Ex-Gays Maintain They’re Not Lying to Themselves, World Disagrees

After Governor Jerry Brown passed a ban on so-called gay conversion therapy on minors, the ex-gay community (i.e., a bunch of dudes with Jesus issues) has been up in arms, fearing the lies they’ve been telling themselves (and paying shady therapists a sizable sum to corroborate) are now somehow invalidated.

The New York Times profiled a few of these men who are “fighting back against the view that homosexuality can’t be changed.”

One of them is Mark Smith, who said for most of his life, “every inch of my body craved male sexual contact.” That didn’t stop him from entering into a marriage of 17 years, during which he “fought his urges all day” and “dreamed about them all night.”

But because his religion does not agree with homosexuality, Smith spent years of counseling and attending men’s “weekend retreats” (with asinine, affirmative names like “People Can Change” and ”Journey Into Manhood”),  to “cure” himself.

Smith, claiming that his “homosexual feelings have nearly vanished,” parlayed his newfound heterosexuality into another marriage eight years ago with a woman as delusional as he is.

Apparently there are thousands of “ex-gays” around the country – almost exclusively men who believe they have changed their basest, innate sexual proclivities and desires through a combination of prayer and therapy – though scientists argue that this is impossible and merely an illusion.

Reparative therapy has also been debunked not only by the American Psychiatric Association, but by the father of reparative therapy, Dr. Robert L. Spitzer, who publicly repudiated his own 2001 study that has been widely cited by defenders of gay conversion.

Also, this summer, Alan Chambers, the president of Exodus International, the largest Christian ministry for people fighting the scourge of homosexuality, admitted that it was a futile fight after all.

When he signed the gay conversion therapy ban in September, Gov. Brown noted that these “nonscientific ‘therapies’” have “driven young people to depression and suicide.” However, the Times found a man who argues the opposite: that if he had had gay conversion therapy as a teen, he “could have avoided a lot of depression, self-hatred and suicidal thoughts.”

That man is Aaron Bitzer, who was so incensed with the new law that he hopped aboard a lawsuit challenging the ban as unconstitutional. After a few of those infamous men’s retreats and an online course in reparative therapy, Bitzer, who was, according to the Times, “tormented as a Christian teenager by his homosexual attractions,”  now feels “glimmers of attraction” to women and is thinking about dating.

Bitzer is also planning on seeking a doctorate in psychology, so as to become a therapist himself.

There’s nothing wrong with doing what makes you happy (orwhat you think will make you happy), but don’t try and get other people to buy into your harmful bullshit.  Gay conversion was born out of the guilt and self-hate homosexuals are forced into believing by religious extremists who use the Bible as a weapon. The law in California was an important step in stamping this pseudoscience out of existence.

Photo: Parents and Friends of ExGays and Gays

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  • tazz602

    As a person that tried this route because of my religious beliefs, out of all the people I knew that were trying to change, not ONE was successful. The torture and pain comes not from being gay, but from the self hatred inflicted because of the emotional and spiritual abuse by the Church.

  • Cam

    Madonna and Lady Gaga have both said that because they have bleached their hair for years, they are now natural blondes, because they have changed their bodies natural inclinations from brunette to blond.

    But of course they won’t let you look at the roots.

    Whatever story these ex-gays have to tell themselves to deal with their pathology of self hate gives them no right to try to suck others into the mix by claiming it is actual therapy.

    Their money would be better spent wondering why the people in their religion spend so much time worrying about gay issues that Christ never spoke about and yet don’t seem to have a problem with Divorce which Christ Specifically prohibited.

  • smkovalinsky

    I think the fact that one would have to go through years of reparative therapy is a sign that well enough should be left alone. I also think it likely that most women would not want a man who spent years attracted to other men, and had to embark on a long, grueling process in order to learn to be attracted to women.

    I would rather have such a man as a happy, gay male friend who was proud of himself and in tune with his own nature. No good comes of trying to be something diametrically opposed to one’s own deepest impulses.

    Jesus of Nazareth was a hater of hypocrisy and illusions. It is clear to me at least from extensive study of his teachings that he would rather have a decent human being be gay than a twisted and constrained one posing as heterosexual.

    In rare cases person might feel homosexual attractions as part of a broader psychological illness: These would pass when the other complexes cleared up. Ex-Gay therapy does not speak to gays or inform them in any meaningful way.

  • JOHN 1957

    To thyself be true. This is really twisted and sick that people would let themselves be subjected or others to this kind of physical and mental torture because their different. But why such self hatred? What makes straight life so wonderful? NOTHING! Been there, done that, hated it! We can do anything and everything heterosexual people do and better. They are no better and in many cases even worse, living in their glass houses. Religion is based on folklore and stories that been passed down by the centuries, edited and distorted to manipulate and control man, unproven to be fact. I believe one of the problems is stereotyping. People love stereotyping others regardless if it’s race, creed, color or sex. We even have it amongst our own peers. How many gay men think they are better because they are tops and down bottoms? How many masculine gay men look down on the ones who are not? Unbelievable as it may seem we have homophobia even amongst ourselves as gay men and women. I’ve seen and met many straight men that were very effeminate and the opposite with women and yet they were 100% heterosexual. Leaves one scratching their heads.

    I counseled women for a long time and many stated how they did their husbands and or boyfriends on a regular basis with two headed strap ons and what a wonderful sex life they had. What we do in the bedroom with another consenting adult makes us neither less nor more of a person. We need to work on our relationships with ourselves and with our peers, young and mature alike. The younger crowd seems to forget that the older gays have been here and done that and have a lot of experience on a lot of levels from A to Z, so lets show some respect. Hopefully one day if they be blessed and get there, they too will reach retirement age and have their own life stories to contribute to the generation coming up behind them, hopefully it will have some wisdom and good advice.

    Mankind still has a lot of growing up and evolving to do as a whole. Unfortunately man unites only when we have a disaster be it natural or manmade like 911 or Hurricane Sandy, sadly enough down the line he forgets and goes right back to their old childish ways. Disasters are not bigoted, they go after anything and anyone that’s in their path. What will it take us to learn? The time here is lent and very short for some, let’s stop wasting it on bull manure.

  • MK Ultra

    yeah…..just like there are lots of paranois schizophrenics out there that do’t believe there’s something wrong with them.
    Both are sick, and possibely a danger to themselves or society. Mental illness needs to be treated by a professional, not some dangerous, untrained, unprofessional quack who got his degree from the online “university” of Krazy Khris chan Kwacks and uses discredited and dangerous toture techniques both physical and mental, not to treat but to manipulate a victim.
    After all, none is arguing that paranoid schizophrenics just pray away their illness…except maybe scientology -a n even more dangerous cult.
    “EX gays” need somone with real qualifications, who will guide them through the process of reconciling their religios identity with their sexual one.

  • Ogre Magi

    I am soooooo sick of christians and all their crap

  • Billysees

    @Cam: Re 2, “Madonna and…

    Well said.

  • HLanse

    As a survivor of a cult that tried to convert LGBT people, I can assure you that self-haters are brilliant at fooling themselves. My book ERASING REASON: INSIDE AESTHETIC REALISM – A CULT THAT TRIED TO TURN QUEER PEOPLE STRAIGHT provides ample evidence that conversion claims are bogus.

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