Too often Grindr can feel like a battlefield where men tear one another down instead of lift one another up. Occasionally, however, good things do happen on that little orange grid.
An empowering chat between two bottoms on Grindr has gone viral for all the right reasons.
Twitter user @dps_moira recently shared a screenshot of the conversation along with the caption, “I really hope he is doing OK.”
The discourse went as follows:
How about we take this to the next level?
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Bottom #1: Hi. Are you a top?
Bottom #2: No, sorry.
Bottom #1: Never, never ever apologize for being yourself. That’s how the straights kept us down for a hundred years.
I really hope he is doing ok pic.twitter.com/l7jildgrWX
— artoo detoo baby super fcking artoo detoo! (@dps_moira) May 16, 2020
The tweet quickly went viral, receiving almost 100K likes and 17K retweets. Evidently, Bottom #1’s message of encouragement and staying true to oneself was just what the world needed to hear right now.
And now, the responses…
That’s the most wholesome answer to a rejection apology I ever seen.
— Magenta Moorg ✡ The Hairy Witch (@MagentaMoorgate) May 18, 2020
What an amazing individual. I feel warm and fuzzy reading this.
— Dax and Guro (@Guro_Monster) May 18, 2020
You should have sucked it up and topped him after that
— Petey Plastic (@PeteyPlastic) May 18, 2020
Aggressive kindness at its best
— Daniel Chesick (@tweetfrommaseat) May 18, 2020
— Boi (@RandomGuyXoXo) May 18, 2020
God why can’t I find nice people like that on Grindr. All I get are bots and aggresive pieces of shit.
— Remix (@RemixRaveAD) May 18, 2020
Date him anyway. You’ll figure something out.
— Yachirobi (@yachirobi) May 18, 2020
i’m voting him for president
— (@InGoddamnMilk) May 18, 2020
hope he found his top
— Luke (@patheticowboy) May 18, 2020
Dude wish him the best
— El cerillo (@Ramirogodofpar1) May 17, 2020
We hope both of these bottoms found their tops, and that they all live happily ever after.
Tardio13
What a devastation that these two men could not have had a completely different experience if the we were not so engrossed in this “Top and/or Bottom” world. A perfectly missed magical union right there. Instead they’re continuing being vacuous bottoms with a search and conqueror mentality looking for another nameless “top” to load them up!
pharaon.em.joe
No and no. It does sound though like the projection of your bitter past or your present.
LilMesican
A beautiful moment when two members of the suppressed Bottom minority find each other in a sea of oppressive, domineering, and cold Tops. This is a story for Hallmark.
pharaon.em.joe
Bottom minority? What an oxymoron
barryaksarben
There would be no tops without bottoms. I think it says terrible things about anyone who denigrates bottoms. It shows disrespect for the feminine without which none of us would be here. I am vers and enjoy both and respect both but I dont do anything with anyone who disrespects either. It take two and if you find soomeone be glad
Aires the Ram
@barryaksarben: You said: “It shows disrespect for the feminine without which none of us would be here”. Yes, nobody should show disrespect for bottoms, but how does either ‘showing’ respect for bottoms or ‘showing disrespect’ for bottoms equal something remotely feminine. I’ve topped & bottomed and various times in my life, and when a hot guy with a hard *&^ is fu&^k*&ng you, it don’t get too much more masculine than that, on both sides of the fence. I know, in ‘traditional’ societies, the bottoms are seen as the submissives and therefore feminine, and tops are just straight guys getting a nut, but I think most of us can agree that when two guys have sex with each other, there’s not much, if any femininity in the whole matter.
TheAbsoluteTRUTH
Know whats worse, being forced into bottom-ville because our loving creator gave u a small wang, and whats even worse than that you ask? Seeing people advertise themselves as hung bottoms ( not verse just bottom)
1898
yeah i never really understood the whole hung bottom thing, the ones who advertise their size and send you a bunch of unsolicited d pics. like… are you a bottom or not?
also confusing, the tops who identify themselves as “100% total top” and then add the line “hung to the front of the line”
(also, what line? if there was a line you wouldn’t be on grindr 24/7 lol)
Inspector 57
I love bottoming. And I learned years ago that a top with a “small wang” could be just as enjoyable as a “hung” dude.
Matter of fact, prob’ly more enjoyable.
Mark Behar
“Empowering”? How is this empowering?
“Empowering CHAT”? This is NOT a chat!
“That’s how the straights kept us down for a hundred years.”?? Tops and bottoms are sexual position choices, not the newest gender or sexual identities.
The reason for bottoming vs being versatile may not just be a “small wang” that TheAbsoluteTRUTH speaks of in the comment section. Most men as we get older develop or have chronic medical problems like obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, hypertension, depression, anxiety. (Notice, I did not mention HIV!) Many of the medications used for treating these disorders can adversely effect your penis’ ability to get and stay hard! That on top of the lowering level of testosterone that coincides with aging. So there are lots of reasons for the plethora of “bottoms” especially as men get older.
Absent from the initial GRINDR “chat” was a continuation of the dialog. Unless all they both were interested in was finding a top to have sex with. I didn’t think this was very empowering or enlightening. It was a potential opening for continued discussion, which seemed conspicuously absent!
WashDrySpin
Straights are not the ones keeping the rhetoric of “top or bottom” in play…this completely belongs to the gay community. We are the ones that use it either as an term of empowerment or a term of ridicule.
Let’s just be honest about this!!!
1898
absolutely true, vast majority of straight people have no idea what top/bottom means. the openminded ones eventually work up the courage to ask their gay friends to explain it to them
theafricanwiththemouth
You fukcing dolts! do you even try to understand properly or just pick whatever you like and run with it?
The statement isn’t meant to imply that straights use the top or bottom terms to keep us down. Instead he’s referring to a much larger issue of gay men having to apologize and or try their best to fit into Heteronormative lifestyle in order to appease the straights or gain their approval.
Trying to apologize or hide for being who you are! Gay, femme, Or whatever that doesn’t fit into hetero culture.
He referenced a larger, more historical issue of gays being over apologetic to straights for generally being themselves and related it a to their exchange.
Nowhere did he imply that straights specifically, were the ones keeping the “top or bottom rhetoric in play”, Ugh!! That was basically all you (and your confused agreers)
Aires the Ram
@WashDrySpin: Once again, no matter the sexual “position” one prefers, why is one ’empowering’, and one worthy of ‘ridicule’?
1898
@theafricanwiththemouth – thank you for explaining that to us in a way that is kind, thoughtful, and helpful. you truly are doing your bit to educate and empower our community.
baggins435
The straights are not the ones dividing us, it is ourselves. Top/bottom, masc/fem, muscle/bear/twink, daddy/boy, and whatever the hell else we label each other/ourselves as. The first question is “what are you?” Quickly followed by “How big?” I’m gay and I don’t give a flying “F” about fashion, celebrities, interior decorating or how hung you are. No one wants to meet and get to know each other before discussing the “details.” And, if you actually care about the person you’re with, you’ll work out the “details.” I’ve had a hairy chest since I was a 125# 16 year old. That was a loooong time ago and I don’t identify as a “daddy” or a “bear”. The hook-up culture was forced on us by society persecuting us over the centuries and us not being able to be open, but we persist in holding onto it even as we are, slowly, getting our equality. That is on us. I swear sometimes we are our own worst enemy.
Mundo
Bien dicho.
Kangol2
@baggins, I think the kind respondent meant “straights” kept gay/LGBTQ people down, not tops and bottoms. It’s implied by the full statement he makes.
Anti-gay and anti-LGBT oppression spanned more than “a hundred” years too, including in the US, and is still ongoing, but the LGBTQ history lesson is for another day.
jonasalden
You know what else is funny? I either don’t know or haven’t decided “what I am” in this respect. I suspect it depends on the other guy, what mood I’M in, etc. But more than anything, a slight aversion to anal sex in general. But only slight, and only in my mind. Truth is, I’ve only tried it a couple of times anyway. What I love is PERFORMING oral while wanking. What do you call THAT?
Aires the Ram
@jonasalden: You state that you don’t really know what you are yet, in regards to all these labels. What you’re really saying, is that you see the so-called “gay community” forcing you to choose sides in the sexuality department. You must label yourself as “this” or “that” or “the other thing”, to satisfy the so-called “gay communities” continued hunger to label themselves and push themselves into these convenient little boxes regarding their sexuality. Those ‘boxes’ are in reality, prisons.
So how about this, instead of trying to “decide” “what” you “are”, why not make it much simpler? Why not accept the fact that your were born a man, you like sex, and your case most likely with other men, and leave it at that? You can discover what you like, sexually, by going through life and trying different things with different guys, and then you will know. But after you both get your rocks off, no matter how you do it, you both are still one simple thing, Men. You’re not a bottom or a top, you’re not a girl, you’re not superman, you are a Man, among the larger species of men, who just so happens to like sex, and who just so happens to like sex best, with other men. That’s all. That’s all the description you need for yourself, and that’s all any others need to know.
C_Alan
Bottom 2 was not apologizing for being himself in the first place. Not even close. He said “sorry” only because he was acknowledging that bottom 1 might be disappointed that he’s not a top. That’s it folks.
MISTERJETT
yeah, that’s the impression i got.
Aires the Ram
@C_Alan: You said: “acknowledging that bottom 1 might be disappointed that he’s not a top”. Yes, you are right, but this is what I mean about homosexual guys pidgin holing themselves in these oh-so-convenient little boxes. “I just “told him” I was a bottom so he wouldn’t be “disappointed” is pretty sad.
I’ve been a homosexual man since I can remember, since I was in school and couldn’t figure out why I was fascinated with other boys and didn’t give a rats ass about girls. It continued of course, right into adulthood, to today. That being said, I’m way down the road further than many of you, and I’ve had the pleasure of having sex with a good number of guys in my time. When I’ve been a bottom in certain periods of my life, I had sex with both bottoms and tops, when I’ve been a top in certain periods of my life, I’ve had sex with both bottoms and tops. Given that, throughout many years of having sex with guys, no matter who liked it this way or that way, whether we were opposites or were similar, we always figured out how to have a good time sexually. This defies all these stupid labels and boxes that so many guys put themselves into, and it limits the types of sexual experiences that they will have. That is sad, because sex is a very fun thing, that can and does get enjoyed by guys in a thousand different ways. Cut the frigging labels and boxes! Just go out there and find guys you like, not based on labels, and see what happens. It’s fine to like it in the back side, but that doesn’t define you. It’s fine to like to stick it in a hole, but that doesn’t define you. Just enjoy the sex, enjoy the male camaraderie, enjoy the men.
ElPillo
@ c-Allan Agreed! At the end neither got what they liked and wanted; end of story. @aires the ram. “Piqdging holing themselves”? Those who don’t like vaginas, are they also pidging holing themselves and missing a whole beautiful world of straight sex? I’m happy you are accommodating, not everyone is, it’s not their thing.
Gay Thomas
They can both come over. I’ll accommodate.
sillyme
I think it was well written and none the less was great to see 2 bottoms there talking and asking so get over the problems of yourselves and deal with the fact that bottoms are still in need and I’m a happy bottom and have no problem being such, just some people have to toss in their 2 cents in and how pissy they are over things because they aren’t getting much of any action. So lets let them bleed their hearts out and cry foul on the “Terms” that they don’t like and have them NOT dictate to anyone else for them being miserable misfits.
Aires the Ram
In reading through the comments here, one statement by baggins435 sticks out to me. He said: “I swear sometimes we are our own worst enemy.” I could not agree more, as what I see in most of these comments are the continuation and acceptance of all of the various and sundry labels we call each other. These labels do nothing to make us better men. We separate ourselves from the larger brotherhood of Men when we think of ourselves as some persecuted minority, some sub-group, of men at large. A great disservice is done when we do that to ourselves. We are men who are born men, with a dick and a set of balls, and there’s no reason to separate ourselves from men at large. Yeah, what turns us on sexually is on the homosexual side of the Kinsey Scale somewhere, while other men are on the opposite side of the Kinsey Scale somewhere, but are we really different than them? I think not. But I think that when we ghettoize ourselves still, in this day in age, we do ourselves a disservice. We’re men, there’s a lot of good about being men (not to denigrate females, there’s a lot of good about them, but just in different ways). I for one, celebrate being a man. I do not celebrate “gay pride”, being a “bottom” or being a “top”, or any number of descriptors relating to what I like in the department of sex.