Now that Jason Collins has broken the gay male professional athlete glass ceiling, we got to thinking: who would be next? Who’ll come dribbling, rushing, sprinting, diving, fencing (?) out of the closet? In that spirit, we threw on our technicolor dreamjerseys and journeyed to the land of What If to imagine some of our favorite athletes switching teams, as it were.
Check out the 7 athletes Queerty wishes would come out. Go long.
Tim Tebow
The recently-released Jets quarterback has a rabid conservative Christian following which would choke on its own self-righteousness if their golden boy came out of the closet. Those megachurch speaking engagements would probably dry up, but the boy’s not bad-looking and we’re sure he’d clean up off the field. And if Rob Gronkowski has anything to say about it, on the field. “Tebowing” would have an all new meaning.
Chris Kluwe and Brendon Ayanbadejo
Brendon and Chris are such committed allies they’d probably just come out for the hell of it. And as the ultimate show in solidarity, they’d get married (in Maryland not Minnesota). Matching football helmets and all. Stunning. Where that would leave their respective families, however, is another matter best settled between lawyers and the tabloids. Love knows no out-of-bounds!
Usain Bolt
The Olympic sprinter has been Jamaican us crazy since he ran onto the track and into our hearts. If the six-time gold medal winner came out, it would also have serious impact in the notoriously homophobic island-nation from which he hails. We just hope his title as the “fastest man ever” doesn’t apply to all facets of his life.
Mike Piazza
That handelbar mustache is just begging for a ride. The former Met has been dodging gay rumors just because his position reminds people of man-sex and just because he looks like a leather daddy — a filthy one. Talk about judging a book by its cover, though how awesome a spokesman would he be for the Folsom community? Meanwhile, does anyone remember this sad chapter?
How about we take this to the next level?
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continuum
Teblow won’t come out.
He has already started his new career on the tela-bangelical circuit of hate speech.
Teblow is scheduled to speak in the coming months at a Xrstian convention here in Memphis
Jame
This post is just stupid.
jwrappaport
@Jame: This post is wonderful. Tebow is mine.
Elloreigh
I won’t begrudge anyone their fantasies about buff athletes, but do we really need to hear about in the form of a Queerty article? It’s this kind of crap that makes the site more akin to some cheap gossip rag than a place for finding information relevant to the average gay person’s life. Seems like Queerty and The Backlot (formerly AfterElton) are competing in a race to the bottom.
The only people we should wish would come out are those who are genuinely struggling with this aspect of their identity. Wishing that straight people would “go gay” is ridiculous, and just reinforces a stereotype of gay people as predatory.
Seriously, this kind of public drooling is just plain creepy.
B Damion
@Jame…agreed!
Homophile
Why can’t we have a balance of both serious news and fluff? Why does it have to be one or the other?
With the exception of Piazza, everyone of those athletes have posed in pictures for the sole purpose of showing off how beautiful they are, so I’m not going to feel guilty for objectifying them.
What’s so awesome about free will is you can either not click on “stupid” and “cheap gossip” posts, or not come to Queerty at all.
Jay
I don’t wish Tebow would do anything, except maybe die. Why you’re centering an article around that worthless piece of bigoted shit is beyond my ability to comprehend.
I don’t want him to come out. I don’t want him to come over. Hell, I don’t want him to come, period.
brokeback gypsy
OMG! that last pic of Tom Daley looks just like my cat when he has been distracted from his CONSTANT licking himself (bitch) when some dog food commercial comes across the TV.
Jay
Chris Kluwe and Tom Daley, OTOH…
bledoutcolor
Ugh. This post is offensives. Not only does it make pigtail of the process of coming out for actual gay players, it denies these straight athlete’s their own self identification. A good indication for if something is offensives or not: if the situation is reversed would it be questionable or cause damage? If someone posted a list of 7 gay athletes they wished would decide (as if its a choice) to “switch teams” we would be full of righteous indignation. Seriously, I know this is supposed to be a lighthearted fantasy piece but it comes off as an above poster said: predatory. And its unfair to demand people respect our gayness and right to identify as that, then continuously accuse all the hot straight people of being gay. They have a right to their identity just as much as us, and coming out shouldn’t be trivialized to a sexual fantasy. If it was an unnatractive player would you still be hoping they’d bat for our team? No? Then your not taking the gravity of the coming out process and emotions involved seriously enough.
bledoutcolor
Pigtail was supposed to be light. Wtf at my tablet’s autocorrect.
Homophile
@bledoutcolor:
Why so serious?
fredo777
Jesus Christ, that pic of Tom Daley stretching…
fredo777
@Jay: “I don’t want him to come out. I don’t want him to come over. Hell, I don’t want him to come, period.”
Well, I want him to come over. Beliefs aside, I’d fuck him six ways from Sunday.
Homophile
@Homophile:
Let me elaborate.
First of all it is a “lighthearted fantasy piece” and overtly so. Words and phrases like: “Wishful Thinking”, “Dream Team”, “dream jerseys”, “land of What If”, and to “imagine” etc…
It’s pretty clear that no one is trying to “continuously accuse all the hot straight people of being gay”, but to have a bit of fun.
Secondly, humor has been used since the beginning of time to lighten up serious topics. Is coming out serious? Yes, but does that mean we must never make jokes about it? Do I think some pro sports player is going to see this obviously silly post on Queerity and decide not to come out because of it? As the kids say, “GURRL PLEASE”.
As on your “predatory” comment. Human beings sometimes find other human beings attractive, shocking I know. If the above athletes didn’t expect men and women to see them as objects of desire then they wouldn’t have agreed (and been paid) to be photographed in a way that shows them at their most attractive.
Besides, how do you know they don’t actually find it flattering that gay men find them attractive? Why do you think that if a gay man finds a straight man attractive it’s “predatory”?
Lefty
Do we have to pretend to like the sports now, then?
I was drifting through life in blissful ignorance.
There just seems to be so much to learn before you can even begin to convincingly feign interest.
This is so much pressure.
Before these athletes decide they might like to come out, can they at least think about the rest of us first?
I need a xanny and a lie down…
startenout
@bledoutcolor: calm down. It’s fun and harmless.
cjc1414
Tebow and Daley don’t have to come out those 2 guys are soooooooooooooooo gay.
Sweet Boy
Tebow would make a very good bottom
MANSUMM
Why can’t we respect the support of straight men without making it sexual.
Let’s write an article about the good they are doing. Not whether we want to sleep with them or not.
TrekBear
Other athletes that should come out include Colt McCoy and Jordan Shipley.
PARKAVMAN
Not everyone is gay! Stop projecting your wishes on them. We need our straight allies to help overcome homophobia. Ben Cohen is a great example. If someone is gay, it’s their choice to come out. Harvey Milk thought the more the better and so do I, but not everyone is ready. Some of these guys would be a sexual fantasy, some would be a nightmare.
Homophile
@PARKAVMAN:
Elaborate please.
Are you saying that if we “wish” straight guys were gay, we somehow put into jeopardy them becoming straight allies?
In my experience if a straight dude is comfortable with gay dudes, then he’s comfortable with other dudes thinking he’s cute. You bring up Ben Cohen as an example – do you really think he would post pics of himself in the locker room on his FB page because he doesn’t like gay guys drooling over him?
Caleb in SC
@jwrappaport: As we agreed, you can have him . . . as long as I get The Gronk!
niles
You do a grave disservice to our straight allies like Kluwe by putting his picture in a salacious article such as this. They already face much criticism and whispering about their sexuality simply by standing up for our rights. For you to pour gasoline onto the fire is both disgusting and disrespectful to their families.
jwrappaport
@niles: “[D]isgusting and disrespectful to their families”? “Salacious”? Good grief. It’s a just good-natured piece on athletes whom many in the gay community find attractive – myself included. Quit being so humorless and melodramatic. Won’t someone PLEASE think of the children?!
@Caleb in SC: I think I can come to terms with that, although I just googled your man, and I think you might be getting the better end of the deal. I truly chose the wrong profession.
BJ McFrisky
@MANSUMM: I agree with you 100%, but if you’re asking the gay community to refrain from sexualizing something, well, good luck with that.
mz.sam
Tebow coming out as WHAT??? The dude surely isn’t gay and surely not straight…just a Curious Crazy Christian!
Elloreigh
@Homophile: I think bledoutcolor hit the nail on the head. Publicly wishing for straight athletes to come out has the effect of denying them their identity as straight men. There comes a point where the attention ceases to be flattering and crosses the line into being creepy, and this article crosses that line.
Elloreigh
@MANSUMM: Exactly. If gay people want to be respected, they need to return the favor to our straight allies.
Elloreigh
@BJ McFrisky: Well maybe it’s time the gay community did some growing up then, instead of acting like teenagers thinking with their hormones.
jamal49
Lighten up, boys. This is called “wishful thinking”. One day, stuff like this won’t matter not one bit. Let’s get to the point where one’s sexuality is not relevant to one’s ability to play pro sports, act, sing, run for office, etc. etc. Funny thing. I don’t find not one of the 7 athletes here attractive or interesting. But then, I never waste my fantasy energy on straight boys. Straight boys are too much work.
GeorgeTSLC
Turns out Tom Dale has come out recently–as bi. Dating a guy, still fancies girls.
Now there’s courage.
pscheck2
It bemuses me as a gay person to find so many of my brothers posting shrill comments regarding this subject. It is only a fun piece based on one’s fantasies! I think the deeper question here is: are my brothers who are so shrill, deep down regretting that they are gay? (To me it sounds like it!). lol.
kajunteddy
@continuum: He wouldnt be the first “CHRISTIAN” to come out…..either he comes out or he gets shoved out…his choice….
paul dorian lord fredine
well, somebody had too much time on their hands with the internet down and unable to access their favorite porn site.