Gay But Not Narrow

Four Reasons Everyone, And We Mean Everyone, Should Be Welcome To Party With Us At Gay Bars

 

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There has been a lot of talk lately of non-gays ruining gay bars: girls cockblocking their gay pals, straight men descending on the gal pals of the gay boys. Got it?

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Yuri Kagan

Well, frankly, we don’t agree. While we do need gay social spaces, to be sure, isn’t it a sure a sign of progress that we can all mix and match? Life should be one huge rainbow party.

Related: Eleven Types Of Gay Bars And Why They Matter

Plus, we get why the straights like hanging with us. Gay bars are simply better. Despite the invasions of straight girls and their boys toys, this is still a little know secret outside of the queer ranks. And in the time of the ascendancy of Grindr and Scruff, we need to double down on our support for these invaluable community institutions, no matter the gender and sexual orientation of those who fill them up.

In that spirit, we asked fabulous Castro Barman Yuri Kagan, author of Vodka & Limelight, came up with four reasons gay bars are simply better than their non-gay counterparts…  

1. Cheap Booze

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If you’re drinking on a budget, gay bars are where it’s at.

Macho jerks may assume that sissies just sip wine sprinters all day. Hahaha! Where else can you get two-for-one vodka drinks? Truth be told this may be partially accurate but we will also chase that bottle of wine with a bottle of vodka or bourbon if you got it. We aint picky.

Stroll on over to the gayborhood for a nightcap that has more bang for your buck (euphemism not intended). Which brings us to the next topic…

2. Sex, Sex, Sex

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Everybody gets laid! Gay bars are where everyone gets a little something. I mean EVERYONE. Even the toothless, one-legged person! We guarantee there is some one out there who likes that type. Straight girls come out to gay bars thinking they will not get harassed for looking too good in their dresses. They “just want to dance.” Guess what?  Straight men are on to you and hiding in the shadow of every gay bar in this country. Besides, fewer girls in the crowd means less competition. Go get it straighties. Also as gay people we can be many things.

3. Be Yourself

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We can be judgmental, sarcastic, funny, masculine, feminine, fat, skinny, into leather, into kink, vanilla, hetero or pretty much A-sexual–we have more than enough room for everyone. Race is pretty much irrelevant–or should be. Gay bars are one of the few places on earth that are not a zero sum game and where anything goes. Oh, and we have the hottest go-gos anywhere. Let’s face it. Where are you more likely to see hot dudes dancing in unbelievably tight outfits that for once leave no room for imagination? Outside of the NFL cheerleaders, there is Chip N’ Dales, the Thunder Down Under, and then of course fabulous gay bars!

4. Community

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Yes, Grindr and Scruff can get you zero feet away for the cost of an Uber. But they don’t serve as an outlet for you and your colleagues or softball buddies. You might not meet the hottest guys in gay bars, but you get a sense of who the best guys are.

It’s also the place where we change the world. Want to chip in for that HIV charity? Help for Hillary? Fundraise for your buds in the softball league? Hit up your local gay watering hole. Chances are if they don’t already have a beer bust that donates, they will be open to working with your favorite cause. The fact that there are more straighties around, just brings you more networking and change creating opportunities.

Give back one shot at a time!

Check out Yuri Kagan’s Vodka & Limelight

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88 Comments

  • Sylvia Varga

    Couldn’t agree more. There are so many haters and ppl who are out to get us that it would be stupid not to let ppl who want to be friends and allies of the LGBTQ community to party and mingle with. This will enable progress and understanding of sexuality and gender expression. Being “cockblicked” should be the least of anyone’s worries when there are still ppl who want to see us dead because of who we are and who we love.

  • Anthony Lower

    The article misses the point of the original criticism. We don’t want to exclude straight people. We want to ban the large groups on straight women who get sloppy drunk 10 minutes in, the proceed to jump on stage in the drag shows, walk up to gay men they don’t know and address them as BFFs and feel entitlee that the guy must dance with them, and the worse all the groping. Last time my hubby and I went dancing, we were dancing close, face to face, eyes closed when we both suddenly felt what feeled like a protcology exam. It was a bride to be with her bachelorette party enterouge who decided we were both cute and wanted in. After grabbing our asses she tried to squeeze in between us. When we yelled at her to back, off her group approached and acted like we’d done something wrong. These kinds of incidents are not unusual nowadays. Makes going to our favorite gay spots a lot less enjoyable.

  • Billy Budd

    Gay bars are happier crazier places than straight ones;

  • onthemark

    Cheap drinks? Only in a few states where it’s still legal to do special pricing. Consider yourself lucky, and watch out that the do-gooders in your state legislature don’t make “happy hour” etc. illegal in your state when you’re not looking.

    And this: “but we will also chase that bottle of wine with a bottle of vodka or bourbon if you got it. We aint picky.” UGH. I still like to drink but I got sick just reading that.

  • Finrod

    @Anthony Lower: No really, I love feeling like a baby goat at the petting zoo.

  • Realitycheck

    Totally disagree, often straight guys and girls come to gay bars to have laugh,
    that ruins the atmosphere, second many gay bar offer shows not always appropriate for girls.
    Last and most important when I go to bar I want to be sure there only gays guys,
    I work all week, and finally get to go out on week end, I have zero need to apologize to some straight guy for hitting on him when I am at a gay bar.
    There are good reasons and many more why, there are black clubs for blacks and asian for asians and gay for gay and so on.
    It is not discrimination it is a common sense divide.
    Take the hags shopping, dinner and the movie, but keep them off the bars as a form of respect to other gays that might simple want to express themselves to the fullest.
    Our society is sadly crossing the politically correct border in to idiocy just to be nice to everyone,and that is wrong.
    And I am saying this as a guy that as girl-friends and I would love to take them out to a gay bar, but I know is wrong, and the girls simply say, “going to a gay bar is like going to pastry shop with out any money, you can look but you can buy, so why go”.

    More important now a day in USA culture there are plenty of mixed clubs, and mixed bars, perhaps even more so then gay clubs, so…………..

  • Realitycheck

    @Anthony Lower: Bravo Anthony, another problem with SOME girls is the “I am ready to be offended for any silly reason even if I am totally wrong” also known as the “Princess with a huge sense of entitlement”.
    Who needs that kind of harassment.

  • DC Sheehan

    Party with us. Don’t treat us like a zoo attraction or someone you can grope with no consequences (straight ladies, keep your hands to yourself).

  • SarcasaticMisanthrope

    I remember back in the mid 80’s to early 90’s going out to the bars and they were not overrun by the straight drunken women, thank god. I may be a dinosaur, and think that gay bars should be our space and a break from the straight world.

  • enfilmigult

    Yeah, add me to the people who think this misses the point. Especially because these are all reasons straight people would want to go to gay bars, not why gay people would want to welcome them.

    Not that there’s a problem with welcoming them. I guess there’d be a point at which too many straight people turns it from a gay bar into something else, but whatever: straight people at gay bars is A-OK. Straight women going to gay bars to get away from the relentless attention of straight guys is A-OK too, in my book. Nothing wrong with that, or with making new friends like a grown-up. The problem is straight people treating it like an anthropological exhibit, or a petting zoo, or anything else that’s based on the idea that spaces like this and the people inside are an accessory for them. And unfortunately that does seem to happen, and that’s what people complain about (as described in more detail in the other comments here).

    If you want to get really super serious about it, it’s straight people trying to control a gay space with heterosexual privilege, not be a part of it. I mean, imagine a group of gay guys going to the nearest straight bar, treating it like a funny backdrop for their night out and groping random dudes because it’s “safe” and really amusing and naughty, tee hee. I can’t even imagine people thinking that was okay and deciding to do it, much less being righteously angry at the idea that they aren’t welcome on those terms.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Anthony Lower: What kind of gay bars/clubs do you go to?

    I’ve been to a few here in LA and never really had this issue. These bars/clubs are mostly gay men. The only one that has kinda changed in this article is the Abbey.

    I’ve seen what has been described in the article happen, but this is a greatly exaggerated issue.

  • Glücklich

    What is a “wine sprinter”?

    @onthemark:
    YUCK! Instant hangover hell. Add in some swiped Goldschläger and it sounds like every high school girl’s Friday night party.

    The only reason I keep anything other than Scotch in my bar is for my guests to drink it.

  • Glücklich

    @Giancarlo85:
    Have you tried Precinct or Red Line downtown yet? I think I recall you live a bit away from downtown but if you find yourself in the area of an evening I can recommend ’em.

  • Glücklich

    @Realitycheck:
    Haven’t you heard? A lot of them moved out of the bars and comment here on Queerty.

  • sportyguy1983

    Got to laugh at gays asking to be treated equally yet want to ban straight people from “our” bars. Gays would be outraged (and justifiably) if straight people wanted to ban gays from “their” bars and use the same excuses people here are expressing.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Glücklich: I don’t go to downtown. Not at night-time. The only places I go that is even close to downtown is the Grand Central Market or Little Tokyo lol. Maybe Placita Olvera. Those are just areas/attractions. But I would never go to any club/bar in downtown. Ever.

  • Ridpathos

    I agree that everyone should be welcome at gay bars. I don’t get why you’d want to throw discrimination around the other way.

    It’s like minorities complaining that whites are moving into the neighborhood. It reeks of the same discrimination that they had just faced and is hypocritical.

    But I disagree that gay bars are better than straight bars. 1. They’re certainly not less judgmental. My second time at a gay bar, I just wanted to relax with my friends, and instead I was harassed by two men who wanted me to dance with them, and I just wasn’t feeling it and said no. They decided that merited dirty looks and standing in my way as I left. Sorry, but you don’t have a right to force anyone you want to dance with you. 2. They’re filled with loud obnoxious music. There’s no way to build community there because there’s no way you could hear yourself think much less carry on a conversation with someone. I doubt that last picture in this article is of a gay bar, because I’ve been looking for a gay bar that looks and feels like a calm pub forever and I’ve never found luck (and I live in the Bay area!).

    They do have cheap booze though, and from what I saw, there were plenty of guys willing to throw themselves at me, so they probably would have had sex with me, but I’m already in a relationship.

  • Stache99

    @sportyguy1983: Yeah, I kind of agree with that. Maybe it’s just because I’ve never once experienced any of those problems and I used to go to the abbey allot. I think the only thing you can say is alcohol and young people will do crazy shit. Gay/straight makes no difference.

  • Glücklich

    @Giancarlo85:
    Aww, what’s wrong with downtown? Old downtown, east of Pershing Square and the train station is pretty cool. Much prefer it to WeHo. But I like gritty, dark ‘n dirty. There are a lot of cool little restaurants and stuff in the Toy/design districts. If I can drag a bunch of stuffed shirts from Capital Group over there it can’t be all bad.

  • ingyaom

    Half the people in Seattle gay bars seem to be straight these days, so I rarely go anymore. When I do, I have to go around asking: “Are you gay?” It’s a conversation-starter, I guess.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Glücklich: I’m cool with downtown, but not at night time. It doesn’t have much in the way of nightlife. I’m not even talking about safety or anything like that. I go to a club in North Hollywood afterall lol (Cobra).

  • Glücklich

    @Giancarlo85:
    Ah. See, I’m too old for clubs so nightlife comprising a good bar and restaurant scene, maybe some galleries and shops, live theater/music is adequate.

  • Clark35

    LGBT bars and dance clubs are fun when you’re younger and have just turned 21 but I only go to them now when I’m really bored, or when friends of mine want to go.

  • SpunkyBunks

    The straights don’t want us at their bars, why should we want them at ours? It’s really uncomfortable when they laugh, point and stare at us from a distance as if we are a zoo attraction. “OMG, look at those fags!”

  • Anthony Lower

    @Giancarlo85 I see this in the Philadelphia and New York areas.

  • ggreen

    Castro bars are the BEST alcoholic training academies period. Serving booze until you’re fall down drunk and beyond. Drag shows so awful getting pre-loaded is prerequisite.

  • MarionPaige

    What if you don’t smoke and you don’t drink?

    paying for over-priced orange juice (because I don’t drink) and having my clothes smelling like cigarettes seemed like a big price to pay to just dance. However,

    The biggest drawback of THE BAR THING is the amount of time it takes to hookup. Frank Sanatra was rumored to have said: “You can waste hours in a bar hoping to meet a nice girl or you can have a couple of nice girls delivered to your hotel room”. AND,

    I worked with young, upwardly mobile professional men and, in NYC, most of them spend their lives AT WORK. What little time they have not working is probably spent trying to get some much needed sleep.

    • Stache99

      @MarionPaige: Do not trust people that don’t drink! They’re sober so they can talk about you later and embarrass you or so I’ve heard;)

  • Stache99

    @Giancarlo85: Oh no and I live right next to that bar.

  • youarekiddingme

    @MarionPaige: Back in my day it was all smoke-filled bars too (and I don’t smoke), but it was one of the few places you could go to meet other gay men. Now there are rap groups/social activities/sports groups, etc., available so gay men have alternatives to socialize and meet other men (hookup) if they choose. It just so happens that I met my husband at a bar!

    Bars and all public buildings where I live are now smoke-fee! :-)

    Sorry to hear that the majority of professional men in NYC spend their time working and sleeping…something must be killing their sex drive! I know when I was in my late 20’s and early 30’s all I was thinking about was sex (regardless of work or how little sleep I was getting).

  • McShane

    I’ve totally been accosted by drunk girls, no biggie. We usually go to the Blow Pony parties at Branx in Portland. That’s filled with all sorts of people, gay and straight or whatever. It’s just like a Stefon skit. Blow Pony, has got it all.
    Lights, psychos, skunk dude, bears, chubs, hawks, dads in Tevas, c*cks, pigs, [email protected], queens, shirt lifters, d*kes, pillow biters, crap stabbers, furries, femmes, random stray dogs, knob shiners and screaming babies in Mozart wigs. If you can handle all that, then you should have the time of your life. I know I do. The more the merrier, bring on the freaks.

    I will admit that the bathrooms are like a horror movie, grossest bathrooms on the West Coast. What kind of drunk monster takes a deuce in the sink?

    @ggreen: Yup. The cafe on Castro in the late Nineties was hard core crazy fun. Completely lawless.

  • Nick

    @Ridpathos: Pretty sure that picture is of Blackbird. In the Castro.

  • youarekiddingme

    @McShane: You’ve got more nerve than me! If I were to go to Portland I don’t think I’d EVER go to a place called “Branx”… but not because of the crowd. Never had a problem with diversity. I’ve always been a people watcher, BUT when you go into the bathroom and find that someone has taken a “deuce” in the sink…I’m fuc$in otta there!!

    Random stray dogs (just noticed that)…I think the health department needs to make some unannounced visits there.

  • Glücklich

    @Nick:
    Hadn’t even looked. You’re correct. I can make out the newspaper front-page wallpaper. Love that bar.

    You know what I miss? Amber. Around the corner from Blackbird. Now it’s called The Residence. Same owners and staff but different concept.

  • Alton

    @sportyguy1983: “Got to laugh at gays asking to be treated equally yet want to ban straight people from “our” bars. Gays would be outraged (and justifiably) if straight people wanted to ban gays from “their” bars and use the same excuses people here are expressing.”

    We ARE “banned” from straight bars. How many straight bars do you know of where two men kissing, or holding hands, or being otherwise openly affectionate with each other would be tolerated, let alone welcome? Even in the most liberal of cities, we still need to stifle ourselves in order to fit in in a straight environment.

    I have no problem with the reality of straight bars. I understand the rules, both spoken and unspoken, and I understand that if I choose to go there, I am agreeing to abide by those rules. At a gay bar, I am free to be myself, to say what I want, to walk how I wish, to kiss whoever I please. The reason bars for minorities exist is because minorities are not free to express themselves as they wish among the majority. If straight people flood gay bars, they will, by definition, become straight bars. And then our freedom to be ourselves, among ourselves is lost.

    I tolerate straight people in gay bars, and expect them to abide by the rules, both spoken and unspoken. I do not welcome them.

  • MarionPaige

    @youarekiddingme: “Back in my day it was all smoke-filled bars too (and I don’t smoke)”

    Oops. I guess I’m showing my age. Still,

    “Looking and Hoping” (as the song goes) in a gay bar for half the night is not an efficient use of time. now if everyone in the gay bar was shaved and lubed and wearing only towels and there were private rooms in the back, things might be “more efficient”. Not that I’ve ever seen anything like that.

  • Juanjo

    I don’t mind straight folks coming to a gay bar to spend time with friends. I do have a problem with straight dudes hanging in the gay bar and getting bent out of shape if they get hit on. Sorry dude, its a gay bar. Likewise straight women – no I do not want to motorboat your tits.

  • MarionPaige

    btw, since a news report claimed that a young guy working at an investment bank actually died at work (because he had gone without sleep for so long) at least one big IBank in NYC now has a policy to force workers to go home after they been at work for so many hours.

  • VampDC

    I feel there should be a few gay bars that NEED to stay exclusively gay.

    I recently moved to LA and I had the worst few experiences at “The Abbey” – I found half the people in there were straight which is fine, but I felt they treated you like “what are you doing at this girls bar” or something. It was just all girls giving the gay dancers attention and gay guys being pushed to the side.

  • VampDC

    @Anthony Lower: Thank you! Your comment perfectly explained my problems too.I just don’t like when groups of straight women go and treat it as “omg look at this cute place lets dance with gay guys and laugh and take pictures with them”.

  • Persa

    So what you’re saying is that even thought straight people are the dominant culture and literally every part of popular culture and nightlife in most big cities is targeted at heterosexuals, gay folks should never get to have our own spaced for us despite being a minority who has to deal daily with the twin microagressions of homophobia and heterosexism?

    No gay folks aren’t even able to go out dancing and flirting and drinking without having to accommodate the sensibilities, feelings, believes and behavior of straight folks even though that is what most of us have done our entire life and have to do throughout the day at work in all public spaces, etc?

    So because it might make some arrogant, entitled straight girls feel excluded for gay bars (despite them being 50% of the dominant culture) we not have to make sure that gay (and might I add, lesbian) spaces also exist to make them feel comfortable and safe because straight men behave like neanderthals in straight bars?

    When did we become the help for straight girls?

    We all have straight male and female friends but that doesn’t mean we have to be together all the time and do everything together and never have spaces that allow us as gays and lesbians to feel relief from compulsory heterosexuality and all the stereotyping and preconceived notions of straight folks’ expectations.

    If you as a gay person can’t feel comfortable around or gay people (and that goes for lesbians) or you are so self-hating that you can’t enjoy homosexual spaces unless you have some kind of straight girl buffer, you have issues and the rest of us shouldn’t have to deal with them in spaces that are suppose to be homosocial and a safe haven space from overt & indirectly oppressive heterosexuality for gays or lesbians.

  • Glücklich

    @MarionPaige:
    You’re thinking of GS. It wasn’t employees they told to go home; it was the interns. The guy who died was an intern at BofA in London. That’s the nature of the business. Some people can’t hack it. Luckily when I switched fields to finance I didn’t have to start at the bottom where the 18-20 hour days are the norm.

  • Glücklich

    @McShane:
    I used to take people from my office to Amber in San Francisco for *real* happy hour (post the obligatory “team happy hour”) and was pleasantly surprised how many uptight banker-types were down to slum it. One of the ladies came back from the can with reports of needles in the toilet and I was, like, awwww…welcome to the team.

    I have a sort of Pied Piper rep around the firm, leading even the most hide-bound clients and colleagues into such dens of iniquity, bars of the damned. Colleagues at two firms in a row have dubbed me “The Devil.”

  • jwtraveler

    I’m sick of fag hags who think that gay men exist to entertain them.

  • Finrod

    @Alton: “We ARE “banned” from straight bars”

    Now that we can get married, we can just get 20 of our gayest friends to go to a straight bar for our bachelor party. I’m sure that our dancing together and making out would be welcomed with open….. um….. hostility. Yeah, that’s the word that I was looking for.

  • youarekiddingme

    Wow, I guess things have changed a lot. The last time I went to a bar a straight guy wouldn’t be caught “dead” in there for fear that he would be caught and labeled a “fag”. Now they’re going in there? Even if they go in with their girls it sounds strange to me…Is there, perhaps some “curiosity” going on?

    If you’re a good-looking straight guy, in a gay bar, expect to be treated by “our rules” (as someone stated above). You’re gonna be hit on. Deal with it and don’t be an asshole or get the fuck out.

  • Chris

    @ingyaom: That’s because Seattle is full of hipsters who are to gaydar what flocks of birds are to radar. [British pun intended]

  • Chris

    @ggreen: Years ago, back when I could still move like Jagger, I went to The Cafe in the Castro for some R&R and dancing.

    The place was over-run with women. “Lesbian night,” thought I, especially since some of them played pool better than many of the men (and yes, I AM trading on stereotypes).

    One lipstick lesbian could really dance; so she and I hit the floor for a few dances. Then, she threw her hips around my waist and tried to hump me right there. “We’re at a gay bar, in case you didn’t notice” I said to her while trying to keep from falling on top. Then a few of her lesbian friends came up to us and told me that she was straight and (for some reason that I still cannot fathom) had decided that she was taking a man home with her that night. They saved me.

    Fun time, if surreal. ….. I chalk this up as a reason to keep straight people out of gay bars, by the way.

  • Chris

    Reason Number four: The Drag Queens, especially the bitchy ones who take no gruff from anybody.

    And alcohol is the best reason; all straight bars pour “real” shots (whatever those are). Gay bars pour generous ones.

  • Travis Cooper

    No thanks. Drunk straight bitches can stay in the straight bars and I don’t need to ask someone if they are straight before hitting on them. Straight people get to be everywhere, let’s keep the gay bars mostly for us.

  • C O Ry Skelton

    I find it annoying the large number of straight men who go to gay bars to flirt with women. It’s not a huge deal, but still.

  • Giancarlo85

    @VampDC: Nobody goes to the Abbey anymore. And its yelp ratings have fallen. A pretty dilapidated bar. Have you tried looking at others, like Mickys?

  • Gaymikey1960

    In the gay bar I go to in my city, the drag queens make it perfectly clear that this is a gay bar, they are gay men dressed up as women and not a straight bar. This bar belongs to us and the straights need to know their place

  • Chris Dexter

    I really don’t care who frequents a gay club/bar… Just don’t be offended and cause drama if you get hit on by someone of the same gender.

  • Lvng1Tor

    @Anthony Lower: I agree. I’ve seen it a lot in Philly, NYC, Chicago and now here in GR. No one is saying that straights shouldn’t be aloud just that when they are in a place that has been a haven where we can be ourselves with out the judgement and fear we all too often still experience in “straight” establishments that they should respect that they are the visitor. By all means have great time, by all means drink and dance and be friendly but many straight people like to take some ownership over “the Gays” “their gays” etc…just be respectful..and no I don’t want to meet your GBF that you just know I’d love. Or that you are so fabulous I don’t mind you trying to dance with me…and don’t call me “B!TCH” even with an “I love it” after

    After spending 25 yrs in NYC, Boston and Philly and traveling throughout the world and every major city in America , I think LGBT people who live in large cities have no idea what it’s like to not live in more open, liberal and accepting towns with tons more options for gays, ton’s more LGBT people visible, gay ghetto’s and several major pride events. Plus out and proud local celebs, news casters, politicians etc…I know I was a taken back when I moved to Grand Rapids MI and felt like I was in a gay time warp experiencing 15 years lag time. I can only imagine what people are going through in less progressive cities than even I live in. For many of these people it’s still the hub of the only OUT social life they can have. Some of these people travel 20-30-40 miles to get to someplace that they can be themselves. It’s getting better but you can’t judge the majority of the nation based off the coasts.

    I also still see young lgb people who, although enjoy going out with their straight friends and are more accepted in those places..exhale and find a power in knowing that the majority of people are just like them. No explaining, no being the gay expert, no being the “gay friend” no using gender neutral pronouns when people who are less than accepting walk in, no excuses…just them as the normal person they are.

    Many straights here still feel like it’s a walk on the wild side to go to a gay bar…then try and claim a stake…kind of like hipsters who find bars that are opened for and populated by ethnic minorities….like they discovered this place that’s “so authentic”

  • Aromaeus

    @Ridpathos: That’s one huge false equivalence. Gentrification is a serious issue and it’s not minorities doing reverse discrimination. Please educate yourself.

  • Aromaeus

    Minorities wanting to keep their safe spaces exclusive is not discrimination especially when those safe spaces exist because we weren’t allowed in the dominant culture. This is basic people.

  • Matthew Pearce

    No no no Straight People need to stay away from our bars and clubs! They should stick to their clubs

  • jwtraveler

    @Chris: That’s not a pun.

  • rickydee1955

    So sad that cheap booze and rampant sex still trump being yourself and a feeling of community. Any wonder men are marrying and fleeing the bars and clubs in droves?

  • rickydee1955

    @youarekiddingme:

    Or we could treat everyone with respect and not automatically assume a man of any SO in a gay bar is there to be hit on! If you don’t get the clear signal someone is interested hang back. If your subtle indication of interest is rebuffed, RESPECT that as a no and not playing hard to get. Jeez are we in Gay High School Hell?

  • Giancarlo85

    @rickydee1955: Are they now? I just don’t see that.

  • rickydee1955

    @Gaymikey1960: Drag queens and kings, at least those who are not transgender, are not LGBT, but transvestites. They should not define gay culture and should have a fetish bar of their own, like bears, leather, western, etc.

  • MarionPaige

    I remember way back in the day, nothing ruined a saturday night at The Gaiety like having women in the place. Just think of the mentality it took for these women to be in a gay strip club and still somehow be convinced that it was all about them.

  • cabe

    @Realitycheck: I totally agree. I work 45 hours/week in an atmosphere that is 99.99% straight and not super gay friendly. When the weekend comes, I want to unwind and hang out with other gay people. I don’t want some straight girls begging me to dance with them or do shots or to run into people from my work.

    While I realize there are benefits to integration, I also think of one big difference that remains: If I went into a random straight bar and stared making out with my boyfriend, I would get some pretty hostile comments if not someone wanting to kick me in the face. If a straight couple made out in a gay bar, chances are there would be no reaction.

    There is still a double standard.

  • Clark35

    @rickydee1955: Or a lot of bisexual and gay men, and bi and lesbian women who like myself went to gay/LGBT bars and dance clubs when we were younger all the time grew up or got bored of them. Sometimes in some areas there’s only one or two main gay/LGBT bars as there are not nearly as many as there once were decades ago.

  • Clark35

    @rickydee1955: Or a lot of bisexual and gay men, and bi and lesbian women who like myself went to gay/LGBT bars and dance clubs when we were younger all the time grew up or got bored of them. Sometimes in some areas there’s only one or two main gay/LGBT bars as there are not nearly as many as there once were decades ago, so everyone including drag queens just goes to the one or a few bars. I don’t care if drag queens are in gay/LGBT bars. Or hetero people as long as they’re not obnoxious.

  • Clark35

    @rickydee1955: Very true. I’ve had men hit on me and flirt with me, and cruise me in bars since I am very handsome, and some would get mad when I would say no thanks since I was there to hang out with friends, or meet people, and only at rare times did I hook up.

  • topshelf

    Everyone should be welcome everywhere. However, bar owners should also be permitted to tailor their clientele. No bar needs to accommodate large groups that are going to overrun the place and treat your favorite venue like a gay theme bar. During their girls-night-out, many women are sloppy messes and don’t know how to behave in public, let alone in gay bars. Could you imagine a bachelor party ever going to a lesbian bar? I have never heard of that happening because it makes no sense.

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    I think it’s a good thing for straight people to exposed up close to the full diversity of LGBT culture in a celebratory environment.

    I also agree we need our own space for reasons that have already been specified.

    How do we square these two contradictory demands?

    V.I.P. area strictly for the gays! As long as you don’t mind passing drinks over the velvet ropes to your muggle friends.

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  • Cam

    Everybody with manners should be welcomed everywhere.

    The people that come in, get smashed and then want to tell you all about how they guess it’s ok that you’re gay even though they think it’s gross, or the women that get blitzed and then go into angry hysterics when they realize they aren’t the center of attention and men aren’t buying them drinks, finishing up the night by throwing up can stay home.

  • bottom250

    You had me at number 2.

  • Brian

    Gay bars are about making money from a cornered market. Follow the money trail.

    They no longer represent gay rights. They’re simply money-making schemes.

  • bottom250

    @Brian: what a business is about making money. Ohhh sweetie

  • youarekiddingme

    @rickydee1955:

    Well thanks for telling me how to figure out if someone is trying to “hit on” me…duh. Wise ass, the point I was making (if you read my post) was that if a straight guy wanted to venture into a gay bar in the first place, he should be prepared for what could be the inevitable. Yes there will be the intoxicated (oh, big word for you–means drunk) guys, who may miss those subtle signs of “not interested” and may still hit on the straight guy. The real problem becomes when the straight guy becomes an asshole and get pissed that a fag is hitting on him in a gay bar.

    This is why straights need to stay to their bars and leave our places alone (the few that we still have left).

    Ok, lesson over smart ass. Now take yourself back to Elementary School where YOU belong!

  • youarekiddingme

    @rickydee1955:

    Men are leaving the clubs in droves because the average age of the population is increasing. What is the median age of a person attending a bar? What’s the median age of the neighborhood you’re referring to? What radius around the bar? What’s the median income? All these things (and more) have an effect on the “reasons” people are leaving the clubs.

    As far as men marrying…What does that have to do with clubs closing? There is no correlation. My husband and I have been together for 24 years and have gone to bars together during that time. All our friends who have been together equivalent time periods have been to bars as well. I don’t see your correlation to marriage and clubs closing.

  • youarekiddingme

    @rickydee1955:

    Oh, maybe gay men are getting married in “droves” is because of something called a SCOTUS decision legalizing gay marriage that just happened on June 26, 2015?

  • pavel1985

    Sure, everyone come party with us. However no one a shade darker than a fake Florida tan, (AZN’s that includes you); or over the age of 35 or not buff. Anything else? No, I guess that about covers it.

  • Bostonboy617

    Meh… I think everyone is welcome but most gay men would prefer straight men and women (would are not enlightened) go somewhere else.

    Whenever those idiot 21-5 year old girls come in to the club I leave with most of the attractive men to another bar. Gay people are at a bar/club so that they can be themselves without stares, especially their sexuality. Str8 people often approach going to a gay bar like it was a dare or a haunted house. It’s not and we are not there to entertain you. And though you may think you are somehow helping us… you’re not.

  • youarekiddingme

    @Bostonboy617:

    Good point! Be Enlighted, i.e., don’t be an asshole if a guy comes on to you and you happen to be straight.

    My original point. Come in if that’s what you want, but don’t be put off or rude once inside.

  • drivendervish

    Neighborhood gay bars that aren’t big dance clubs will always be a gays-only safe place. But the big high-tech dance bars should encourage everybody whether straight or gay. It’s nice knowing that if you see a cutie you don’t have to worry about being shot down because he is straight but straight guys in a gay bar hold on to their women pretty tightly to make sure that doesn’t happen. The opportunity for straight people to socialize in gay bars is by far the best way for them to recognize that we aren’t different except for who we sleep with which is nobody’s business.

  • Brian

    Women want to have it both ways. They want to go to “straight” clubs to flirt with straight-identifying guys in order to obtain free drinks from them. Then they want to go to “gay” clubs where they can be free of unwanted attention. Women have never been a picture of consistency.

  • Giancarlo85

    @Clark35: You seem to have a very distorted view of yourself.

  • ErgoCoffeeto

    There is *nothing* worse than being out with a bunch of friends in a club, just chatting, drinking and cruising when a gaggle of messy drunk str8 girls enter the room following their gay friend like a bunch of baby chicks. They’re loud, they’re totally out of it and generally make a scene of themselves. The fact that str8 men are going to gay bars to try to find said str8 girls is everything wrong with gay bars.

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