And It Ain't "Congratulations"

Fred Phelps Has A Message For The VP

The cadaverous Fred Phelps crawled from the crypt this weekend to send The Cheney Family a very special post-baby message. The Westboro Baptist’s horrid, rotting leader takes to YouTube for what may be one of the most ingeniously evil missives in history:

Vice President Dick Cheney and his goofy wife Lynne are Mr. and Mrs. Antichrist America. If anybody now doubts whether God has cursed America with an irreversible curse, let him gaze upon the photo-op politically inspired picture, put out yesterday, of these two old fools who are holding dyke Daughter Mary’s newborn bastard son and pretending to like it.

Phelps makes no mention of crowns or even a celebratory reception. He does, however, point out that God has now left America and we’re all doomed to burn in hell. So, what else is new?

Phelps also takes some time to point out that Vice President Dick Cheney and goofy old Lynne went to great lengths to lie about Mary’s lesbian ways:

Even as late as August 5, 2000, when being interviewed by ABC reporter Cokie Roberts, Lynne Cheney indignantly lied through her teeth about that filthy dyke daughter of hers named Mary. When Roberts said, “You have a daughter named Mary who has now declared that she is openly gay. Are you worried?”, Lynne Cheney fairly screamed into the camera, “Mary has never declared such a thing! I am appalled!” Yes, you are a lying, appalled bitch.

Did he just call Lynne Cheney a “lying, appalled bitch”? Holy fuck, this man has balls of heavenly steel. He’s also totally mind-fucked us. Obviously we can’t condone his damning of young Samuel David Cheney, but we nod in solemn agreement at his comments about Dick and Lynne’s lesbianic cover-up, and lil’ Sammy’s first politically motivated photo-op – a photoop in which neither lesbian parent appears. Although, Phelps loses us when he calls Mary a “dyke abomination”.

Should we be jeering or cheering? Quite frankly, we don’t know anymore.