Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register

Friends Won’t Let Friends Wear Isabel Mastache’s Penis Slacks

Fashion designer Isabel Mastache makes “avant garde” designs. Or, in layman’s terms, batshit crazy designs. Stuff that even Lady Gaga wouldn’t wear, when she’s wearing clothes. At Madrid Fashion Week, Mastache’s new Fall 2010/Winter 2011 collection included a bunny-ish sweater with hood and puffs, a yellow cabbage-rose headpiece, various explosions of fabric, and yes, the penis trouser.

Three words: Do not want.

Fashion is about expression, creative license, blah blah. Yeah, we get it. It is not about putting cocks on parade. The only time that’s okay is with super-sexy underwear; not slacks made for everyone to see.

We don’t mind a nice bulge here and there. But for the same reasons we never approved of the 1980s skinny jean — that wasn’t so much skinny as it was ill-fitting — we do not approve of Mastache’s snake trouser that embeds a pouch for your (uncut?) junk to hang in plain sight.

The only people we can see getting behind this are fertility doctors, who, we hear, recommend keeping your semen particles away from your body to lower their temperature. And even then: Ew, gross.

On:           Feb 22, 2010
Tagged: ,
    • romeo

      Yeah, I’m running right out to buy that ensemble. (What is the matter with her? She must be straight.)

      Feb 22, 2010 at 11:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      Just what I always didn’t want “Prick Pants”!!…. : P

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Miss Understood

      Innovators are always laughed at. I love these! My only criticism: I woldn’t have so many offbeat details in one ensemble It loses focus. The arm, the heart, the headpiece, the scarf, and the penis should not be all in the same look.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lady Ga-Gasp

      All my pants end up looking like those. I can’t help it.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • romeo

      MissUnderstood: I’m all for innovation, but somewhere up in there there has to be something SOMEBODY would actually want to wear. My roommate pointed out that even in Paris you’d be arrested for those pants. LOL

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • romeo

      LOL Quit bragging Ga-Gasp.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      Do they allow for growth if one pops a boner???

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • romeo

      On second thought, I can see the statement value in the pants considering the prudishness about male genitalia, but I would never wear that. Guys have enough complexes; it just wouldn’t be fair to my fellow man.

      Also, my headgear runs toward ranger caps and fedoras. No way am I gonna walk around looking like a flamingo took a crap on my head.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Darren

      There is a history to these pants!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 12:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RomanHans

      I probably won’t buy the pants, but I’ll definitely go in for a fitting.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 1:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sam

      How could you not get hard wearing those?? I need some support for my boy…It can’t be flopping around like that! Hopefully, the fabric stretches so you won’t rip a seam.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 1:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • JNunzio

      Wow….watched the vid, and the peen pants aren’t even the worst option. Not personally into drag, but what she’s wearing at the end is probably the only thing I would wear in public…or private. I don’t think we’ll be seeing too much of her work on the Chueca boys!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 2:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tessie Tura

      Umm… how would you size these things? “Excuse me, Miss, I need a pair of these in 30/32/8×6 with low hangers….”

      Feb 22, 2010 at 2:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Thom

      who the fuck would wear any of that crap in public, what a waste.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 3:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz

      I just watched the video. The Peen-pants were only a small part of the designer madness.

      And they laughed at Carmen Miranda for her fruit-basket headgear?

      Feb 22, 2010 at 3:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      @RomanHans: D’ya ever see just who does those fittings?? You want 98year old guy with a fist full of pins and sharp sicciors near your junk??? : P

      Feb 22, 2010 at 3:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Disgusted American

      WTF…hey Im as open to trying new things – but that shit was awful!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 4:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • nikko

      Batshit crazy design indeed!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 4:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike in Asheville, nee "in Brooklyn"


      1) Where is the “behind the scene” video? The models’ trash talk has got to be hilarious.

      2) Has acid made a comeback and nobody told me?

      Feb 22, 2010 at 5:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz

      No. 16 · terrwill

      After checking that vid out, little wonder that the heteros think that we gays hate them. LOL

      Since no self-respecting gay person would be caught dead wearing any of that madness, it has to have been directed at a straight market.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 5:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • LikesToComment

      Did you hear about the man with five penises? His pants fit him like a glove!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 5:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      @LikesToComment: Groannn : p

      Feb 22, 2010 at 5:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz

      No. 21 · LikesToComment

      I loved it.

      But then, I’m twisted. LOL

      Feb 22, 2010 at 6:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Greg

      Breathtaking. If only she’d made them available as daisy dukes and accessorized with a full-blown Vegas showgirl headpiece, then I’d want one in every color. Until then… meh.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 6:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Andrew

      Not at all my cup of tea. Watching the video, the clothes the models wore made them appear to have large growths sprouting out on their bodies.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 6:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • stevenelliot

      UGH its like Bjork meets Vivian Westwood in some kind of nightmare head on collision.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 7:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dirty Ole Man

      I wanna suck those Pants now!

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 1EqualityUSA

      Dry cleaners would charge more.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:02 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      About these pants, a question:

      > Do you still have to wear a condom?

      And a couple ‘o benefits:

      > Never have to worry about being caught with your pants down…

      > Nor worrry ’bout getting your member caught in the zipper…….

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben

      Holy crap. This post was the epitome of “panties in a bunch”. If fashion bothers you, don’t follow it.

      Feb 22, 2010 at 8:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      @Ben: If you had those pants on and your “panties were in a bunch”, I think it would be rather painfull!!…. : p

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lukas P.

      I need fashion advice: can I — or can I not — wear this gadget with my assless chaps? [HINT DU JOUR: if ya put’em on backwards they’re crotchless!].

      Feb 22, 2010 at 9:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Glasser

      I see Freddy Kruegers brother made it to the runway.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 12:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kieran

      Well it’s certainly not something you’d wear to a job interview.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 12:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Endless Men

      @ Dirty Ole Man : LMAO

      Feb 23, 2010 at 1:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Smacker J.

      she should really ask for her money back from whatever design school she went to….this is just stupid, its material barfness…

      Feb 23, 2010 at 3:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz

      No. 36 · Smacker J.

      its material barfness…

      Not to mention a complete waste of material. ;P

      Feb 23, 2010 at 4:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ossurworld

      For the proud only….

      Feb 23, 2010 at 5:00 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve

      Here is a better version of the same concept:
      (scroll down the page to get to the image)

      Feb 23, 2010 at 7:35 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ken S

      haha– is it just me or did every one of those male models (whose faces you could see, anyway) look like they were thinking “fucking Katie, signing me up for this gig. Jesus Christ I look stupid. Oh god they’re taking pictures- I’ll never live this down! Please, please let the ceiling collapse and kill us all. Please? When will this be over!? At least I’m not wearing the penis pants… but I’d *rather* be wearing that sea-cucumber-lookin’ thing with the porthole to look out of so that everyone couldn’t see my face. Isabel *must* have stolen this shit from the costuming department of some no-budget sci-fi series– I bet the last person to wear this was ‘Background Alien #5.’ FUCKING Katie, you bitch!”

      Feb 23, 2010 at 8:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • rodrigo

      wow I wouldn’t even wear anything in that collection by mistake!

      Feb 23, 2010 at 8:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • HitDanBack

      You guys! The “Penis Pants” were stolen! Rolling Stone featured a similar design in the 1970s… Check it out!


      Feb 23, 2010 at 1:25 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

      No-one wears what Fashionistas throw down the catwalk. Seriously, they are deluded about Fashion and it’s for the purpose of headlines and the way out of touch Women’s Wear Daily. Worst Fashion Week ever, send them back to the Jersey Shore!

      Feb 23, 2010 at 1:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alison

      My husband is black: he’d never fit into those! Maybe he could have a pair specially enlarged to size…
      Alison :D

      Feb 23, 2010 at 5:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alison

      Oh, another thought occurs: it would revolutionize the sizes. I couldn’t imagine a guy going into a store asking to buy a pair of trousers with a “small penis” rating. You’d have to re-name all sizes “big”, “huge” “humonguous” and “sideshow blimp”.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 5:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • schlukitz

      No. 45 · Alison

      Such is the nature of the male ego. LOL

      Feb 23, 2010 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam

      It’s just so sad. If you have to desperately try this hard to be edgy then you aren’t.

      Feb 23, 2010 at 6:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ruddigore

      @Alison: It gives new meaning to “do these come in black?”

      Feb 23, 2010 at 6:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ossurworld

      Pants like these will help sales of Kleenex: for stuffing.

      Feb 25, 2010 at 10:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dpan


      Feb 26, 2010 at 4:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Charlie

      What kind of drugs is this designer on?? Who would wear that shit anyway?

      Feb 26, 2010 at 11:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james

      That’s hot. Finally someone is trying to make fashion which shows off the male penis. Who’s the idiot who wrote this article?

      Feb 27, 2010 at 12:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • susan

      ~oh,those poor models! the penis pants were bad enough-but ALL the clothes were stupid!They were gorgeous guys 100% WASTED on such moldly-looking shite,covering them like ugly topiaries. lol -Tim Gunn would spaz out!
      ps: I swear my kid had that same stripe heart shirt when she was 10!

      Feb 27, 2010 at 12:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • smile

      what’s this crap??? is it fashion? it is a piece of shit, and all clothes, that this bitch (isabel mastache) “created”… a monkey makes better!! if i shit the models face, and i’ll bang with a snowhovel, is already art too???

      Feb 27, 2010 at 9:39 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Klarth


      OMG….did he really? I’m embarrassed.
      y’all need to read that article. Apparently we gays are responsible for having to put it on the left or the right side. We’re apparently tryin to wipe out all life by killing sperm counts with the restrictive gear.

      O..k…go get some fresh air, that dank is gettin’ to ya.

      Anyway, this is silly. I can’t tell if it’s an actual pouch or just fake junk on the outside, but you know no one will ever be allowed to walk around in public wearing something like this, just like some of the craziness they have women modeling. Why do designers do this crap?

      This wouldn’t fly on a fashion design reality show, and you know it.

      Feb 28, 2010 at 5:49 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • freya

      I love them. I think I would die of happiness if I saw a guy walk down the street in these. Even better, a lady?

      Mar 26, 2010 at 1:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimstoic

      I think you underestimate (or overestimate?) Lady Gaga.

      Jun 29, 2010 at 7:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael

      No surprise the guy wound up with the salad bar getting dumped on his head.

      Jun 30, 2010 at 3:51 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • boredwell

      Mastaches’ trouser trajectories give a whole new meaning to “glad to meet you.” I wouldn’t wear the hats but they were cool.

      Jul 16, 2010 at 10:05 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • linds

      omg lol i can’t imagine any man i know actually wanting to buy/wear these

      Aug 10, 2010 at 6:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • richard

      I could never wear those pants.. The pouch is simply not big enough. I’d have the problem of overflow, or simply fall out of them…

      Sep 20, 2010 at 10:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kieran

      OK, Would you wear or go our with someone who wore that shit? I would be way to embarrised as it is too big and too ugly!
      Also, For the penis trouser thing, Is the idea to put your cock and bolloks in there? Because, If so, What if you got a hard on, How embarrissing ha ha.

      Nov 4, 2011 at 1:48 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Please log in to add your comment

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.

  • Copyright 2016 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.