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Gay bros list their instant turnoffs and deal breakers

Man grossed out by other man

Sometimes attraction fades away, and sometimes it’s a cut-to-black, as Redditors in the r/askgaybros community can attest. In a thread on January 8, u/Spicedhero asked what actions or statements are an instant turnoff, and dozens of commenters weighed in with their boundaries.

Some of the stated deal breakers were simple and understandable — littering is obnoxious, objectively — and some were super specific. “They walk in the bathroom to ‘get ready’ and come out wearing an entire clown outfit,” one commenter wrote. “Surprise clownplay isn’t for everyone, fellas. It’s especially annoying when you decide to try it, and all they keep doing [is] their clown laugh during sex.”

Here are other no-nos, according to these Reddit users:

  • Saying, “I’m straight, but I want to experience gay sex.”
  • Saying, “I’m DL.” (One commenter points out, though, that “most gay guys start as DL. Be respectful.”)
  • Being insensitive. “My ex once told me that I needed to get over my dead mother’s death. I left him alone after that, and he tried to apologize to me via FaceTime with another dude in the background. Boy, bye.”
  • Talking about sex nonstop. “I get it, dudes be horny. But if you’re steering every conversation towards sex, I’m not going to waste my time. Hate it when I hit it off with a guy, and before long, he’s acting like I’m a Fleshlight instead of a prospective partner.”
  • Being superficial. “When gay men only date someone based on looks. You can have a supermodel boyfriend who is immature [and] rude and [has] a bad attitude all the time. Is that someone you really want to be with?”

Related: Gays name guys’ most attractive non-physical attributes

  • Judging. “I had a guy over at my place and the minute he came into the apartment he judged everything including myself, lol. He wasn’t there for a long time.”
  • Asking “ParTy?” (with the capital “T” standing for methamphetamine).
  • Discriminating. “I get turned off by profile descriptions on dating apps such as, ‘Not into fems, Asians, fats, twinks, [insert something else] etc.,’ ‘Straight acting, looking for same,’ ‘Don’t waste my time, don’t start the conversation with [insert phrase] because that is boring,’ [or] ‘I don’t answer to faceless profiles,’ while his profile only has torso pics. When I see such shitty personalities on profiles, I instantly ignore them, even if the pictures are hot.”
  • Showing his top privilege. “When they start complaining about bottoms and how ‘clean’ they should be and that [it] is ‘disgusting’ when accidents happen. When I bottom, I love being clean… but when I top, I know that accidents could happen and what you should never do is shame someone for that.”
  • Saying, “I still have feelings for my ex, I’m sorry.”

Related: What are the myths about being gay that the gays believe?

  • Being immature. “When a grown man doesn’t know how to do basic adult tasks on their own. For example, maintaining work, paying bills, basic cooking, cleaning, and clothes washing.”
  • Asking, “Scat play?”
  • Saying he’s bored. “There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking time to sit on the couch and zone out, play video games, watch tv, etc., but there is a difference between making time to do that and just having the time to do that. The word ‘bored’ to me signals unmotivated, childish, uninteresting. If someone on an app says they are bored, I instantly lose interest.”
  • Being rude to service staff.
  • Saying, “Make America great again.”
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