Former New England Patriots footballer Ryan O’Callaghan has opened up about his struggle with coming out in the NFL.
“I only played football because it was a cover for me. I never loved football. I sold out,” O’Callaghan says. The confession came as part of his new memoir, My Life on the Line: How the NFL Damn Near Killed Me and Ended Up Saving My Life about his years spent playing professional football, living as a closeted gay man, and eventually coming out.
Originally from Redding, California, O’Callagahan says that homophobia in sports kept him scared and in the closet for years. Unfortunately, that homophobia began affecting him from an early age. “It was more the words that came out of their mouths, negatively, towards the gay community that stuck with me,” O’Callaghan said. “As a kid, kids hear the things their father says and their uncle says and that time in your life, you take it to heart.”
O’Callaghan avoided anything that had to do with queer culture and acted like a bully on the team to conceal his anger. Even in college, he couldn’t bring himself to look at flyers for LGBTQ meeings. “I had told myself ‘You have to be a tough guy or they’re going to think this,'” O’Callaghan said. “But yeah, it came out in being a bully. A lot of times, that’s what happens when people act out. They’re hiding something. The people who speak out loudest against gays, they probably can relate.”
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After playing for the Patriots, O’Callgahan suffered a number of serious injuries with required heavy doses of pain medication. After transferring to the Chiefs, he became addicted to painkillers. He began meeting with a psychiatrist to help treat the addiction, and eventually realized he could not hide any longer. He came out as gay, and received a surprisingly supportive reception, especially from his dad.
“We’ve never been closer,” O’Callaghan says of his relationship with his dad. “Now he’s always asking about what I’ve been doing, and now he’s proud of [me] being an activist instead of football. He’s come a long way.”
While touting his own recovery and coming out, O’Callaghan insists he was not alone in the NFL closet. “People would be surprised who’s closeted,” he observes. “Pro Bowlers and a lot of guys with families. You try to give them advice, everyone’s situation is different, but it’s hard to tell someone who’s that deeply closeted to get them to see the light, that it’ll be OK, especially if they have young kids.”
Bytemenow
Kudos for sharing your journey. My first impulse was to think, screw this noise, give us some names of ones who are still playing in the NFL. But, their secret is not your’s to tell. Everyone has to come to accept and live their truth when they’re ready. However, it would be refreshing if all currently closeted gay men in the NFL would come out all at once. It would also be nice for them to have the support of NFL management, owners, and teammates alike.
One of these days…
djmcgamester
His book is on my shelf just waiting to be read. I’m glad he’s been able to come out. He’s not even the first ex-NFL player to say there are lots of closeted guys in pro football. I wish some had the courage to come out while active. Well, one did, and it didn’t work out, but I’m hoping that the more it happens the less it will matter.
trigman40
If he has not already, he should try to make amends to his fellow LGBTQ people he bullied in school. It’s never to late to stand up and be a man about it.
TheMarc
I sincerely appreciate Ryan for telling his story. Because it is a story that needs to be heard and understood. There is still so much stigma associated with being gay; especially if you’re in a “tough guy” job like an NFL player. Most TV, movie, video game characters introduced today tend to be L or B; and rarely T or G. I hope that someday, gay NFL players will come forward and come out. That courage will be crucial for providing a full scope perspective on being gay. Stereotypes that even our own community traffic in are not true for all gay men. And we need more diverse representation that reflects the true gay reality. We come in all shapes, colors, religions, classes, etc.
wellinmysoul
so easy for him to say