no such thing as demiboy. There are three sexualities…you’re attracted to men, women, or both.
It’s a gender not a sexuality. And for someone that claims to be a free thinker you have once again rallied around conformity.
See! It’s all such nonsense now that it gets simple minds like mine confused. I don’t buy the new definition of “gender”, historically gender & sex were interchangeable and only recently have they tried to split the two apart. If I believe in the new definition of gender, then I still don’t care what anyone “feels” like on a day to day basis. And like Bonuscheque (below) said, I don’t want to be associated with them, and yes we’re being forced to associate with them with all the new “Gender Sensitivity” training at work we’re being forced to go through. At work, I don’t want to know what anyone does in private. And of course then there are the couple of people who’ll come up to me, as the closest gay person they know, and ask me to explain this to them. I’m not an ambassador for these people and I don’t want to be lumped up with them.
“ I don’t buy the new definition of “gender”, historically gender & sex were interchangeable and only recently have they tried to split the two apart.”
So your comment was about sexuality not sex certainly you know those aren’t the same. Anyway, your somewhat correct. In some cultures gender and sex have been historically linked but not all. Also not terribly relevant as appealing to tradition is a logical fallacy. You also don’t have to buy someone else idea of what gender is but likewise they don’t have to accept yours. This is where there is a difference between trans enby people and yourself. They aren’t trying to define who you are l, they are defining who they are. For whatever reason you feel you can define yourself and them.
“ At work, I don’t want to know what anyone does in private. And of course then there are the couple of people who’ll come up to me, as the closest gay person they know, and ask me to explain this to them. I’m not an ambassador for these people and I don’t want to be lumped up with them.”
Knowing you are in the closet explains a lot. This is about your insecurities and not anyone else.
Cliche: I’m basing my ideas on science, and not feelings. I didn’t say I’m in the closet at work, they know I’m gay. I meant I’m the closest gay person they know while at work.
You aren’t following science. Trans and enby people are recognized as existing and current hypothesis is that it has to do with the body and brain development happening at different times. So one develops one way while the other develops another way.
Chliche: Trans people do have a disorder and if there is a trans person I will call them he or she based on how they identify and how they present themselves. Non binary is nonsense, just because someone feels more butch or more feminine doesn’t mean a new sex or gender. I can’t believe how quickly people jumped on this “non-binary” train.
@SamB: Why argue with an obviously immature, snot-nosed teenager? CG is clearly easily impressed and lacks the wisdom and experience to differentiate fantasy from reality.
Simply ignore this individual, and he/she/it/they will just fade away into deserved obscurity.
Gender identify, gender expression, and sexual orientation are all different things. It’s ok if you don’t want to do the work to understand the differences, but please don’t say you’re on the side of science, cause you are not.
Just stop! Be who you want to be but stop forcing all these man made ideologies on everyone. I am a gay man – I have no issues with my gender. Why do I have to be associated with people who don’t relate to their assigned at birth gender? Being gay and gender confusion is not the same thing.
“ Why do I have to be associated with people who don’t relate to their assigned at birth gender? ”
Then don’t associate yourself, problem solved.
“Gender identity, on the other hand, is defined by the Human Rights Campaign as your “innermost concept of self as male, female, a blend of both or neither”.”
The Human Rights Campaign is a political activist organization, which focuses on lobbying. It is not an authority on psychology, psychiatry or social science. Male and female are not “innermost concepts.” You either are male or you aren’t.
If Queerty wants to do a post about HRC, maybe it can write up something about why HRC keeps elaborate, up-to-date lists of trans homicide victims, but completely ignores the killings of LGB people, including a Florida gay marriage advocate found dead in a landfill last week.
Great, more weirdly-dressed attention-seeking ADHDs and BPs who’ll show up to “volunteer” at our nonprofit, spend every meeting talking about themselves and their obsessions, and change their pronouns from week to week. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
They ALWAYS smoke cigarettes, too, so they spend 1/3 of the time outside and gossiping.
To show how confused and behind I am about this subject, this is the first time I have heard the term “Neopronoun” and it’s attached “identifiers”. I’ll support anyone who wants to try to identify their individual differences, but I’d prefer if they would use more specific identifiers like “Bob”, “Tom”, “Shirley”, etc. instead of terminology that I can’t keep up with which requires any discussions when meeting them to center around their sexuality or gender spectrum. I’m not against your individual differences, I just don’t want that to always be the subject of every conversation we may have.
Has anyone figured out that rather than having to state your preferred pronouns, we could get the same information by going back to using honorifics like “Mr.” and “Ms.”?
Except that “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” “Ms.,” “Miss,” etc. are all gendered, so what about people who are nonbinary/genderfluid, etc. Would you go with Mx.?
Narcissism should not be rewarded by forcing everyone to validate it.
Call yourself what your like, but stop insisting that the world stand on its head, deny science and speak gibberish.
Gays, lesbians and bis have proven that we can do anything straights do and well. It is time to build on that for future generations and not descend into this cesspool of foolishness and fetishism.
Know, what? I don’t care.
I don’t care who you are, what you are or who you do or don’t f*ck,
I don’t care what pronouns you want to be called by, I don’t care if you’re a top or a bottom,
I don’t care what or who you eat or don’t eat,
or how you dress, wear your hair, have or not any tattoos or piercing’s, etc…
What I do care about is that ALL of us treat each other with kindness, compassion and respect.
I care about housing for the homeless, food for the hungry and healthcare.
I care about folks being able to pay their bills and find some contentment in their lives.
It seems that nowadays folks have this incredible need/desire to feel special. What a load of shit. Get over yourself you’re no better than the rest of us.
Do something nice for someone else and masturbate more.
And f*ck the HRC for stirring-up so much bullshit in the GLB & T communities just to make a buck.
I don’t even have 1 question. Don’t care at the end of the day we are all just human.