falsies

Do Andrew Christian’s New Fake Bulge Briefs Come In ‘Uncircumcised’?

It is underwear designer Andrew Christian’s goal in life to give men the same erotic zone enhancements that women have. He’s long promoted package-lifting briefs (with Show-It technology!). Then he came out with butt-lifting garments (with Flashback technology!). And now he’s basically just inserting prosthetics into your underroos to tell all the guys in the locker room: it’s fake, and it’s fabulous.

With Shock Jock Flirt technology(!), Christian’s new line of briefs and boxers feature a pouch to insert this plastic thingy that comes sculpted with the outline of a penis, so it’ll show through your briefs while you’re parading around the spa changing room.

(Hilariously, the company is pitching the technology as a way to add two inches to your frontal silhouette as well as prevent “zipper injury.”)

It’s perfect for guys who weren’t blessed in that department, but I see a real market in trans men who haven’t had surgery below the waist, but still want to be able to flaunt some manhood.

Between this innovation and Lady Gaga’s new Polaroid glasses, which snap photos while you wear them, we’re moments away from photographer Jeremy Kost presenting an exhibit of dudes and faux dongs.