Did You Know All Pedophiles Are Gay And Smell Like Jockstraps?

At least that’s what a bigoted, bat-shit crazy Waupaca County Judge Philip Kirk thinks. While sentencing married 71-year-old Delton Gorges to seven years for sexually assaulting four boys, Kirk said, “I think you were born gayer than a sweet-smelling jockstrap… If anyone believes that in the last 10 years or 15 years all of a sudden you developed an interest in homosexuality and young boys, then I must have looked ravishing in my prom dress this year.” Great. Another idiot who thinks pedophilia equals homosexuality (even though that’s been disproven). Of course, the judge is just following the Catholic church’s view on pedophilia (and if there’s one thing the Catholics church is an expert on, it’s demonizing queers letting orphans rot in state homes rather than give them gay parents molesting kids).

Kirk then made some half-assed remark about how painful it must be a closeted queer in the 40s and 50s:

“I can’t imagine in the 40s or 50s admitting your sexual orientation,” said Judge Kirk. “No one knew there was a closet to come out of in those days. You know you had to be very careful because you could have found your penis floating in the Wolf as walleye bait. It was a terrible life to have to live.”

But Judge Kirk it’s not homosexuality or the closet that drives men to molest kids; it’s their desire to molest children. And far from empathizing with the effects of the closet, he’s merely echoing the same Anita Bryant-esque lines a la “gay people wanna molest kids” that has been used to harass gay teachers and force hordes of queer people back into the closet for fear of social persecution. But when a Judge says it, it’s not just the truth… it’s the law! And “colorful”!