BAD SANTA

Five Things The Gays Have Ruined About Christmas

Christwire, the Onion-like news service that skewers the malarky spouted by the religious right, has just released its list of holiday goodies that us queers have put our stank on. Among the yuletide atrocities we’ve committed:

*Turning caroling into cruising

*Using mistletoe to get free handies from guys on the street. (Who told?!?)

* Spiking the eggnogg with “Devil DNA”

* Perving out Santa as some child-obsessed daddy bear

Remember hanging your stocking from the chimney with care? Just look at what the Sodomites have done.

Stocking Stuffing

This use to be my favorite part of Christmas morning. Before mom would allow us to open presents, we got to see what kind of knickknacks and goody treats laid waiting for us in our stockings that hung above the fireplace. Now the gays have turned this term of “stocking stuffing” into their own form of holiday sex games. Now on Christmas mornings, gays decorate their anal caverns with glittery decor and insert toys up their sewer holes. Once packed with sinful joyness, they invite their friends to insert their hands into their sparkly designed turd tunnel and grab for a gift.

Won’t somebody think of the children?!?

Images via Gunaxin

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #christmas #christwire stories and more

8 Comments

  • Matt

    New Years Resolution: put 10 more minutes of thought into trying to be clever when making lists.

  • MikeE

    that’s not even remotely funny.
    at least The Onion TRIES.

  • Ronbo

    Dammit! Where’s my sparkle? My trimmed, scrubbed, bleached a-hole needs to sparkle!

  • Ronbo

    Found it! Right next to the hamster cage.

  • Tyson Bowers

    You guys need to let us send you copies of our book!

  • ZHammer

    I like the photo above. “Gay eyes”. I like ChristWire, very funny.

  • ZHammer

    @ZHammer: Buy the Christ Wire book at Amazon.com.

  • Jeff

    LMAO!

Comments are closed.