Located on Market Street in San Francisco’s Castro neighborhood, Eros is one of the city’s last remaining gay sex clubs. Many an innocent lad has wandered into this two-floor sex palace after stumbling out of one of the nearby bars to navigate the dark, maze-like floor plan of bunk beds, massage parlors, and public play areas. A visit to Eros is a necessary rite of passage for any sexually-adventurous homosexual residing in (or just visiting) the city by the bay.
But how is it that the Castro, arguably the gayest neighborhood in the gayest city in the world, a place even rabbits have nothing on, boasts just one solitary gay sex club?
In 1984, during the height of the AIDS crisis, San Francisco public health officials ordered all gay bathhouses be shutdown, claiming the businesses promoted unsafe sex. The city’s last bathhouse, 21st Street Baths, closed it’s doors for good in 1987. Eros opened a few years later, billing itself as a “sex club” rather than a bathhouse. The only real difference was that it didn’t have private cabins, just a series of large rooms where men could hookup in semi-public areas. The idea was that there would be less unprotected intercourse than in private cabins. Other gay sex clubs soon began popping up around the city.
In the past few years, however, many of San Fran’s most popular clubs have closed their doors, including Mack Folsom Prison, The Brig and Playspace. (The inimitable Blow Buddies in the SOMA ‘hood, however, still flourishes.) So what’s the deal? Are sex clubs, like bookstores, bound for extinction? Why aren’t gay men frequenting them as often as they used to? And where are they going instead?
Here are five reasons why San Francisco’s gay sex clubs may soon be obsolete…
Darkness by design
Part of the allure of the gay sex club has always been the seedy factor. Men go there to engage in anonymous sex with one another while other men watch. Throw in the fact that the venues, while clean, are intentionally and proudly dungeon-like, with long, winding hallways and blacked-out windows, and we’re talking about a business that caters to a niche market.
It’s possible younger generations, while certainly equally horny, see these places as somehow a vestige of the closeted past, and associate them with STDs. Despite the fact that gay sex clubs steadfastly promote safe sex practices, always keeping bowls of free condoms and water-based lube within arm’s reach, the stigma has apparently put their business models into decline.
The clientele
As most anyone who’s ever set foot inside bathhouse or sex club will tell you, the guys, at least on certain nights, tend to skew older. Only in a gay sex club is 50 considered the new 20. Of course, we love older gentlemen. But not everyone is looking to get their rocks off in a roomful of sexagenarians. (Though those opposed to it have no idea what they’re missing!)
Hookup apps
Apps like Grindr, Jack’d and SCRUFF have revolutionized how we go about finding Mr. Right Now. Once upon a time, gay men relied on bathhouses and sex clubs to meet one another. These days we’re all about efficiency and location, location, location. With just the swipe of a finger, your next paramour can be in your bedroom in five minutes flat. No more driving across town and paying a $20 entrance fee.
Real estate prices
Urban locations across the country, San Francisco in particular, have seen real estate prices skyrocket. Last October, SFGate reported that residential rentals in the city had increased a whopping 11.9% from the previous year. Businesses, too, have seen their rents go up. This has forced younger gay men, with lower incomes, to flee to surrounding areas. (Daly City anyone?) With rising monthly costs and a shrinking customer base, it’s no wonder so many gay sex clubs have been forced to close. Buildings that once served as naked, uninhibited playgrounds for countless homosexuals are being converted into luxury lofts, whose high-income residents are blissfully unaware of the naughty things that once took place in their new digs.
Gay marriage
The country has seen huge advances in gay rights at a pace that surprises even the most optimistic activists. With a new state striking down its gay marriage ban seemingly every other week, gay people are exercising their newly acquired rights by tying the knot and settling down. Child adoptions by gay parents are also on the rise. The 2000 Census found that approximately 65,000 children lived in same-sex households. By 2012, that number had increased to 110,000.
This begs the question: Are gay men growing up? Is cruising a thing of the past in a time of marriage and family equality, or is it simply taking on new forms? And if gay sex clubs do, indeed, go extinct, what, if anything, will take their place?
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tdx3fan
Assimilation IS NOT growing up. I have been in an open relationship for four years. We are getting married next year. We just like multiple partners, so we play safe. We also like baths. The thing is, much like everything else about that hell hole of a city, that the best gay bath in San Fran is in San Jose. The city itself is just filled with attitude prone gays thst are not worth the time of day. Baths flourish on tourism, and the average truly liberated tourist that makes the mistake of spending $1000 for a weekend in San Fran doesn’t do it twice. Hell, Atlanta is a better city overall for the average gay male.
Geeker
The fact that places like this still exist at all after what the gay community has gone through just goes to show how inherently self destructive mankind is at it’s core.
buffnightwing
These, FIVE things articles are just horrible. It’s so BAD that NO ONE took writing credit. LOL
vive
Well, bathhouses are flourishing elsewhere. The Steamworks chain (Toronto, Chicago, etc.) have new and shiny facilities and has LOTS of young clientele. Various European cities have bathhouses that are out of this world. So no, it is not that they are on their way out. It is just that San Francisco has become too expensive for young gay men to even live there, and too expensive for ANY amenities like gay bars (in any variety) and gay bookstores.
buffnightwing
@tdx3fan: We used to have an open relationship, then he got syphilis. HE used a condom too! He didn’t know it and he got a rash all over and was sick for a half year before we figured out what it was.
We are now monogamous.
All the std’s and HIV worries, plus all the time and energy. It’s not worth it.
It also creates space between partners, wether you want to admit it or not.
I wonder if you and your partner are truly satisfied when you have sex?
buffnightwing
@vive: Since they are YOUNG, I would recommend using condoms when fucking.
The truth is getting clap and syphilis and HIV and all those other things, it’s not worth it. I wish the gay community wasn’t so focused on sex. So many other aspects of being gay that are worthy of time and attention.
I LOVE SEX too.
tdx3fan
@Geeker: I would definitely say places like this are much safer than your average hook up ap.
tdx3fan
@buffnightwing: No distance. We are both very satisfied. We both get regular screenings. Thanks for putting your stuff on me though.
QJ201
I stopped going to bathhouses in NYC over 15 years ago when they all turned into Crystal and Crack dens.
IzzyLuna
To make sure you’re not having unsafe sex, they have employees do random walks through the club and if they see you getting fucked, they’ll come up to you, feel around to make sure there’s a condom – mid-penetration. Yup. Fact.
vive
@buffnightwing, hooking up online is no better than bathhouses as far as STI risk is concerned, and bathhouses are safer than inviting people to your home or going to someone’s home.
petensfo
I prefer the sex clubs to the hook-up apps. You go, you meet people that have the same intent, have a little fun or a lot, don’t have to worry if you don’t click b/c another option is right there… and you get to clean up before you head back out in the world. It’s all good from my point of view.
The one thing I did like about San Fran is that there are no private rooms; awkward at first, but it stays interesting. As the bitter queen mentioned above, San Jose’s club has a pool & better weather & provides a nice day.
These days, any sex club near me is mostly seedy. It’ too bad b/c sex clubs can really be a lot of fun.
Stache99
@buffnightwing: Where was the doctor in all this? Rashes all over the body is a classic symptom of syphilis. Anyone sexually active should be doing regular check ups.
Stache99
@QJ201: Same as LA.
vive
@tdx3fan, “…the average truly liberated tourist that makes the mistake of spending $1000 for a weekend in San Fran doesn’t do it twice. Hell, Atlanta is a better city overall for the average gay male.”
Other great options are Toronto, Chicago, and Montreal (depending on time of year).
And I agree. It bugs me that sexual liberation is considered “not growing up,” and that some people are using the idea of gay marriage as an instrument of control and repression of sex.
sfsilver
Can we please get over the very homophobic notion that somehow not being in a monogamous relationship (an institution that statistically fails at least half of the time among heterosexuals and that we have no real data on among Gay male couples) is not “growing up. This is such a tired notion. Yeah as a single man I focus on my own needs first, but there is nothing inherently grown up or noble about partnering or raising children. We’ll see how the Gay Marriage thing pans out. I’m guessing that the vast majority of Gay marriages will eventually (if they haven’t already) open up and will not be restrictively monogamous. Sex clubs and bathhouses will continue to provide a safe, clean, sex positive venue for men to do what comes naturally.
vive
Advantages of bathhouses/sex clubs:
* You can usually find someone hot within a half hour (instead of hours of
endless chat on Grindr).
* You can easily change your mind and find someone else.
* Threesomes (and moresomes) are easily arranged or joined.
* If you like an audience, you can have one.
* No need to wash your sheets before or after.
* No need to worry about bothering your roommate.
* No need to worry because you’ve been so busy that your home is a mess.
* No need to worry about having refreshments to offer him.
* No need to worry about finding his place.
* No waiting at your place for someone who never shows up.
* No need to have sex with someone you’re not really into just because he
drove all the way to your house (or vice versa).
* No worries about being abducted, assaulted, or murdered.
* No worries about whether he’s going to sleep over, or getting him out.
* STI prevention information posters all over the place.
* Free testing clinics (at times).
IcarusD
The old Power Exchange on Otis Street was better lighted and had fun theme rooms, like tents on one floor made to look like camping. Like Disneyland for adults. Gay, horny adults. I’ve never been to the new location, but I hear it’s dark with loud, misogynistic music and caters more to straight couples.
Some say the lack of bathhouses in SF is due to the inability to have private rooms. Some owners of bathhouse chains have said their business is better in more conservative areas than in more progressive areas, perhaps because there are more guys who need a “down low” outlet?
I think there’s a market for a new kind of bathhouse. Something like a Roman baths, like San Jose’s Watergarden or a gay, sexier version of Kabuki Hot Springs. Or something more playful like the Power Exchange used to be. Keep the dungeons, but only in part of it. Perhaps even special events like strip poker tournaments, service auctions, etc.
vive
Strange that the historically biggest gay cities are now the most repressive. In San Francisco private rooms are illegal, and in what passes as (poor excuses of) bathhouses in New York everything has to happen in private or you get yelled at by management.
TVC 15
@vive: Yes! Thank you. 🙂
derpderp
“In the past few years, however, many of San Fran’s most popular clubs have closed their doors, including Mack Folsom Prison, The Brig and Playspace. ”
so, if you did proper research, you’d know that NONE of these locations closed due to lack of business. Most, if not all were doing decent business when shuttered for various reasons… the owner of Mack passed, so it closed with intent to reopen, but hasn’t. The Brig and Playspace are the SAME BUSINESS, just rebranded. And when the Brig closed this year, it was due to the building being sold, if I’m not mistaken.
also, your assertion that “With just the swipe of a finger, your next paramour can be in your bedroom in five minutes flat. No more driving across town and paying a $20 entrance fee.” is BS. Anyone who has spent a decent amount of time on Craigslist or cruising apps knows it isn’t that easy. often you have to wade through a bunch of crap before finding someone who doesn’t skeeze you out, and that can take an entire evening sometimes.
the point being… there are pro’s and con’s to hooking up in play-spaces versus online hookups, the fact that you totally ignored most of the positive aspects of play-spaces is disappointing.
@ vive : thanks for doing the hard work for this “journalist”.
Black Pegasus
@sfsilver: Agreed! Monogamy is a myth. It’s a societal creation based in religion that totally ignores the true nature of human beings. We are sexual creatures, and that doesn’t stop once we fall in love with ONE person.
MarionPaige
Unless a whole lot of lesbians were going to sex clubs, I don’t think gay marriage ranks as a legitimate reason why sex clubs / bathhouses would be in trouble – if in fact they are in trouble.
seaguy
This is just a recycled story from the AP and FoxNews that referred to bath houses and their demise. That story only focused on the failing or failed baths which is a normal part of doing business. Things change leases expire, rents go up, bathhouses close. SF just had brigsf reopen and I doubt they would go through the expense of reopening in a new location if they did not feel they would make money. So this article is a bit one sided and incorrect.
MarionPaige
imagine being able to see a guy naked and in person in a non-committal setting before you agree to have sex with him and then, and then, you don’t actually have to talk to him. As Cher sang: “If I could turn back time.”
jmmartin
The worst thing about anonlymous sex clubs is that you may never see again a person with whom you have had the best sex in a long time. Or a lifetime.
vive
@jmmartin, yes, that has happened to me a couple of times. I have learned not to be shy to ask for their number.
Kangol
@vive:
Exactly. Sexual liberation is an aspect of maturity; it isn’t childishness. How did we go from the liberatory attitudes and open-mindedness of the early post-Stonewall era to mimicking the closed, repressed heteronormative and homonormative attitudes of today?
Sex and sexual freedom aren’t the problem, homophobia, misogyny, transphobia, and heterosexism; sexual repression; and unsafe sex and ignorance about the risks of certain types of sex are.
crowebobby
I’ve always liked the old “I had to promiscuous; no one would have sex with me twice” one-liner.
vive
@crowebobby, that sounds like something Joan Rivers would have come up with. 🙂
Jacob23
One reason that they might be going extinct is that approximately 300,000 of their actual and potential customers are dead. It’s hard for these exploitative, predatory for-profit establishments to sucker in enough young gay and bi men to replace the previous generations of suckers.
The other reason is that once people start respecting themselves and start to see themselves as having a place in a larger world, they are much less likely to pay for the dubious privilege of offering up their bodies like trinkets to strangers. Gay people are more likely to respect themselves in 2014 than they were in 1974. Accordingly, these places of ritualized degradation are dying off. Hooray!
vive
@Jacob23, first, they are not going extinct, and second, hello, the repressive 50s called, they want you back. It’s been half a century since the sexual revolution, for Pete’s sake.
Realitycheck
@sfsilver:
Why do you think that “the vast majority of Gay marriages will eventually (if they haven’t already)
open up and will not be restrictively monogamous.” ????
What do you base that assumption on? I did not experience that nor did all the couples I know,
it sounds to me, like there is a huge disconnect between single, sex driven guys, and the average
person on the street.
From personal experience, and yes a bit of a generalization I see mostly two groups of gay guys,
the emotionally developed capable of relations ships and commitment, and the emotionally non
available (underdeveloped) incapable of any kind of serious relationship.
Don’t take me wrong there is nothing wrong with either groups, people are who they are and
everybody has different emotional needs, but lets not be delusional and try to turn every gay man
in to a self serving slutty flake. LOL
Realitycheck
@Jacob23: Jacob I think you hit the nail on the head,
sex clubs and spots were mostly necessary in an age of gay repression and many people did
become addicted to them, as the only life style they knew.
In the late 60s to 80s, once gay started to become OK and gay started fighting back, that sexual based
life style was very much part of it all, because it was all many gay guys knew until then.
That is no longer true, many young kids today grow up in accepting family and neighborhood and
that translate in growth and emotional balance, basically all the old scar prior generations
still suffer from are no longer there.
If you are loved and accepted as a kid, there is no need to look at sex as a surrogate for sex, self esteem
and acceptance.
Today to be gay one doesn’t need to identify with sex nor one needs to be classified as bear, cub, otter
or Zoo keeper LOL.
Also very telling, few have mentioned, sex clubs are attractive to tourists. Why?
Because in many foreign country, even the ones where gay is accepted, it is still not
OK to live a fully gay life style, like many can in USA big cities.
lefawzi
I must say that in Berlin, where I live, there are still quite a lot of sex clubs. Where-ever you go in town bareback seems dominant.
90026
Grindr and Scruff suck. They are not efficient means of meeting anyone. For all of you who have the viewpoint that young men would not benefit from a one stop venue for quick sex, you are crazier than you are stupid. Sex clubs and baths are the most efficient way to hook up with sexually compatible people. In an age where professional demands have never been more intense, I cannot think of a more useful and appreciated business than a good clean centralized sex club!