PLAY TO WIN

Fred Karger Touts NH Victory Over Bachmann. Also Unicorn, Dragon And Other Imaginary Candidates

We feel bad for Fred Karger—as a gay Republican he gets less respect than Rodney Dangerfield. Sure, we’re no fans of the GOP, but at least Karger takes the right stance on marriage equality and other LGBT issues.And it kind of sucks that he’s been shut out of all the Republican debates so far. We’d love to see him make Paul, Perry, Gingrich, et al sweat buckets as they try to avoid his stare while spouting homophobic drivel.

But Fred’s Little-Gay-Engine-That-Could zeal seems to be getting the better of him.  Today he tweeted about his impressive results in yesterday’s New Hampshire primary.

The one where he got less than 2% of the vote.

At 2:30pm, he tweeted:

“Off to celebrate BIG win over @MicheleBachmann in #NHPrimary. Karger 485 Bachmann 347 = 40% margin. Not bad for not 1 national debate.”

But Bachmann suspended her campaign after an shameful showing in the Iowa caucus. Her name might have technically be on the ballot, but most voters knew she wasn’t running.

So Karger is crowing that he beat a non-candidate? And not even that soundly!

The New York Times election leaderboard lumps both Karger and Bachmann in the “Others” category. You have to click through several times to get their individual results.  And according to the Times, Bachmann got 349 votes to Karger’s 346. Which means he didn’t beat her.

He got less votes than a candidate who stopped running.

Well, at least Karger trounced former frontrunner Herman Cain, who got a measly 160 votes. Except that Cain suspended his campaign on December 3 after numerous allegations of sexual misconduct.

Hmm, maybe Karger can just toast his victory over Vern Wuensche (left), who only got 15 votes.

Of coure Wuensche wants to repeal the minimum wage,  abolish the Departments of Energy and Education, increase concealed-weapon provisions, ban abortion, repeal all hate-crime laws and eliminate campaign-finance regulations.

But still—congrats Fred!

Photos: Fred Karger for President, Twitter, Vern Wuensche