In the world of gay love, lust, and hook-ups, a few things are certain: There’ll be good guys, bad boys, and an abundance of Grindr clichés–lines so many of us have come to loathe and the guys who still insist on using them.
Every so often, one with Whites only in his profile hits me up, and it never ceases to disarm me. Then there are those who write No racism before listing every type they don’t want. Clearly contradictory and hypocrisy live next door to horny.
The three convene most frequently in profiles with pictures of landscapes, animals, headless torsos, or feet (a favorite in Eastern Europe), and a warning: No pic = No chat.
Related: Rapper Le1f shares disgustingly racist Grindr screenshots
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Sometimes people “tap” me, although they’ve written No taps in their profiles. I have no idea why anyone objects to harmless “taps,” but if you’re going to publicly denounce them, at least respect reciprocity enough not to use them.
The last time I called out someone for damning “taps” but “tapping” me anyway, he arrogantly responded, Yes, that’s just one of the paradoxes that makes me special.
Um, not so special. Boys, if you’re reading, do us all a favor and banish the following from your Grindr game. Maybe you won’t have to be up all night to get lucky anymore.
Looking for?
This is arguably Grindr’s signature query, and I’m convinced it annoys most everyone who isn’t desperately seeking a quickie. Guys ask even when it’s already answered in the “I’m Looking For” section of your profile. I take it further and make it the theme of “About me”:
looking for: a guy so handsome, so interesting, so kind, that I’ll want to look at him, talk to him, kiss him, and eventually, not immediately, have sex with him. a guy who, after he’s satisfied his curiosity about me, will actually want to see me again.
Clearly that’s not clear enough for some. I still have to ask because some guys lie in their profiles, boys occasionally respond when I call them out.
Rather than assuming your potential next hook-up is a liar, why not make the first move? Don’t ask, tell. I wouldn’t rule out meeting up with a cute guy who immediately makes it clear he just wants to screw, but never have I ever given the time of day (or night) to anyone who’s asked, Looking for?. He usually just wants to screw, too, but he’s doesn’t have the guts to come out and say so.
No pic = No chat
I’m not finished with this one. The aforementioned faceless guys aren’t the only ones who overuse it to frustrating effect. I’ve now read No pic = No chat in so many profiles with Insta-filtered face pics that I roll my eyes just as hard at them. It comes across as haughty and kind of beyotch-y, like they consider themselves the grand prize, and we must heed their rules to win it.
Look, it’s perfectly reasonable to want a face to go with that Hey. But if the words in the profile pique our interest, it takes only a few seconds to ask for one. Instead of potentially turning off guys who do show their faces (and not deterring ones who don’t from messaging anyway), why not exercise the delete/block option and leave ultimatums out of it? They’re so unsexy.
Top or bottom?
I know for a fact that I’m not alone in my hatred of this Grindr staple. I understand why it’s vital info to some, but do we even have to ask? Grindr profiles have a “Position” line where that information typically appears, so why go through the motions?
Just double-checking?? Seriously? In my experience, guys who are that obsessed with sexual positions usually aren’t that interested in foreplay, yet they expect to get a rise out of you just by showing up.
Into?
When someone pops this question, I don’t get mad, I get sarcastic.
Writing, running, watching documentaries on YouTube…
Sometimes, they laugh and come clean:
I know it’s a lame question, but I’m just making conversation.
Oh, for the good old days when “making conversation” was all about “What do you do?”!
More pics?/Hot pics?/XXX?
Nobody likes a pic collector. I know. I’ve done the survey. Well, actually, I haven’t, but I have commiserated with plenty of guys who hate them as much as I do. I’ve also had people berate me for requesting a face pic before saying “Hello,” and then they ask me to show my c*ck.
There are plenty of guys willing to share nudes. I’m not one of them. But if you remain undecided after the fifth head shot, it’s time to move on to the next guy on the grid.
Hung?
I refuse to believe that there is anyone in the civilized gay world who doesn’t realize how tacky this is. And like No. 5, the ones most likely to ask are the ones least likely to reveal anything about themselves (like what their faces look like).
Straight acting
We’ve all gotten the memo: You can’t give blowjobs and consider yourself “straight acting.” Yet so many delusional boys continue to think they’re perfectly “straight-acting” as long as they remember to put “man” at the end of every other sentence. Sorry, man, if you’re on Grindr, you’re as “gay-acting” as they come.
Related: This heartfelt Grindr review is the best thing you’ll read all week
PinkoOfTheGange
This is one of the better Grinder pieces that Queerty has posted.
Jeremy gets a star (any color but gold).
mhoffman953
I don’t see what’s wrong with these questions
Luc
Me either TBH. Well, with some of them anyway. I’m not getting on Grindr to chat with random guys about pop culture, or the weather. Sorry guys! Like most guys on Grindr, I believe, I get on there looking for Mr Right Now. Or perhaps just seeing who is around me. But if I want to make small talk, it isn’t going to happen there. Most guys get the script – “hi, nice pic, you looking, into, yes I can host.” Hahah!!!
Prax07
True that no one seems to read actual profiles beyond looking at your picture. I have a fully filled out profile and always get guys asking if I want hook up, asking what I’m looking for, asking if I’m a bottom or top, yet all that exact info is right there in my profile. It seems guys today just can’t read.
Jaxton
Well, gay-identifying men are full of cliches. Have you forgotten that the act of identifying as gay is a stereotype in itself?
You’ve fallen for the same old pattern of behavior. Individuality is lacking. You’re like robots marching to the same beat, looking at the same apps…and suffering from a complete lack of inspiration.
Donston
You’ve likely spent most your adult life looking for “straight guys” to hook up. But you’re trying to hint that unabashedly gay men are pathetic? Hetero worship and resenting all men who are straightforward and unembarrassed about their passions, desires and romantic interests being mostly or entirely with their same gender- that is a gay stereotype. In fact, it might be THE gay stereotype. It’s amazing how little self-awareness you contain.
DCguy
It’s funny when anti-LGBT trolls expose themselves as straight people trolling this site.
Sweetie, if you’re talking about lgbts and you ARE one, the rest of us would say “We” not “You’re”.
Sorry bout it. Now please tell the RNC or Putin to send better trolls, you’re really not great at this.
chris33133
Not everyone I know dislikes these questions; and those of us who do, simply ignore them.
Jack Meoff
It’s just laziness that makes people ask those questions despite the info being provided on your profile. They can’t think of an original opening remark so they use these same tired openers because they are safe and reveal nothing about themselves or their intentions. It is pure deflection that puts the ball in your court and protects them from humiliation if you reject them or don’t respond. Most peoples social skills (even on social media) are severely lacking and if they had decent social skills they probably wouldn’t be trawling social media they would be out IRL being social.
Luc
Some of those things are irritating, like the “no pic no chat” when they have no picture. I mean, obviously that person is an @4sh0le.
But some of the things mentioned in this article are probably only frustrating for people who are logging into Grindr hoping that it will be something other than what it is. Grindr, at its core, is still a hookup app. It’s a sleeker, younger version of the (recently closed forever) M4M section of Craigslist.
So when you get irritated that other users CLEARLY didn’t read your profile, or simply don’t care what it says, and roll your eyes when they ask if you are “looking” and what you are “into”, you should know that those users are not the problem. Your expectations are the problem. Don’t like it? Get on Tindr. Try Match, or POF. You know, something less intended for quickie gay hookups.
Creamsicle
I like this piece, but only because it did not turn out to be a stealth ad for a different hookup app, like I kept expecting it to be.
Kangol
Some of these questions seem OK, others a bit intrusive or annoying.
Far more troubling is how, according to a Buzzfeed report today that cybersecurity experts confirmed, Grindr is allegedly sharing people’s HIV status with advertisers!
Quote: Because the HIV information is sent together with users’ GPS data, phone ID, and email, it could identify specific users and their HIV status, according to Antoine Pultier, a researcher at the Norwegian nonprofit SINTEF, which first identified the issue.
“The HIV status is linked to all the other information. That’s the main issue,” Pultier told BuzzFeed News. “I think this is the incompetence of some developers that just send everything, including HIV status.”
kurt_t
I swear every time I read a post about the Grindr, I feel like Gay Rip Van Winkle.
NateOcean
I like the chat question “generous?”
To which I reply, “I’ve got 8-inches, is that generous enough”?
radiooutmike
It is, indeed.
chris33133
One almost might say that you give till it hurts.