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doubles match

Fun New Game May Destroy Your Testicles

ABC News (“your breaking news resource for top stories”) wants you to know about a hot new schoolyard game called “sack” or “ball tapping”. It involves punching guys in the nuts and posting videos of it online. Oh, and it can rupture your testicles—fun!

Guys are stupid. We watch The Three Stooges and pro wrestling and then do the same things to our friends. My fraternity brothers used to say “filthy monkey dipshit” and then hit each other in the dong all the time. I always figured they did it just to feel each other up in a socially acceptable way; after all, it’s OK to touch another man’s dick as long as you’re destroying it. But I never imagined that “filthy monkey dipshit” would turn into a viral nationwide fad played by schoolboys everywhere.

Strangely the expert quoted in the ABC story says the game is popular because guys wanna show how tough they are (it’s like a genital game of “chicken”). He also says young guys tend emulate crap they see online. But he fails to mention that guys just like seeing other dudes get hit in the nards. Just watch any episode of America’s Funniest Videos and you’ll see; 25 percent of the videos are of old men getting socked in the dinger with golf clubs.

The story’s presented as a health feature so concerned adults can keep stupid boys from rupturing each others’ testicles in violent homoerotic games. But it strikes me that boys play these dumb games in the first place because our culture reinforces this crap notion that men can’t share physical intimacy otherwise. Straight dudes don’t wanna look like pussies by hugging and getting all gay on each other, so instead they take out their frustrations of not allowing themselves to express healthy physical affection by smacking each other in the cock very, very hard.

It’s sad and dumb, but I did learn a fun fact. When testicles form, they descend from the stomach and take nerves from the abdomen with them. “That’s why when a guy gets hit in the balls, he feels it in his stomach as well,” some New York doctor says. I guess that’s also why my nuts feel tingly when I’m hungry for cock.

By:          Daniel Villarreal
On:           May 29, 2010
Tagged: , , ,
    • Hyhybt

      Doesn’t SOUND like a fun game…

      May 29, 2010 at 12:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Brutus

      This isn’t new.

      May 29, 2010 at 12:54 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Lamar

      It’s such a shame that men aren’t permitted to be as openly intimate as women, no wonder more men kill themselves than women with the pressure to only relate intimately to the opposite sex so overbearing. It’s especially hard for gay guys like me.

      May 29, 2010 at 5:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Robbie


      May 29, 2010 at 5:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • zenflo

      In ComedyCentral’s program Tosh.0, ball-crunching must comprise about 20 percent of the stupid-human clips.

      But even so, Daniel Tosh is HAWT!

      May 29, 2010 at 6:05 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • hephaestion

      Not that I have all that much use for my testicles anymore, but I’ve often wondered if laptop computers might have some negative impact on one’s testicles….

      May 29, 2010 at 7:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • counterpoll

      @hephaestion: The older the laptop, the more radiation is/was emitted, as a general rule. Good question.

      Those of us males who spent the ’80s, 90’s and beyond with laptops actually being used ON OUR LAPS (planes, trains, hotel beds, at home connected via modem to AOL while parked in our easy chairs! Etcetera) probably have some reason for concern. Remember the heat “radiating” from the bottom of old IBM think pads, Compaq laptops, and older imacs? You could have slowly cooked an egg there if you were so inclined.

      Most research on effects of radiation appear to be focused on cell phones and brain cancers, but the testicular risks may in fact be greater, to the extent that the those laptops were typically used for longer periods of time, emitted more units of radiation and —this is important— the testes (and prostate, for that matter) are more prone to developing cancers than is brain tissue.

      Bottom line: regardless of age or your perceived usefulness of your nuts, men who have logged much time with laptops close to their McNuggets should discuss that with their physicians, so that appropriate screening/monitoring can occur as needed.

      Unfortunately, we still don’t have adequate research on how much “is too much” but the increasingly proven link between cell phones & certain brain cancers show us that the longterm effects of radiation (which are cumulative) and technology are worth worrying about and checking into. But not obsessing over.

      I hope that’s helpful.

      May 29, 2010 at 8:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • randy

      In the movie “I Love You, Man” where Paul Rudd gently punches the guy in the balls. And in “Knocked Up” when Seth Rogan gently punches Paul Rudd in the same place. It was done without malice, in gentle fun, and didn’t really hurt. I think that’s okay, since it’s basically a way to touch your friend’s dick, and straight men need that cover to that it is socially acceptable.

      But the larger point is well taken — we have a society where men kissing is forbidden, even though you know many straight men want to do it. Geez, I knew so many straight friends when I was in my 20s who were dying to kiss some good looking guy — you could just feel it! Of course, they just love checking out a friend’s package, and you know that not only do they want to see it, but they want to play around with it a bit, especially if it’s hard.

      But any sort of play like that will get you labeled gay. So they just wait until they are drunk and then quickly forget it every happened.

      What’s the difference between a gay guy and striaght guy? A six pack.

      May 29, 2010 at 11:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ewe

      You sound like you had too good of a time with your favorite words while writing this piece. lol. Funny. I agree with you that this is not healthy and a very stupid dangerous thing to do to another human being.

      May 30, 2010 at 1:32 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jeffree

      I bet there are drawings in caves of one caveman socking his buddy in the nutsac! :-D
      As any guy who’s ridden a bike off a ramp knows, sometimes when your balls get roughed up they swell up. Impressive….but painful! And potentially dangerous!

      Guys check each other out ++all the time++ at the gym, whether str8 or gay #(or “bi” like Jàson): pecs, thighs, biceps, calves, abs, lats, necks, etc. INCLUDING balls & um CrOCKpots.

      I’m still at the stage of feeling horribley uncomfortable touching A.N.Y. str8 guy. But i learned the hard–i mean difficult–way that screaming “AWKWARD” while completing the hug only makes the hetero-yet-nonhomophobe guy just want to make me even more self conscious, so I just pretend it’s ok.

      i do n.o.t. punch them in the balls, no matter how much i am tempted !!

      May 30, 2010 at 3:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • james p. p.

      and “Idiocracy” hits another nail on the head….

      May 30, 2010 at 5:56 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

      Like Zenflo says,If ya watch any of the web clip shows, like Tosh.o, Web Soup, etc. you will see teen boys doing really nutty (ha ha)stuff to their balls. One kid tied a weight to his balls and kept dropping it to the floor, the 3rd time his eyes bugged out of his sockets and he was screaming “get it off”, others take turns smacking each others nutsacks until one screams out they give up……I don’t get it, having been the recipient of one major collision with a inmovable object and my balls, its not something I would do for shits and giggles…….guess its straight boys new way of saying “I love you man” :-p

      May 30, 2010 at 6:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Zack

      @randy: “we have a society where men kissing is forbidden, even though you know many straight men want to do it”

      What planet are you on? I’ll give you that society doesn’t take well to men kissing. But, why would straight men want to kiss? I sure as hell not gonna kiss a women…cuz I’m gay. Why would a straight guy want to kiss another guy?

      Oh, yeah. He wouldn’t. Because he’s straight.

      If you’d accept that there really are straight guys that actually like women, you’d probably be happier in this world.

      May 31, 2010 at 6:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael Valentine

      Let them play it. They’ll all render each other sterile and we’ll just end up with a whole generation of young guys who probably shouldn’t reproduce anyway.

      Maybe this is nature’s way of weeding out the stupid?

      May 31, 2010 at 10:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

      @Michael Valentine: I half agree with you……….Half fit in your description, other half are simply dying to have an excuse to touch their friends junk :-p

      May 31, 2010 at 11:54 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael vdB

      I look at it this way….Guys who set themselves up for this are only doing the rest of us a favour if they do rupture or seriously hurt there nuts. That way, they limit their options of having kids and passing on the the mindless “stupid gene.” I only see it as a Win, Win situation.

      May 31, 2010 at 12:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hyhybt

      That sort of logic would work better if everyone on the receiving end did intentionally “set themselves up for this”… or else if it were the givers being injured.

      May 31, 2010 at 12:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob

      If TV shows like America’s Funniest Videos would stop showing men getting their nuts smacked, maybe that would help. I never understood why people think it is funny seeing a man get hit in the balls. Maybe we should see more videos of women getting hit in their breasts? Would that be equally as funny or would women be offened? It’s the old double standard here.

      Jun 1, 2010 at 11:15 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael

      I love how somehow doing this becomes guys being homophobes or doing it because they can’t just express themselves in today’s society. It has nothing to do with gay or straight, it has to do with power.

      The same is true when playing sports, you take down the other guy anyway you can within the rules of the game. Ball tapping is not about having contact with another dudes ball sack, it’s about getting one over on him, it’s about having the ability to walk up to a guy, be he friend or foe and him not have a clue you’re going to hit him in the balls. It’s an art and one that was never done to destroy the guys testicles when I was in HS. The whole point was to be stealthy. It has nothing to do with society pressures and guys not allowing themselves to just be guys. Why do people try to make everything into a gay vs them mentality? Just because something MIGHT apply to 1% of the population doesn’t mean you need to transfer your issues to the rest of the male population. Talk about reaching… sheesh!

      Jun 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jimmi

      This is a story in Queerty because?

      Jun 2, 2010 at 10:08 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • WowFail by wanna conformist gays.

      This is pathetic. First off its called a sacktap. Its not gy or straight. Its a guy thing. Ive done this to my boyfriend. Pretty sure we both know we are gay and have no intimacy problems. Its a stupid thing guys do. Ive seen my Dad do this. Ive seen so many people do this. Its funny, you sacktap and walk away. Your buddy will get you back in due time. If its not one thing leading into being gay its another. Stop trying to group everyone together. Its just stupid.

      Jun 10, 2010 at 7:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • leeving

      so a bunch of mentally deficient half wits end up castrating one another. I fail to see the problem. Think of it as cleansing the gene pool. fewer morons reproducing can only be a good thing.

      Nov 13, 2010 at 2:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sebizzar

      *sigh* This stuff is pathetic, any person who gets joy out of hitting guys in their obviously sensitive area, needs help. And no, it’s not just “harmless fun” don’t be naive.

      May 30, 2011 at 8:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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