Don’t Problematize The Lyrics!

There’s been a lot of talk about “fauxomosexuals” as of late, largely thanks to that singer Katy “Ur So Gay” Perry and her terrible song, “I Kissed a Girl.” Yeah, girl, come back when you’ve licked one.

Anyway, Richard Lawson of Gawker fame today brought the topic up, linking to an article in which Australian journalist Matt Bachl talks with Tim Duggan, a man who claims ladies who “play gay” or otherwise pull the wool are “doing more damage than good.” Bill O’Reilly would disagree, we’re sure.

Bachl was liked turned on to Duggan’s take after reading the his piece “The Danger of Fauxmosexuality” in the Sydney Morning Herald. “DAnger” revolves largely around Perry, a former holy roller who Duggan says took on a queer-ish identity simply to sell records. Obviously.

Who would have thought? Certainly no one who bought Perry’s previous album, a collection of Christian gospel songs she, a daughter of Protestant pastors, released under the name Katy Hudson. Far from kissing girls, the lead single from that album was Trust In Me, with lyrics such as “Don’t worry, for I’ve healed the blind man and set the captives free”.

Cue an overnight makeover, some fauxmosexual lyrics, a masterfully manufactured image and behold! A new, improved and, it goes without saying, successful product.

But lesbians and gays haven’t spent the past few decades fighting for equal rights only to have it thrown back in our faces as a novelty song about being, like, totally outrageous to kiss someone of the same sex.

Duggan (and Richard) quite rightly point out that such sexual shifting has gone on for quite some time: there’s Anne Heche, Russian teens Tetu, Jill Sobule, (maybe) Lindsay Lohan. None of them have garnered as much attention as Perry, however, which may have more to do with the internet than her religious roots.

With all the fake gays we’ve seen, you can imagine our mixed emotions when we heard of a girl named Shire, who recently released a track called, “I Used to Lovher,” the video of which features the singer in bed with a woman and, later, a man. “Surely she must be a lesbian! Or at least queer,” we hoped. Nope.

Shiré told us recently that the track is not, in fact, about a lady-love. It turns out the track’s a reference to Shiré’s first musical endeavor, a Sisqo backed girl group, Luvher. Things didn’t quite work out with the gals’ record label, so they soon split up. Things looked bleak for Shiré, but she simply couldn’t quit and decided to go solo with the “Used to” track.

When asked how she would respond to “fauxmo” criticism, Shiré, who slyly – yet sweetly – intimated she doesn’t have a preferred sexuality, described the track as “universal with multiple meanings.” She went on, “It shouldn’t be interpreted as being misleading but as a record that has no boundaries. It was written in a way to be clever and meaningful. Whether you’re gay, straight or bisexual, we all may have loved a female who did us wrong.” Hmmm, that’s as true as it is dubious.

Regardless, this so-called “trend” shows no sign of slowing down. While Lawson suggests we name trends in order to squash them, Duggan wags a finger and insists people like Perry simply must stop lest they destroy all of Gayville:

By pretending it’s cool to kiss other girls for fun, Perry insults the very people she is parodying – real life, garden-variety lesbians. When the bulbs stop flashing and the fad moves on, the sexuality of lesbians and gays will remain steadfastly unchanged. In its place is a confused and battered community that has been taken for a ride.

It’s time for Perry to stop kissing girls and start taking responsibility for the knock-on effect of her thoughtless lyrics.

We’re not sure it’s as deep as all thought, but will say that Duggan’s simply compounding the problem. See, it isn’t simply that Perry and others are frolicking around as fake gays, but that people and the press – including ourselves – zero in on that fabricated controversy.

Remember the original trick to killing Freddy Krueger? Turning your back on him. But, like a recurring nightmare, or a popular franchise the character returned. So, sadly, will the fauxmosexual. And hopefully not in the form of Perry.