Don’t Worry George Michael, Gay Kids Have Never Looked Up To You

Just in time for his new Symphonica tour, gaylebrity trainwreck George Michael has publicly stated that he seeks to make amends with an upcoming ultra-gay album for “letting young gay people down” with his repeated drug and sex arrests. But as far as I’ve seen he has nothing to worry about as most young queers think George Michael is the name of a character off of Arrested Development.

Michael said:

“It’s really a matter of thinking what can I do to contribute as a gay man, because I have a serious problem with the fact that every time I would let myself down, I felt definitely that I was letting young gay people down, because they would then witness the homophobia that is thrown at me and the wording of that homophobia and the language that is being used,” he said. “So I have some plans to try and do things to help gay kids and I think we’re a notoriously bad community at helping our own when it comes to children because we don’t have any children.”

One thing he plans on doing is to assemble a “gay collective” to record on his next album — although he said none have officially been confirmed so he doesn’t want to say specific names, only hinting at “amazing guests.”

“I want to make up for some of the damage that I have done in making myself so newsworthy and putting myself on the back foot enough that there was no room, or space, for me to defend gay children,” he says.

Oh Michael, that’s sweet but we assure you no one has ever looked up to you as a gay role model. You came out as a result of an arrest for toilet trampery for crap’s sake—hardly the cover of People magazine. No kid gay or straight wants to emulate you (unless they really like drugs and jail). And while you may worry that your shenanigans give bullies fodder to use against gay kids, your behavior is really no worse than the average episode of Queer As Folk.

But let’s take a sordid jaunt down memory lane to see just what Michael’s talking about:

April 7th 1998: Michael gets arrested for “engaging in a lewd act” in a public toilet in a park in Beverly Hills,

July 23rd 2006: Michael was again accused of engaging in anonymous public sex, this time at London’s Hampstead Heath.

February 26th 2006: Michael gets arrested for possession of Class C drugs

September 19th 2008: Michael gets arrested in a public toilet in the Hampstead Heath area of London for possession of Class A and C drugs.

July 4th 2010: Michael celebrates gay pride by driving into the front of a camera shop after a parade. London police charge him with “possession of cannabis and with driving while unfit through drink or drugs.”

Lay off the wacky tobbacky Georgie Porgie pudding and pie! And though Michael recently said, “In terms of recovering from a very long period of grief and self-abuse, and in terms of staying on the straight and narrow, there’s nothing like touring. It gives me the impetus to take care of myself and approve of myself,” that’s too bad because at this point we find his horrid behavior much more entertaining than his music.