Tom Young writes for The Washington Post. Tom Young decided to go without sex for an entire year and write all about it.
We all know this is going to lead to some amazingly perceptive thoughts on life/gay sex/etc., but generally people give up around the 40 day mark, so good on him for going the full monty.
Related: Man Vows One Year Of Celibacy In Effort To “Reevaluate” His Life And “Renew” His Sense Of Well-Being
Of course, no piece like this is complete without mentioning the apps:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Every buzz represented a feeling of hope that I could be forming a real connection with someone in my community, both gay and geographic. Although I’m able to handle certain elements of my libido on my own, porn and hand lotion don’t make you feel happy or connected — or make you breakfast in the morning.
Recently, I rejoined Tinder and started going out to the gay bars again. On one of these raucous nights, while watching my friends scour the room and sift through Grindr on their phones, I quietly realized I had reached my six-month mark of abstinence. And I began to wonder — not for the first time — if celibacy was worth it.
People are also hooking up and making each other feel awful via Snapchat now:
…my friend and I were looking through his Snapchats: I glimpsed about 10 seconds of a guy laying seductively on a bed, a caption beckoning my friend to join him for another roll in the hay. He typed a quick, emotionless response before moving on to the next snap, appearing to forget all about the guy in his phone.
Seeing his reaction to that Snapchat, I recognized a piece of me that I didn’t like. I remembered when I used to throw myself at guys who were only interested in me as a passing thrill. And I remembered how I hate that feeling, how it keeps me up at night. I’ve come to learn that I am attracted to guys who are emotionally unavailable or simply seeking a quick bang.
If this is somehow revelatory for you, there’s a lot more to get into. He even manages to weave Orlando and the ban on gay blood donors in for good measure… so there’s that.
We’ll see you in six months, Tom!
Related: Male Chastity Devices Now Available In Three Great Finishes
redcarpet30
A whole year?! Oh poor baby! *eyeroll*
Ander
Six months?
big deal.
marc sfe
Big fucking deal. Wait till you’re an older gay man and there’s no one who wants to have sex – 3 years now – –
onthemark
@marc sfe: LOL. I love your “logic” there.
There are lots of gay guys the same age as you. Your actual problem is either (a) you’re not interested in guys your own age because you’re a chicken hawk, or (b) guys your own age aren’t interested in YOU because you’re too FAT.
Come on, admit it – it’s one of those two things. 🙂
Dave Downunder
@onthemark: Ouch!
onthemark
@Dave Downunder: Yeah I know, we’re supposed to type plaintive posts decrying “ageism” in “the gay community,” blah blah blah. But I never understand what that means, unless it’s a fancy way of saying “let’s have quotas to force young guys to have sex with us old guys!” Impractical, don’t you think?
Dave Downunder
@onthemark: That may be but I was just a little surprised at the direct personal attack. It doesn’t seem like your usual approach to a topic that’s all.
Stache
Hearing this kind of BS tells me Tom’s pretty young. I was young and dumb too and thought some pretty crazy shit just like Tom. I guarantee you that Tom will have many other dumb phases through out his life.
As Marc says. There will be plenty of time for celibacy when you get older. You naturally just slow down. It’s not some kind of spiritual or moral mojo BS. Just circumstances.
Stache
@onthemark: Ha. I have a friend like that who’s no spring chicken. Can’t imagine having sex with one of their peers. He likes young college looking dudes. Meanwhile he’s complains all the time about no available guys.
When you get older your dating pool diminishes. Not helped by the fact that many of your peers are chasing after much younger guys. Even if you’re not part of the problem all that makes it not easy getting older in the gay community.
onthemark
@Dave Downunder: Well… thank you for that, I guess! (You gave me a compliment in there I guess.) I’m afraid I know a few “marc sfe” types in real life. They want to see a one-way street where they’re victims & don’t need to make any changes. But it doesn’t really work that way.
@Stache: There is some humor in it as you say. None of us older guys were too concerned with “ageism in the gay community” back in the ’80s when we were busy having sex with guys our own age. But yeah, I realize the dating pool diminishes. Also our generation has demographic challenges, since so many guys died and just aren’t around.
YashaDk
I am 32 and been celibate all my life 😛
And that won’t change… maybe I should write about that!
Dave Downunder
@onthemark: Yes there was a compliment in there but my comment was more just because i was a little surprised is all. No hard feelings I hope.
Bayonetto
My eyes are not physically capable of rolling back far enough into my head to express my disdain for the fact that this is somehow newsworthy. If that’s all I had to do to get published, I’d have written about my year off sex and dating until the checks stopped clearing. How many of us HAVEN’T sworn off sex to some degree to get right with ourselves? There are plenty of memoirs by plenty of people with a lot more to say on the subject.