Why settle when you can have it all? One Reddit user listed 10 requirements for his Mr. Right in the r/askgaybros forum recently, writing, “This is all I want in a guy. Please tell me if it’s too much, or if I should add anything to the list.”
Here’s his wishlist, in full:
– Taller than me but not so tall that he makes me look short
– Makes over six figures but isn’t consumed by the idea of wealth
– Is faithful and pretends that I’m his first boyfriend
– Is super jacked but makes me his priority before hitting the gym or meal prepping his food
– Likes all the shows I do but isn’t addicted to TV
– Has very high standards for a partner but not so high [that I don’t make] the cut
– Can speak three-plus languages so he can tell me he loves me in different ways
– Is funny and has my exact sense of humor but doesn’t think our relationship is a joke
– Is very career-driven but is even more relationship-driven because I’m important
– Is super handsome but doesn’t make me look like an old witch
In case it’s not obvious, that Reddit user was parodying other wishlists he’d seen online. And we admit, it took us a few bullet points to catch on!
Related: Gay Redditors list what they look for in a Grindr match, besides looks
Some commenters in the thread understood the assignment, so to speak.
“Ugh, kween, you didn’t even add that he ought to be of royal blood,” one quipped. “Learn 👏 to 👏 know 👏 your 👏 worth.👏”
Another wrote, “D*ck size. He should be big, but he should also not be big, because it can hurt. Also, he should have a hairy chest/forearms/legs/pubes, but he should also not have body hair, because we don’t know what we like and want on a given day.”
The thread turned serious, however, when one Redditor observed that “some people standards are so low that they could use a wake-up call like this to let them know to shoot a little higher.”
Related: Dating apps are causing people to lower their standards, study finds
But another user begged to differ, writing, “Standards and a list of criteria are two entirely different things, and that’s what a lot of gays have trouble understanding. … Wanting a tall, dark-haired, hung, green-eyed, career-driven man is having criteria. Wanting a man with whom you’ll be able to truly communicate is having standards. … Don’t mistake the two together. That’s the problem of a lot of gay men, because they think they have standards, while they only have criteria and thus end up in shitty relationship.”
Do you have thoughts on that standards-versus-criteria argument? Are there other paradoxical requirements you’d add to the list above? Let us know in the comments!
Hillers
At this point, a pulse and a penis will do.
m
?Agreed!
bachy
Hmmm. There’s a reason guys like Brad Pitt choose partners like Angelina Jolie. Whether they’re suitable long-term or not, gorgeous, intelligent, successful people choose gorgeous, intelligent, successful people as partners.
It’s probably a good idea to take a long, hard look in the mirror before making a list with such high standards and criteria. Because your potential partners are going to have a list, too. Will you measure up?
barryaksarben
backy is not entirely right. I myself had two husbands that people refused to believe were my lovers. Beuaty is in the eye of the beholder. Philip was a very very large bodybuilder with two homes who was tired of people being into his exterior only. George was first nation and had the most beautiful long eyelashes you have ever seen. I found out after he died that all of my friends wanted him but he was so smart and was very jealous since his first lover had cheated and could be extremely bitchy with people approaching him. We never went to a gay bar in all of our years together. I have been so lucky and it was my interest in them and my loyalty was all they wanted. They both have passed away but never make it list as it may keep you from an amazing soul who may not be quite as tall as youd like. George was much shorter than I while Philip was much taller. Find someone KIND and loving and dont worry too much about the outside
bachy
You make some very good points, barryaksarben. Thank you.
johncp56
OMG just date yourself son
m
I know! But, I honestly doubt that he measures up to his unrealistic list of criterion.
Donston
I see some still don’t get that the list is a rather obvious joke.
I’ve never been overly picky. As long as there’s some attraction there, you have a dick (I may be inherently pansexual at this point in my life but I understand that I still have same-sex and same-gender general preferences, attachment and commitment ambitions), and you’re not a complete loser and dumb-ass then I can give you a shot. But I’m just happy to be settled down and not “out there” in that messy dating world any longer. It’s not fun. While the old trope that dudes who are looking to date dudes have it easy in the dating world and in relationships is a damn lie. Some folks also need to be aware of the type of person they attract and what they project. That’s probably more key than a list of what you expect from a partner.
zephyr69
I’ll take anyone from 18 to 80. If they can’t walk, I’ll carry them.
Steven R
I’ve been saying for years that I just want someone reasonably attractive, moderately sane, and employed. I fear I’ve set my sights too high.
daniel10x
My husband of 6 years and I borrowed a phrase from Dandy’s mom in American Horror Story: Freak Show. “I love you … and your madness.”
Don’t shy from strange, just make sure he’s YOUR type of strange.
Mark Behar
Don’t be picky! The modified Drake Equation (intelligent life in the universe) for finding your special partner:
Imagine 1 million people in your city— if you’re in a big city or smaller one, just multiply by the estimated population– it’s 5 million, multiply the end result by 5; if it’s 250,000, then divide by 25, etc. Figure about 50% being male, and about 3.5% of those being men who prefer sex with other men, not necessarily actively seeking male-male relationships. About 17,500, so far.
Now how many of these are “single & eligible” guys not already partnered, and how many of them are not jail bait (less than age 18) or in hospice?! Maybe half? Or 90%?? How many may be looking for someone now? Are in the age group you’d consider? HIV poz or neg? Height & weight proportionate & optimal? Fit (by your definition)? The right color of hair and eyes? Maybe 1-5% of those 17,500 guys (175-875)?
How many are now looking for a relationship or just a hook-up? Want to go to bars or are just online Scruff, Grindr, A4A, or similar apps, or are interested in meeting a person with YOUR AGE and racial group and dick size and sexual activity preferences?? Educated? Employed? Not into tobacco, alcohol, certain drugs? Likes 420, or ecstasy or meth? Has the religion and ethnic (racial) background of your choice? Or guys who want to be homebodies, and those who like to go out, and those searching for other guys who have hobbies like hiking, biking, weight lifting, sailing, rock climbing, going to theatre, kind of what you may like to do. Those potential numbers are dropping, especially if you and the other guy are serious about those essential features!
What about sexual practices? I didn’t even talk about dick size or being top, bottom or versatile! Or those who prefer oral only! Or who like to rim? Or those with specific kinks! The numbers of “potentials” are merely a handful, huh?! Oh, and someone who has transportation and can actually visit you or go somewhere with you– within a reasonable distance so that you can visit each other to each other’s satisfaction. The number of potential mates is not in the negatives yet, is it?
THIS is why you and your partner should not be picky! Be open to whomever catches your eye!
Prax07
It’s parody, but it ring true with some guys online.
At this point, for myself, I’ll just say finding a guy with similar interests and personality that isn’t an actual narcissistic abuser would be like finding a unicorn.
Huron132
It’s almost everything we would like. If you break it down to the basic factors it’s a list of someone we all look for. Yes it’s a list to make you smile at. Humor is the best medicine for things like this. You just look for the person who truly loves you back the way you want.
winemaker
Ah the dating game and all the nonsensical BULLSHIT that goes along with the search for the perfect partner and having to deal with the liars, losers, flakes and fakes etc. That said, most of us just want somebody nice looking, non pretentious, goal oriented, employed with no drama or hang ups about what things are supposed to be. BOTTOM line: there’s no such thing as the perfect man never was born and never will be born, If you keep holding out for perfection the search will be a long, fruitless and frustrating waste of energy and time and one day you’ll realize this had hopefully sooner than later