Famed advice columnist Dear Abby has offered up a bit of advice to a woman who has discovered her fiancé is a homophobe.
“About a year ago, my fiance of six years revealed that he doesn’t think homosexuality is normal or right,” the woman, identified as “More Accepting in Calfornia,” writes. “I was shocked because he had never mentioned it before, nor did I see any signs that he thought that way. We’ve gone to Pride celebrations, and we both have gay relatives and friends.”
“He doesn’t want our future children to be influenced by gay people on TV and doesn’t want me to ‘encourage’ it,” she continues. “He did say that, after the child turns 18, he would accept what they ‘choose.’ I would like to teach my children to accept people’s true selves. I have tried reasoning with him and using logic as to why there’s nothing wrong with gay people and begged him to think about it from their perspective. Nothing I can say changes his mind. ”
“What should I do?” the woman concludes. “Do you think a marriage would survive this kind of disagreement? Would therapy help?”
Leave it to Dear Abby to offer her usual level-headed advice.
“Be glad your fiance has been honest with you about this — even if it’s five years late,” Abby replies. “One would think that having gay friends and a gay relative would have shown him that sexual orientation isn’t something a person ‘chooses.’ Gay people can no more help being attracted to members of the same sex than straight people can help being attracted to people of the opposite sex.”
“Therapy can be helpful and provide valuable insight to individuals who are willing to admit they need it,” Abby further asserts. “I hope your fiance will consider this. Children come out much earlier today than in years past, and it’s important they feel safe doing it. Being forced to wait longer could cause damage that lasts a lifetime.”
“For your sake and theirs,” Abby concludes, “get to the core of what is going on with this man, and decide what to do accordingly.”
Now that’s advice you can take to the bank…or to the relationship counselor, as the case may be.