Finally, the Onion News Network gets a straight answer on why the government prohibits gays from serving in the military:
Under no circumstances can we put America’s homosexuals in danger… Gays of America are the only group left untouched by war. They’re special, pure and rare, like a gleaming diamond… It has been the solemn oath of every man in uniform to lay down his life in defense of America’s precious, precious homosexuals.
Also learned: one gay life’s worth seven straight soldiers. We estimated eight, but we were pretty close. That counts for something, right?
jknight
We can finally stop doing our work! Haha. Funniest video ever!
Bryan
I. Love. This.