SPUNK

Depressed? Ingest Semen. No, Really…

In 2002 psychologists at the State University of New York at Albany said that women who have unprotected sex experience lower depression levels due to hormones in jism. Science writer Jennifer Abbasi recently interviewed one of the 2002 researchers and found out that semen not only makes a strangely potent anti-depressant but it can also turn its recipients into addicts. Uh-oh…

The original study had 293 college women fill out questionnaires about their sexual histories and then take a statistical psychological measure of their depression levels. The study found that women who always have unprotected sex have “significantly lower levels of depression symptoms than those who usually or always used condoms,” suggesting that the mood-elevating effects of semen serve to form a chemical bond between partners.

You see, semen contains three key compounds— estrogen, prostaglandins and oxytocin—all linked to lower levels of depression and social bonding. Thus, the women who regularly had unprotected sex also went through “semen withdrawal” after breaking up with their unprotected partners and felt higher levels of depression than women who regularly had protected sex. These depression levels often drove these women to find another sexual partner much more quickly than their safe-sex peers.

This doesn’t mean that everyone should start barebacking and the study says nothing of the effect of STIs on happiness or the effect of semen on receptive male partners. It does however begin to explain the evolutionary purpose of porn. Gordon Gallup, Jr., an evolutionary psychologist at SUNY Albany and lead author of the study said that men who use their imaginations to achieve orgasm shoot a load not nearly as potent than those who watch explicit video pornography.'” See? Chronic masturbators aren’t just porn addicts; they’re building up a chemical load to keep their partners happy—such selfless gentlemen!