Jake McPherson (above) has opened up about what it was like to be disowned by his father for being gay…at 56 years old.
McPherson, now 57, always knew his dad held staunchly antigay views, but he still wasn’t prepared for the phone call he received from his 90-year-old dad in January of this year.
In an op-ed for HuffPo, he recalls: “When I answered, he told me, ‘It’s about this homosexuality. Your mother and I can’t condone that. You are not to contact us in any way ever again.'”
“My heart was pounding harder than I imagined was possible,” McPherson continues. “My vision blurred. I felt like I was being physically attacked. Before the call ended, my father added, ‘Am I making myself perfectly clear?’ I told him he was and hung up.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
As a kid, McPherson remembers being acutely aware of his father’s homophobia, like his dad’s unwavering support for ’70s singer-turned-antigay-activist Anita Bryant. So he retreated into the closet and did his best to conform. He married a woman, had two children, and tried to shut out his truth with alcohol.
But when he was 35, McPherson decided it was time to be honest with himself and his wife. She responded lovingly throughout their separation, and he “began the work of cleaning up [his] messy life.” They decided not to tell the kids until they were older.
Three years later, McPherson came out to his mother, and assumed she told his father. His relationship with his parents remained stable, and life went on. McPherson now believes that his father only found out recently, on Facebook of all places.
And while that phone call was a blow unlike any other, McPherson writes that he’s also been amazed at the love and support he’s received since from his friends and family.
“Ultimately, my children have been the key to beginning to heal,” he writes. “This experience has made it clear that I have a relationship with each of them that cannot be broken by anything my parents have done or may do in the future.”
Cam
I’m confused. So he thought his mom told his dad 20 or so years ago and didn’t know she hadn’t? It seems like it would have come up before now.
His father sounds like the kind of person who is horrible to everybody then wonders why they’re alone later in life.
Chrisk
She knew what she married and apparently still wanted a relationship with her son. Lots of older couples stay in crappy marriages and love doesn’t have a thing to do with it.
I hope the whole family alienates the miserable POS so he can die alone in his hate.
radiooutmike
They say that with age comes wisdom.
The father is not wise. I can’t imagine him being 90 and being so full of piss and vinegar that you can’t even accept your son. WTF
david_warner
Blood my be thicker than water, but sometimes it’s way more toxic. Looks to me like he outgrew his hateful father a long time ago. Cut your losses and move on.
johnnymcmxxx
Blood is not thicker than water. Any toxic relationship, even if it’s from parents or children, needs to go out with the rest of the trash. They no longer qualify as family. He is now free from the poison. Bye f*ckers.
Onecaddy13
It’s sad that he had to hide his feelings and lost many years of his life by getting married and having kids just to appease the old goat. I hope he can forget the trauma his father caused for so many years but he has children that I believe adore him as he stated they’re helping in the healing process. Be happy, and let your miserable father continue to be miserable. At his age, he won’t be changing his tune towards homosexuality anytime soon. Good luck …
Lobeskc
When I was young, my dad told me that he didn’t condone my “lifestyle” and that I should move to San Fran. Well I went on to meet my current partner/now husband. We’ve made it 30 years as a couple. At our wedding 5 years ago, my father cried and told me how proud he was of me. It meant more than any gay man can imagine. I hope that this 90 year doesn’t take his resentment to his grave. Best of luck!
hotdogla
Thanks for sharing, this makes me very happy, to know that perhaps it can happen to me. 🙂
DarkZephyr
If I had been him and I got that phone call I would have said “Dad…Shady Pines.”
James
PUT THOSE UGLY OLD LOSERS IN A COUNTY NURSING HOME. FORGET THEM.
Toofie
90 year old staring at the end of his life does this to his son? Son’s better off not dealing with that.
scotty
i guess Will Rogers never met that guy.