Depressed? Ingest Semen. No, Really…

In 2002 psychologists at the State University of New York at Albany said that women who have unprotected sex experience lower depression levels due to hormones in jism. Science writer Jennifer Abbasi recently interviewed one of the 2002 researchers and found out that semen not only makes a strangely potent anti-depressant but it can also turn its recipients into addicts. Uh-oh…

The original study had 293 college women fill out questionnaires about their sexual histories and then take a statistical psychological measure of their depression levels. The study found that women who always have unprotected sex have “significantly lower levels of depression symptoms than those who usually or always used condoms,” suggesting that the mood-elevating effects of semen serve to form a chemical bond between partners.

You see, semen contains three key compounds— estrogen, prostaglandins and oxytocin—all linked to lower levels of depression and social bonding. Thus, the women who regularly had unprotected sex also went through “semen withdrawal” after breaking up with their unprotected partners and felt higher levels of depression than women who regularly had protected sex. These depression levels often drove these women to find another sexual partner much more quickly than their safe-sex peers.

This doesn’t mean that everyone should start barebacking and the study says nothing of the effect of STIs on happiness or the effect of semen on receptive male partners. It does however begin to explain the evolutionary purpose of porn. Gordon Gallup, Jr., an evolutionary psychologist at SUNY Albany and lead author of the study said that men who use their imaginations to achieve orgasm shoot a load not nearly as potent than those who watch explicit video pornography.’” See? Chronic masturbators aren’t just porn addicts; they’re building up a chemical load to keep their partners happy—such selfless gentlemen!

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  • Dave

    Huh. This was just on Oh, Internet this morning.

  • Mark Allen

    So THAT explains why I am so cheerful all the time!

  • Lakas

    this study focuses on the vagina secreting jizz in its walls not swallowing buckets of hot white cum. still, ’tis a source of this boy’s happiness.

  • Chris

    I came in my wife all the time and she is still the most unhappy, miserable person that I know. So, what about all the undersexed married men out there that are doing it bare every time with the Mrs.? Obviously those women don’t get addicted because most of the ones I know can go for months without a load in them.

    My boy on the other hand actually calls it his medicine. He get’s cranky if he doesn’t get it.

    I think it might have to do with the state of the mind of the person wanting the load. Women getting loads are probably not all freaked out about semen, are secure and happy in their relationship, etc. That is until they get married…

    Women making men use condoms don’t really trust their partners yet and are obviously scared of the spunk at that time. That would be reason enough to be depressed… they are concerned about the person coming inside of them.

    Just my thoughts…but I wouldn’t get your hopes up guys (I don’t even know if straight guys read this). Women like the spunk until they own the person producing it. Do that study with a bunch of married women and you will get a completely different result.

  • Lefty

    cum cum cum
    yum yum yum

    You just don’t get this on Towleroadzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

  • Robbie K

    Cum the new prozac

  • edfu

    Since the tissues lining the anal canal are much thinner than those in the vagina (hence the predominance of HIV infections amongst gay men), it stands to reason (though, admittedly, not yet proven) that the anti-depressive effects of semen would be even more effective in gay bottoms. This may indeed prove to be one of the reasons why so many gay men are willing to be topped without a condom in spite of the proven dangers. “Top me without a condom, big boy, and I’ll feel happier than if you use a condom.” The tops, of course, find that not using a condom just feels better anyway.

    I would suggest that this research finding is of major significance in understanding why so many gay men today do not follow the strictures of safer sex.

  • tazz602

    Explains a lot – that’s all I’m gonna say.

  • Finney

    The best part about this article is I know a Navy guy who told me a story about eating his own cum-filled tissue to hide it…the picture is just perfect.

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