Many Drag Race recappers were mad that Straight Roommate got left out of the recap last week, so to make it up to you, this week’s recap is all about my hetroomie and his views on Logo’s only worthwhile show, RuPaul’s Drag Race. This week, the final four duke it out for a place in the finals.
For the penultimate episode, the Final Four, Rebecca (aka Mean Mustache), Nina (aka The Gentle Giant), Bebe (aka Grace Jones Wants Her Attitude Back) and Shanelle (aka Let Me Tell You How Amazing I Am) have to come up with three looks: A swimsuit, a “real” business woman and evening wear, all themed to various Absolut vodkas.
Now, Absolut is throwing a ton of money at this show and up til now, we haven’t seen much of them. This episode makes up for all that by cramming as much vodka cross-promotional tie-ins as possible. Each girl is themed to be a different fruit-flavored vodka. There’s a mid-challenge cocktail party. The nice Absolut guy keeps explaining the various flavors of fruit-flavored vodka. We get it! Gays need to be alcoholics! We’re working on it! Somebody needs to tell the Absolut marketing people that fruity vodkas are out, by the way. Oh look, we just did. In the commercial break Straight Roommate and I discuss what sort of vodkas we would be. He settles on Absolut Whisky and I settle on Absolut Bombay Sapphire.
Take that, product placement!
The show’s editors continue to overplay their hand by overdoing the emotional manipulation. When Bebe is chosen to be Ms. Raspberry, S.R. jumps up and says, “Hey! That’s great! Chocolate and raspberries!” but the show cuts it to look as if Bebe is just sitting there doing nothing—which of course means she’ll win the challenge. We see it coming a mile away and to pass the time while we watch a bunch of dressmaking montages. Then me and the roomie decide who we want to win:
S.R.: “Shanelle is really good looking. Yeah she’s a total bitch, but she’s gorgeous.”
G.R.: “Total bitch, absolutely, but I love how into herself she is and I love the showgirl thing.”
S.R.: “If she stopped doing the raccoon eyes, she’d be a good looking guy.”
G.R.: “You killed Ongina’s chances, bitch. You’re going down. Also, I hate her make-up a little more every week.”
S.R.: “She creeps my shit out. She’s so creepy. She moves like a spastic automaton. She shorted a circuit and went haywire.”
G.R.: “The most boring of them all. She’s classy, but yeah, kind of lifeless.”
S.R.: “I can’t get past Nina’s lack of eyebrows.”
G.R: “But that tattoos and the accent! Plus, for a beefy Latin boy, she knows how to pull out a new look every week.”
Our picks for winner
S.R.’s: “Shannelle. I’d hate to think they’d go for superficial, but then again, it’s a drag queen race, right?”
G.R’s: “Shanelle. Totally full of herself, but that’s half the fun.”
Straight Roommate is explaining how he would incorporate mangoes into his drag outfit (think flower petals) when Charo shows up in the Drag Race dressing room! Now, Charo will star in anything, anytime anybody asks, but after a minute of watching her teaching the girls how to samba and walk in heels (which the girls sweetly do not get uppity about), we’re totally won over by her Coochy-Coochy attitude. She’s like the Latina Tammy Faye, right? Straight Roommate adds, “Only in the middle of a gay show can you stop the action and have a conga line.” It’s meant as a compliment, obviously.
Quick assignment: Start a conga line this week. Detail your results in the comments.
On Vaseline Alley, Bebe, despite the editor’s attempts to make us think otherwise, pulls out all the stops and even S.R. says that she’s “the least creepy she’s ever been.” Straight Roommate goes on about how Shannelle will win the swimsuit portion because “she has phenomenal legs” and for the record, he says this before Shannelle walks down the runway. When Shannelle does come out, she does a little Silence of the Lambs routine that causes the Absolut Guy to recoil in horror. That’s not product placement we can believe in! Nina does some clever looks she says are inspired by her Mom, which makes it hard to say that they reminded us of Joan Crawford’s wardrobe in Mommy Dearest and to our eye, Rebecca’s outfits were the most modern and fresh.
Since it’s near the end of the competition, Ru asks the girls who they’d like to eliminate. Rebecca asks if she can choose just one and ha, ha, you’d think this was a joke, but she says it seriously. Rebecca’s not the brightest jewel in the tiara and Bebe and Nina both say they’d get rid of her if they had any say in it. Now, Shannelle hates, hates, hates Rebecca, but decides that she’s going to say that she’d kick herself off the show because the judges all call her a fake whose incapable of vulnerability and, goddammit, she’s beautiful! Beautiful!
As soon as she’s off the stage, all the judges decide that Shannel’s outburst was carefully planned. Damned if you do, damned if you don’t, girl. We think Shannelle has a point, to be honest. Her drag persona (which admittedly is a reflective of her real life persona) is of the indomitable performer who’s always in control. From day one she’s said she’s the “Barbara Streisand of drag,” so what do the judges expect, really? Just because she doesn’t want to cry and suck up to you doesn’t mean she isn’t any good.
And that spirited defense is obviously there because it’s Shannel who loses this week. Bebe wins and Nina and Rebecca are of to next weeks finals. Poor Shannelle. We shall miss your snake ensconced breasts, jiggling ass and imperious demeanor. We’ll look you up next time we’re in Vegas.