fauxsion

Friends Won’t Let Friends Wear Isabel Mastache’s Penis Slacks

Fashion designer Isabel Mastache makes “avant garde” designs. Or, in layman’s terms, batshit crazy designs. Stuff that even Lady Gaga wouldn’t wear, when she’s wearing clothes. At Madrid Fashion Week, Mastache’s new Fall 2010/Winter 2011 collection included a bunny-ish sweater with hood and puffs, a yellow cabbage-rose headpiece, various explosions of fabric, and yes, the penis trouser.

Three words: Do not want.

Fashion is about expression, creative license, blah blah. Yeah, we get it. It is not about putting cocks on parade. The only time that’s okay is with super-sexy underwear; not slacks made for everyone to see.

We don’t mind a nice bulge here and there. But for the same reasons we never approved of the 1980s skinny jean — that wasn’t so much skinny as it was ill-fitting — we do not approve of Mastache’s snake trouser that embeds a pouch for your (uncut?) junk to hang in plain sight.

The only people we can see getting behind this are fertility doctors, who, we hear, recommend keeping your semen particles away from your body to lower their temperature. And even then: Ew, gross.