Everyone Who Works For British Airways Is A Closet Bisexual

Some British blokes invited Queerty contributor Daniel Villarreal to walk in the London Pride parade over the weekend. He’s going to share part of his adventure with you for the tax write-off.

Even though the ticketing agent couldn’t upgrade my Dallas to London seat from “World Traveller Plus” to “Club World” like I had hoped, the good people of British Airways still provided a choice seat between a blonde DILF and a tattooed man with a package so large that I could see his bulge by just glancing over. I told the DILF that I wanted to avoid jet lag by getting some sleep on the flight; he agreed and told me his preferred method — getting absolutely shitfaced (or “pissed” as the Brits call it). I decided to follow his lead and drank four bottles of rosé and six nips of vodka in about three hours. As Cabaret began playing on my personal TV, I decided to break the seal and bypassed the peach-fuzzed twink waiting for the throne in the plane’s midsection to pee in the tail section. There I caught my flight attendant stocking alcohol into a stowaway bin of the steward’s galley as two of his coworkers sat nearby.

I commended him for taking such good care of us with the copious amounts of alcohol. “Most American flight attendants won’t do that,” I said “because we Americans will just get air rage and end up attacking them once they decide to cut us off.”

“You don’t seem like that sort,” he said.

“There’s still five hours in the flight,” I said.

He smiled and left to go serve some customers and I lingered in the galley. The two other stewards asked about me and I told them I was a gay journalist coming to cover London Pride and “the seedy underbelly” of queer London. They responded favorably and so I felt bold enough to compliment our steward once again and then ask, “Is he gay?”

“Oh yeah,” the cheeky brunette stewardess* said. “Why? Do you want to take him in the loo for a shag? We can guard the door.”

“Haha, no thanks,” I responded. “He’s cute but not my type.”

When my steward came back, I confirmed his gayness, asked his age (44), whether he had a boyfriend (he did, of seven years), and when he came out (age 14).

“14??!” I said. “Bloody ‘ell. I didn’t come out until 21.”

I asked him about his coming out. He said he recognized his homosexuality early on, got a boyfriend in middle school and had very supportive parents.

“That’s great,” I said. Then I told him that I had dated women until my junior year in college in an attempt to make myself straight and pure in the eyes of the Lord. When I finally came out, my mother freaked out and told me I’d become the next Matthew Shepard — she came around to her senses several years later.

Then I kneeled down next to the brunette stewardess who had been politely listening — legs crossed and nibbling on a salad — and asked her when she came out.

“Come out?” she asked incredulously.

“As a heterosexual,” I said. “I don’t mean to offend or label you, I just assumed that you were.”

“Oh,” she laughed. “Yes, I am. All my life.”

“And your husband…?” I asked, pointing to her ring.

“We’ve been married seven months.”

“Newlyweds!” I exclaimed, “Congratubortions! Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?”


“Have you ever had a lesbian experience?”

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  • bisexualinwashiongton

    Out as a bisexual for the last 20+ years.
    It is rough to be an out bi. Gay lovers fear you will find that perfect hetero lover, and strait lovers freak out that you have had teh gay secs and by default you probably have AIDS.

    We get accused of being promiscuious, yet we can’t get laid if a person knows your orientation, so we rarely get laid. Kinda screwy that….We are just as capable of maintaining a monogamous relationship. It is no diferant than you or the housewife down the road deciding that fucking the pool boy (same pool boy, he is bi…LOL) might not be good for your relationship.

    We face discrimination from both our gay lovers and strait lovers. Treated as second class members in the LGBT. No where in our society outside of swingers circles are bisexuals valued and accepted as is. And that sucks, basicaly it is society telling us our worth is solely bassed on our use as sexual partners and objects.

    I have had a dyke friend once tell me while drunk that she loved penis but hated the men it came attached to. Also she admited to clandestine sex with men on occasion, yet she adamantly maintained she was not bisexual. And I have had a very close dear friend (gay dude) tell me while drunk that he doesn’t mind some pussy on occasion but he doesn’t want to risk having a female fall in love with him and he didn’t want his circle of friends discovering he has had sex with a girl. That could hurt his social standing in his circle of gay friends. So here we have two bisexuals who bassicaly refuse to come out. Gotta love liquer. :)

    Is it any wonder so few people are willing to come out as bisexual? When you are pretty much gaurentied to be othered?

    Like I said, I have been openly bisexual for over 20 years. Most of the time I feel like I am the only person with the guts to be truely out. I feel like I am alone in the trenches.

    Do the cause a favor, if you are really bi please come out. It doesn’t mean you need to start dating women. (or men) It just means you are being honest. How about a simple “I am bisexual but I prefer relationships with…(insert prefered lovers gender.)”

  • concernedcitizen

    interesting read, though I agree, I personally am like the gay stewardess who came out at fourteen, I’ve always known and as far back as I can remember have only been attracted to men.

  • Lawrence

    “Stewardess” is used instead of “female flight attendant” for the sake of brevity and clarity. And to be sexist.”

    That made the article! hahaha

  • robert

    @Lawrence: such political incorrectness – the term you’re supposed to be using is ‘cabin crew’

  • William

    Out of curiosity, did you ever make it off the plane, or was this just the best part of the trip?

  • j

    Hahah! Whoever this guy is queerty, he’s a keeper ;)

  • L.

    If this is what we get for him having been to London Pride, I wonder what we’d get if he was sent to report on the Flood?

  • Franklyn Miller

    Very interesting article. However, just a small minor correction.

    British Airways calls their First Class cabin simply “First” not “Club World” as it states in the last paragraph. Club World is their Business Class. World Traveler Plus is Premium Economy and World Traveler is Economy.

  • concernedcitizen

    oops freudian slip, my comment should read “gay steward” not stewardess : )

  • L.

    @Franklyn Miller: I believe it was meant that BA’s business class offered first-class service.

  • Kevin46

    Just a little tip next time you fly…..Don’t EVER linger in the galley, and certainly don’t interrupt the crew while they are eating. Believe me, no matter how many words of unsolicited wisdom you may be offering, nothing irritates a crew more.

  • Dome

    This is utterly stupid. Trying out sex, hell even having successful, orgasmic sex with a member of the same sex does not mean that you are gay or bi. It is well-documented that many if not most straight men and women experience some type of same-sex sexual attraction at least once in their lives, homosexuality or bisexuality refers to a persistent state of same-sex or both-sex attraction, one fucking college experiment a bisexual does not make.

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