Adult video performer Calvin Banks recently told Himeros.tv that his first sexual experience was with his father. “I can now comfortably say my dad was my first blowjob,” Banks told the educational adult site.
“I gotta laugh about it,” Banks continued. “I have friends whose dads left when they were two years old. I joke with them, I say ‘Well, your dad didn’t love you enough, and my dad loved me too much.'”
Banks talked about his experience with incestual sexual abuse at a tantric sexual retreat with other gay men. He attended the retreat to more fully understand his sexual self.
Banks explained that he was seven or eight years old when the abuse started. His parents were divorced and he visited his father every weekend. His father abused him when Banks’ sister went to gymnastics class for a few hours each Saturday. Banks didn’t realize at the time that his father was also sexually abusing his sisters.
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“Because of the abuse I suffered,” Banks said, “I became a very sexual child very early on and I often sought out sexual experiences for that reason.”
His mom eventually caught him in bed with one of his male cousins. Though they weren’t having sex, his mother was concerned. When his aunt spoke to him about the incident, he confided to her what had happened with his father. His aunt quickly told his mom, and his mom then spoke to him.
Banks didn’t realize what had happened between he and his father was wrong until he saw the emotion in his mother’s face. “What he did was absolutely not okay,” Banks said.
His mom then put Banks and his sisters into therapy. He hated it at the time, but in retrospect, Banks feels grateful that the therapy gave him a chance to resolve some of the trauma associated with the sexual abuse. It’s unclear whether Banks’ father ever faced any legal repercussions for his abuse.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) says that lesbian, gay and bisexual people experience sexual violence at similar or higher rates than heterosexuals. It’s unclear how many of these assaults happen at the hands of family members. But it’s clear that Banks isn’t the only queer man with this experience.
Kangol
I’m very glad that he received psychological counseling for his abuse and that he is able to distinguish his sexual orientation and sexuality from child abuse, but the article says nothing about what happened to the abusive father who committed multiple acts of incest and child abuse. Is he behind bars for the rest of his life?
Chrisk
After he told his mom all she said was that’s not right for him to do that? I would’ve expected some kind of major emotional response followed by the police. Davey wavey is doing the interviewing so that might explain the lack of follow-up.
Brian
“His mom then put Banks and his sisters into therapy. He hated it at the time, but in retrospect, Banks feels grateful that the therapy gave him a chance to resolve some of the trauma associated with the sexual abuse. It’s unclear whether Banks’ father ever faced any legal repercussions for his abuse.”
dean089
My mother did the same thing. She told me to stop it, as if I had any control over the situation. I was eight years old! My 13-year-old cousin didn’t stop until he turned 18 and moved out of the house. Trust me, that wasn’t sex. It may seem like sex to some people, but it wasn’t any more than rape is about sex.
Billy Budd
Put the father in jail and throw away the keys.
DarkZephyr
Very disgusting. I am so sorry for him. I’m glad that he is healing from this.
MacAdvisor
Of course, we lock people up in this country for the uncorroborated word of one person without trial.
Donston
Yes, “queers” are on average more likely to have suffered from some type of sexual abuse or sexual assault. That’s partly why things like internalized homophobia, gay shame, depression, drug abuse, resisting being with the person you truly want to be with and love as well as other things persists in so many.
It would also be nice if this site treats being abused by your parent with all the seriousness it deserves.
Apolodorus
Jesus, where do you get those statistics?
Donston
Not everything is about stats. It’s called having honest conversations with people. But there actually are legit stats out there. They’re not that difficult to find.
Based on live’s observations alone, it does indeed seem that “queers” who struggle persistently with their sense of self or identity, struggle with internalized homophobia, struggle with self-misandry or self-misogyny, struggle with impulse control and self-destruction, struggle with drug/alcohol abuse, get into the sex trade business, etc. are more likely to have suffered from past abuse/molestation/assault/rape. But as usual, people are uncomfortable with this stuff because they feel it’ll be used by social conservatives to justify hate and be used to promote shame and anti-pride. Furthermore, I’m one who believes everyone is different. And everyone is different for a lot of different reasons.
It really shouldn’t surprise anyone that someone who has been doing porn/prostituting since they were a teenager has suffer through some major traumas. The porn/sex industry takes advantage of those things.
inbama
“Based on live’s observations alone…”
Anecdotal evidence is generally considered an unreliable basis for drawing conclusions.
Doug
This is pretty disturbing, but what I do find refreshing is his honesty about it. He sounds totally unburdened and not hung up on shame, which I’m sure he worked through in therapy. I really think being open like this encourages other sexually abused individuals to come forward and talk about their own experiences also.
Greg
Yeah, the way the title says “My Dad was my first blowjob”, made it seem like something he was proud of. I was like, yikes.
AlexEf
Shame on you Queerty for putting this title on the article about child sexual abuse
radiooutmike
What is wrong with people? And Queerty as well? Not everything needs to have a clickbait title.
QueerTruth
I couldn’t agree more!!
enlightenone
Interesting to note that no one wonders if there is a correlation between being sexually and emotionally abused and being a sex worker. I’m curious to know what his former/current therapist thinks about this reveal?
Vince
If you’re going to wonder about those kind of details why stop there. Maybe a correlation between being sexually abused and being gay. How many times has the right wing used that to demonize?
inbama
When no evidence is given, it is entirely appropriate to consider the source.
QueerTruth
Dear Queerty – the title that is about child molestation and incest should never be campy.
Though Banks is comfortable with his own trauma, most of us are not.
It’s highly disrespectful, if not criminal, to do this to many readers.
Shame, shame.
Bob LaBlah
Thank you do much for this article. I clicked on the link and got to reread a classic “debate” in the comment section I had with GC85 two years ago. lol lol And to think I had just asked about him the other day too. lol I wonder what happened to ol’ GC85.
MuslimSlutBox
Giancarlo85 was too contentious for the comment section. ANY comment section. It was always some kind of argument with him and he’d never stop, even if the other person cried uncle. He was removed a few times and once came back as GC85, among other names. Then, suddenly, he was gone for good. Both Codone and MediaGuy (I think they’re also now gone) used to say that Giancarlo was in jail and had nothing else to do. I guess that is possible.
nm4047
not sure the ‘headline’ is appropriate for the subject. Interestingly the story does not indicate the father face any charges for what happened.
MarathonBoy
The title of this article initially had a joke about the sexual abuse. It said “A Father’s Touch.” I called it out in a comment. Instead of candidly acknowledging the poor judgment, Queerty deleted my comment and changed “A Father’s Touch” to “Trauma” without noting that any change had been made. That’s what passes for journalistic ethics on Queerty.
nitejonboy
I was molested by my uncle and I told my mom and she told my dad and he didn’t believe me. Took his no good brother’s side, well they are both dead now and I hope they are rotting in hell. It turned me into a sexual deviant for many years until I got the therapy I finally needed, I hurt many people along the way, and I will forever feel like dirt for the rest of my life for what I did to them. But I wasn’t in control of myself. Now I have zero interest in sex and I like it that way.
NeilIN72
@Kangol couldn’t have said it better myself!
Vince
@Blackceo. If you need to edit anything go ahead and do it. However when you do that it’ll send it into moderation. Stupid I know. The way around that is to just copy it, delete it, and then just paste it again.
piriblue
Bad parenting and he is very much a victim. I think that having sex is how he identifies with love.
I hope that he can get some honest counseling and make some kind of realization as to what love is all about. Sometimes we are broken and no matter how much counseling we get I feel that kind of behavior is bred right into you and you can’t really change. Like monkeys after a certain amount of time in captivity they go bananas an attack. Sex is his motivation. A product of his father.