Elton John Would Make an Awesome Simon Cowell Replacement. Too Bad It’ll Probably Never Happen

As much as we want to believe this rumor that Elton John is on the short list to replace Simon Cowell on American Idol next season, we cannot fathom a world where The Bitch sits still through hours and hours of “Tiny Dancer” auditions.

Sure, he’d take great pleasure in shooting down the wayward talents of hack singers, and we’d take great pleasure in seeing Elton’s cattiness, egged on by producers, attempt to make Cowell’s comments as Anne Hathaway’s smile, but such an engagement would tie the piano man down for months, and this butterfly can’t be caged.

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  • Qjersey

    Just we need a delusional self important bitchy queen as a judge on Project Runway, I mean, American Idol.

  • QLA

    Don’t put my girl down – Elton is not self-important – he is important – he is pop royalty. He should be above being an Idol judge.

    I rarely agree with Queerty – but they are right on this one.

    This butterfly can’t – and should not – be caged

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    I should get Royalties for suggesting that first on Queerty! Everyone will just think Simon got Fatter! Still, Gay Mafia says “No!”

  • Bob Lahblah's Law Blog

    The Queen is dead; long live the Queen!

  • Dasher

    They’ve already got their token gay person in Ellen. You can be sure they won’t go to that well again to replace Simon. Fortunately, there are zillions of nasty heteros to choose from, though.

  • Bob Lablah

    @Bob Lahblah’s Law Blog: I am American and you will hear from my attorney regarding “intellectual property theft” Mr. or Ms. Smarty.(smile)

    Any way folks, since the show is on it’s last leg (and it is hard to argue that it ain’t) and they are looking for a potty-mouth queen to take the helm why not offer it to Boy George?

    Oh, silly me. I forgot they do background checks for the sanctimonious southerners who condemn it every Sunday in church and on tv.

    Someone call Conan and tell him there is an opening on American Idol and see if he is willing to come over and seal its’ doom too.

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