Famed advice columnist Dear Abby has offered up a bit of advice to a woman who has discovered her fiancé is a homophobe.
“About a year ago, my fiance of six years revealed that he doesn’t think homosexuality is normal or right,” the woman, identified as “More Accepting in Calfornia,” writes. “I was shocked because he had never mentioned it before, nor did I see any signs that he thought that way. We’ve gone to Pride celebrations, and we both have gay relatives and friends.”
“He doesn’t want our future children to be influenced by gay people on TV and doesn’t want me to ‘encourage’ it,” she continues. “He did say that, after the child turns 18, he would accept what they ‘choose.’ I would like to teach my children to accept people’s true selves. I have tried reasoning with him and using logic as to why there’s nothing wrong with gay people and begged him to think about it from their perspective. Nothing I can say changes his mind. ”
Related: Dear Abby: My grandchild is trans, what do I do?
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
“What should I do?” the woman concludes. “Do you think a marriage would survive this kind of disagreement? Would therapy help?”
Leave it to Dear Abby to offer her usual level-headed advice.
“Be glad your fiance has been honest with you about this — even if it’s five years late,” Abby replies. “One would think that having gay friends and a gay relative would have shown him that sexual orientation isn’t something a person ‘chooses.’ Gay people can no more help being attracted to members of the same sex than straight people can help being attracted to people of the opposite sex.”
“Therapy can be helpful and provide valuable insight to individuals who are willing to admit they need it,” Abby further asserts. “I hope your fiance will consider this. Children come out much earlier today than in years past, and it’s important they feel safe doing it. Being forced to wait longer could cause damage that lasts a lifetime.”
“For your sake and theirs,” Abby concludes, “get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.”
Now that’s advice you can take to the bank…or to the relationship counselor, as the case may be.
jaimedance3
He’s probably hating the fact that they can be as open as they want and he is still struggling with himself and his tendencies! I have found that that was who hate you for being gay hate themselves more because they have been fighting and struggling for years of who they really are!
johncp56
That was my first thought
My2Cents
A good clue is 5 years of engagement. Something is holding him back.
Goforit
Do not marry him and for god’s sake, do NOT have children with him.
johncp56
Yes another thought, I would not want to have a partner like this,,
Preppy1000
Dump the jerk NOW! Imagine if you married him and had kids who were gay. It would be a nightmare!
Mack
Abby is as wrong as she can be with this one. The woman should dump his ass and get as far away from him as possible. He won’t change, he’ll just hide his hatred until they have kids then turn them into haters too.
Fahd
Therapy is no panacea, but I’d still recommend it for him. As for her, I would be grateful she found this out before the wedding and move on. Don’t look back.
Zacharyug
My little palms may surprise you)
my profile – meet-mix69.com/profile/291471
GayEGO
I doubt that he can be helped, she should just walk away from him.
johncp56
Walk away, if he held it in this long, it is not your duty to change someone, that may not change, dont have kids with someone that hates
TomG
She’d be nuts to marry this guy. Who needs all the stress that this guy would bring into their lives.
winemaker
This issue could be a big deal breaker. Having said that, you invested only 5 years into this relationship and not a lifetime. Be thankful it was only 5 years, many times issues like come out many years later. In the grand scheme of life, 5 years isn’t a huge amount of time yet this was a learning lesson, albeit a long term learning lesson. Think carefully as you move forward. Is this relationship a rebound from a previous one and you got into something too quickly after a breakup and didn’t do your due diligence all along as you got to know this man? Issues like this usually come out sooner but again, better now than years later before you married this man, had kids with him and got deeply involved, financially and emotionally and ended up wasting valuable time.
Often we get right into a new relationship right after a breakup because we want or need to be ‘coupled’ as being single or alone can suck.. I don’t want to be flip but as they say people reveal their true selves as you get to know them. Nobody’s perfect and many of us go through life searching for the perfect partner and never find that person. Looking for someone without faults is a fruitless waste of emotion and time. My late father used to say “the person who hasn’t made or doesn’t make mistakes has never been born and never will be born”. No truer words haver been spoken. Be wise moving forward!
Shady Gaga
There’s something wrong when you’ve been engaged for 6 years.
Fname Optional Lname
The line about not caring what the child “chooses” when he turns 18 is quite telling. He knows once someone is 18 they can live on their own and that is what he is hoping for if he has a gay child. Out of sight, out of mind. He has created a fortress where he can escape facing the reality of having a gay child. He does not want it discussed for the child’s first 17 years of life and then on year 18 if he does in fact find out he has a gay child the locks on the doors get changed and the child’s luggage is pushed out onto the front porch. He is so uncomfortable with the subject that he is projecting about how to not deal with it decades into the future. Someones got a secret and this poor woman will one day discover that her fiance of xx years has some first hand experience in man on man action.
Jim
I don’t mind black people I just wouldn’t want my child to marry one!!!!
Run, Run as fast as you can
Invader7
Donald : Is that you? Quit hiding your creepy self behind that shabbily constructed facade and leave America alone. You FAILURE..!!! We KNOW all about you and it ain’t pretty…