Workplace woes

Family nanny loves her job, hates her fatphobic, homophobic boss–Now what?!

A family nanny in Tampa has found herself in a rather precarious situation, so she’s turning to Dear Abby for help.

Her letter begins:

I am a full-time nanny for a family with two children, ages 7 and 9. The mother is wonderful, and so are the kids. But the father, who is absent due to work travel most of the time, teaches his children attitudes I strongly disagree with.

Specifically, the nanny says, the father says “hateful things about people who are gay, obese or poor.”

To make matters worse, his kids have begun repeating what their dad has been telling them, “pointing out large people when we are in public, or saying nasty things about the homeless we see as we drive.”

According to the nanny, the mother is “mortified” by what’s going on, yet she doesn’t do anything to correct the situation.

“She works a lot and isn’t around to discuss things like this with her kids in the moment,” the nanny writes.

Now she wonders: “[Am I] overstepping my boundaries by admonishing them for saying things their father has taught them to believe? Is it my place to teach the kids lessons about acceptance that are contrary to what he tells them?”

That definitely sounds like an awkward situation. Unfortunately, Abby doesn’t seem to have much advice for the woman.

“The person to whom you should be addressing this question is the children’s mother,” she writes in her response. “Whether I think teaching the children compassion and tolerance is the right thing to do (which, by the way, I do) is not relevant.”

Ultimately, Abby says, “you should abide by her wishes because she is your employer.”

Really, Abby? All these years as an advice columnist and that’s all you’ve got to offer?!

What do you think this poor nanny should do? Share your advice in the comments below…

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6 Comments

  • Herman75

    Poor, poor nanny…..but there is a march at Pershing Square in LA tomorrow. I guess Queerty will tell us about it when it’s over……….or not.

    Eyes on Chechnya.

  • mhoffman953

    Why doesn’t she just quit?

    A nanny shouldn’t be giving her own beliefs on someone else’s children. Just imagine if the roles were reversed and it was a gay couple and the nanny tried to espouse some beliefs on the children.

    Instead of quitting, she’ll just sit there and complain

    • startenout

      If the hypothetical nanny is teaching them to hate people, then she is wrong too. If the hypothetical gay couple is teaching their kids that hetero people are deviant and hated in the eyes of God, then I’d support a nanny who wanted to tell them that it wasn’t true, just the same as in those real scenario.

      People hire nannies to raise their children for them and teaching them what they value as right and wrong while the parents aren’t involved is part of that package. If the nanny in question here feels that the mother agreed with her, then she should definitely ask. If she’s not sure, she can still pretend she hasn’t noticed the fathers prejudices and admonish the children for their behavior when they’re on her time.

  • KaiserVonScheiss

    She should keep her mouth shut or find a new family.

    And what is ‘fatphobic’? It what is it with this body positivity nonsense?

    I’m not saying you should be an ass and ridicule fat people because that’s rude, but being obese is not healthy.

    I know this because I am obese. I’m obese because I’ve made bad lifestyle choices. I’ve since tried to improve my lifestyle choices. I’ve quit smoking, I exercise 3-4 days a week, and I’m on a diet.

    I’ve lost about 100 pound and feel much better. I used wear a 4X shirt, and now I’m nearly down to an XL.

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